Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, December 25 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Merry Christmas, Do! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Escambia woman robbed at gunpoint by daughter and boyfriend ___________________________________________________ Today, December 24 in 1972 The Nicaraguan capital Managua was hit by an earthquake. Over 10,000 people were killed. _____________________________________________________ It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) _____________________________________________________ DRUG PROBLEM I had a drug problem when I was young. I was drug to church on Sunday morning, I was drug to church for weddings and funerals. I was drug to family reunions no matter the weather. I was drug to the bus stop to go to school every weekday. I was drug by my ears when disrespectful to adults and teachers. I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents. Those drugs are still in my veins today; they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin, and if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America would certainly be a better place. _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Here are some comments made by sports commentators that I'm sure they would like to take back: 1. Weightlifting commentator at the Olympic Snatch and Jerk event: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing." 2. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother." 3. Grand Prix Race Announcer: "The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical to the one in front of the similar one in back." 4. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." 5. Ringside Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in boxing - but none of them really that serious." 6. Baseball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." 7. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces." 8. At a trophy ceremony BBC TV Boat Race 1988: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is hugging the cox of the Oxford crew." 9. Metro Radio, College Football: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field." 10. US Open TV Commentator: "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well, is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my God, what have I just said?" ___________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lloyd Lister, Autumn Beede, Escambia County Jail, Florida, USA Escambia woman robbed at gunpoint by daughter and boyfriend An Escambia woman ran into the street screaming for help with a zip tie around her wrist. The woman claimed shed been robbed at gunpoint and locked in her bathroom for thirty minutes, the report states. The incident happened on Sunday, December 20th in the 400 Block of Forrest Road. Document state it all started when her daughter walked outside their home to smoke. Shortly after, a masked man forced his way into the home. The report says the suspect held a gun to the victims head, zip-tied her wrist, placed a cord around her feet, and place put something over her face. When the deputy arrived, he found the woman shaking and crying in the street, but her daughter was nowhere to be found. The victims 2019 KIA, purse, wallet, and cellphone were gone. According to the report, the victim believed her daughter and her boyfriend had robbed her. The victim said she quickly alerted the bank only to find that her card had been used. The report states Escambia County Sheriffs deputies tracked down surveillance video that showed Lloyd Lister and Autumn Beede shopping at Winn Dixie and a Tom Thumb with the victims debit card. Both are in the Escambia County Jail charged with multiple felonies including home invasion, grand theft, larceny, and false imprisonment. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Beverly Re: Getting rid of unwanted programs Dear Webby, I tried your Task Manager and I see all kinds of programs that I thought I had gotten rid off, and some, that I have no clue what they are. How do I get rid of all that junk? Beverly Dear Beverly Use the REVO Uninstaller. https://www.revouninstaller.com/products/revo-uninstaller- free/ That link is for the free version. That is plenty for a start and getting used to. It even has an Auto-Run Manager to control what starts automatically. And all kinds of other handy tools. If you need even more power, upgrade to the paid PRO version. However, the FREE version is probably plenty for the first five years. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "Is this a question? Discuss." After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an answer." The student received an "A" on the exam. ____________________________________________ GREAT NEW EXERCISE BREAKTHROUGH Here is an unsolicited endorsement of this new exercise. 1. I started outdoors, standing behind the house, with a 5 lb. potato sack in each hand. Bending the knees slightly, I extended my arms straight out at my sides, leaving them there as long as I could. 2. After a couple of weeks, I moved up to a 10 lb. sack and then a 25 lb. sack. 3. Finally, I got to the stage where I could lift a 50 lb. sack in each hand, knees bent, and I could hold this position for a full minute or more. 4. Next, I started putting a couple of potatoes into the sack, but I caution you: do not overdo it at this level. ____________________________________________ One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. The river was deep and swift; he could not retrieve his axe, and he was too poor to buy a new one. Knowing that he was doomed to poverty and starvation, he began to weep. As he sobbed, God appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?" The woodcutter told Him about his lost axe. God went down into the water and reappeared with a wonderful golden axe. "Is this your axe?" God asked. The woodcutter said, "No." God again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" God asked. The woodcutter said, "No." God went down again and came up with the woodcutter's old iron axe. "Is this your axe?" God asked. The woodcutter said, "Yes." God was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all the three axes. The woodcutter went home happily. One day the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank and his wife fell into the river and was swept away. When he began crying, God appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" "My wife has fallen into water." God went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. "Is this your wife?" God asked. "Yes," the woodcutter said. God was furious. "Once you were an honest man - but now you have become a liar and a cheat!!" The man quickly said, "Forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. If I say 'No' to Jennifer Lopez, you will come up with Catherine Zeta Jones. If I also say 'No' to her, you will finally come up with my wife, and I will say 'Yes.' Then you will give all the three to me! I am a poor man. I will not be able to feed all three. So, that's why I had to say 'Yes!' " ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today December 25 in 0800 Charlemagne was crowned first Holy Roman Emperor in Rome by Pope Leo III. 1066 William the Conqueror was crowned king of England. 1223 St. Francis of Assisi assembled one of the first Nativity scenes, in Greccio, Italy. 1776 Gen. George Washington and his troops crossed the Delaware River for a surprise attack against Hessian forces at Trenton, NJ. 1818 "Silent Night" was performed for the first time, at the Church of St. Nikolaus in Oberndorff, Austria. 1868 U.S. President Andrew Johnson granted an unconditional pardon to all persons involved in the Southern rebellion that resulted in the Civil War. 1896 John Philip Sousa finally titled the melody "The Stars and Stripes Forever." 1914 During World War I, British and German troops observed an unofficial truce and even playing football together on the Western Front. 1926 Hirohito became the emperor of Japan after the death of his father Emperor Taisho. 1930 The Mt. Van Hoevenberg bobsled run at Lake Placid, New York opened to the public. It was the first bobsled track of international specifications to open in the U.S. 1937 Arturo Toscanini conducted the first broadcast of "Symphony of the Air" over NBC radio. 1939 "A Christmas Carol," by Charles Dickens, was read on CBS radio for the first time. 1941 Hong Kong surrendered to the Japanese. 1962 The Department of Commerce Census Clock in Washington, DC, recorded the U.S. population on this day as 188,000,000. 1972 The Nicaraguan capital Managua was hit by an earthquake. Over 10,000 people were killed. 1979 The USSR invaded Afghanistan in a bid to halt civil war and protect USSR interests. 1989 Ousted Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu and his wife, Elena, were executed following a popular uprising. 1989 Dissident playwright Vaclav Havel was elected president of Czechoslovakia. 1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev went on television to announce his resignation as leader of a Communist superpower that had already gone out of existence. 2000 Over 300 people were killed and dozens were injured by fire at a Christmas party in the Chinese city of Luoyang. The incident occurred at the Dongdu Disco. 2020 Do smiled. |
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