Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, January 25 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!  Today's Bonehead Award:  Crack and BJ in intersection  ______________________________________________________ Today, January 25 in 1533 England's King Henry VIII secretly married his second wife Anne Boleyn. Boleyn later gave birth to Elizabeth I. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 If nobody spoke unless he had something to say, the human race would very soon lose the use of speech. --- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965) I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience. --- Shelley Winters ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sr Anna for this story: Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what..... A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich. He said, 'Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?' She said 'I love it but I have to stop eating it' 'Why?' he asked. She pointed to her lap and said 'Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!' 'Let me see' he said. 'Okay' and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and said, 'That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken.' He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said yo the little gir l, 'I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!' She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her. She said 'Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the NECK and GIBBLETS!!!' _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and an advertisement on the net were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store's opening time. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit, then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line: "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!" ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Michael Douville, 51, Manchester, New Hampshire  Crack and BJ in intersection  -While stopped at a red light Tuesday afternoon, a New Hampshire motorist was living his best life, smoking crack cocaine and being fellated by a woman in the passenger seat, police report. Manchester Police Department detectives spotted Michael Douville, 51, behind the wheel of a Chrysler 300 stopped at an intersection. Douville, a Nashua resident, was engaged in...illegal acts at the time, cops allege. When two detectives approached the vehicle and identified themselves, Douville sped off. He was subsequently apprehended by a third cop. His passenger, however, fled the area and was not located, investigators say. Seen above, Douville was arrested on several charges, including lewdness, narcotics possession, and disobeying a police officer.  
 From: Bezon Re: Tube for Microscope  Dear DearWebby, You mentioned the need for a tube between microscope and camera, but did not tell us how long that has to be. Bezon  Dear Bezon Just hold the camera so that it looks into the microscope. Move it up and down until you see a clean picture on the camera. That distance is probably from 3/4 inch to 2 inches, depending on your microscope. Ideal is of course a camera, that lets you connect to the computer and view on the monitor what the picture looks like. You don't have to be perfect with the extension tube since you can raise or lower the ocular (eye piece) with the fine adjustment on the microscope. Once you get a clear picture of a sugar crystal, try it with a small drop of blood, like you get when poking your finger for a diabetic lucose test. The picture you will see on the monitor will probably freak you out. It looks like some aliencreatures having a space war. Yep, that's what is going on in your blood! If you see that, then you got the tube exactly right. You might also want to make a cradle with coat hanger wire, so that you can just lay the camera into the cradle and it is looking straight into the ocular. Have FUN! DearWebby  
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 A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined. After the sentencing he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true. "Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action. The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson." 
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 A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits. The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee's pay. She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five years salary for life insurance and a month's sick leave AND they paid the full premiums." "I can't help but asking madam why you would leave a job with such benefits," the interviewer replied. The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went bankrupt." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Warning About Storing Garlic Cloves In Oil  Botulism can develop when garlic is stored oil, especially if it is stored at room temperature. The garlic and oil should be used immediately or stored in the refrigerator for no more than a week.  Thriftyfun.com   ____________________________________________________   
 
 
The shirk report for the weekend. 
 ___________________________________________________ When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation." The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter that next day. The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for eleven years. When he left us, we were very satisfied." ___________________________________________________ Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do, Father." The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?" "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?" O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father." The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?" O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Paddy was in New York . He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?" ___________________________________________________  
 Today January 25 in 1504 The English Parliament passed statutes against retainers and liveries to curb private warfare. 1533 England's King Henry VIII secretly married his second wife Anne Boleyn. Boleyn later gave birth to Elizabeth I. 1579 The Treaty of Utrecht was signed marking the beginning of the Dutch Republic. 1799 Eliakim Spooner patented the seeding machine. 1858 Mendelssohn's "Wedding March" was presented for the first time at the wedding of the daughter of Queen Victoria and the Crown Prince of Prussia. 1870 G.D. Dows patented the ornamental soda fountain. 1881 Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell and others signed an agreement to organize the Oriental Telephone Company. 1890 The United Mine Workers of America was founded. 1915 In New York, Alexander Graham Bell spoke to his assistant in San Francisco, inaugurating the first transcontinental telephone service. 1924 The 1st Winter Olympic Games were inaugurated in Chamonix in the French Alps. 1946 The United Mine Workers rejoined the American Federation of Labor. 1959 In the U.S., American Airlines had the first scheduled transcontinental flight of a Boeing 707. 1961 John F. Kennedy presented the first live presidential news conference from Washington, DC. The event was carried on radio and television. 1964 Nike was founded. The company was originally named Blue Ribbon Sports. 1971 Maj. Gen. Idi Amin led a coup that deposed Milton Obote and became president of Uganda. 1999 In Louisville, KY, a man received the first hand transplant in the United States. 2011 A revolution began in Egypt with the demonstrations that demanded the end of President Hosni Mubarak's rule. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

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