| good morning, Do! Today is Saturday, June 3 ____________________________________________________ history: today, june 2 in 1856, cullen whipple patented the screw machine. ____________________________________________________ bonehead A couple was in dispute with landlord over basement mould before he murdered them. Police shot and killed him. _____________________________________________________ q i once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. --- henny youngman (1906 - 1998) ------------- yes, they do! April 1 ______________________________________________________ three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "when I see a mousetrap, i lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese." The second mouse orders up two shots of sour mash, pounds them both, slams each glass onto the bar, turns to the first mouse, and replies, "yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day." The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "i don't have time for this. I've got a date with the cat." _____________________________________________________ notes pinned to the pillow of a mother who has the flu by a well meaning husband who has inherited the house and kids.) monday a.M. Dearest: sleep late. Everything under control. Lunches packed. Kids off to school. Menu for dinner planned. Your lunch is on a tray in refrigerator: fruit cup, finger- sandwiches. Thermos of hot tea by bedside. See you around six. Tuesday a.M. Honey: sorry about the egg rack in the frig. Hope you got back to sleep. Did the kids tell you about the coke I put in the thermoses? The school might call you about this. Dinner may be a little late. I'm doing your door-to- door canvas for liver research. Your lunch is in refrigerator. Hope you like leftover chili. Wednesday a.M. Dear doris: why in the name of all that is sane would you put soap powder in the flour canister! If you have time, could you please come up with a likely spot for chris's missing shoes? We've checked the clothes hamper, garage, back seat of the car and wood box. Did you know the school has a ruling on bedroom slippers? There's some cold pizza for you on a napkin in the oven drawer. Will be late tonight. Driving eight girl scouts to tour meatpacking house. Thursday a.M. Doris: don't panic over water in hallway. It crested last night at 9 p.M. Will finish laundry tonight. Please pencil in answers to following: 1. How do you turn on the garbage disposal? 2. How do you turn off the milkman? 3. Why would that rotten kid leave his shoes in his boots? 4. How do you remove a confederate flag inked on the palm of a small boy's hand? 5. What do you do with leftovers when they begin to snap at you when you open the door? I don't know what you're having for lunch! Surprise me! Friday a.M. Hey: don't drink from pitcher by the sink. Am trying to restore pink dress shirt to original white. Take heart. Tonight, the ironing will be folded, the house cleaned and the dinner on time. I called your mother. Have a great day. ___________________________________ the az-hole, east of the entrance to organpipe park ___________________________________________________ an fl bonehead award has been reported by rock Terry Gerald Brekka, 57, (dead now) hamilton, ontario, canada couple was in dispute with landlord over basement mould before he murdered them. Police shot and killed him. police say a landlord-tenant dispute is believed to have led to the shooting death of two people at an east hamilton, ont. Residence. Investigators say three people are dead following the incident that turned into a standoff late saturday at a jones road home just north of barton street east in stoney creek. The two victims, a 28-year-old man and a 27-year-old woman, were found dead by police upon their arrival just after 5:40 p.M. Responding to shots fired. there was a disagreement in relation to the condition of the home. there had been complaints about mold and the tenants were within days of moving out. The landlord barricaded himself when the police told him to drop his guns and come out. A trained negotiator was called but terry gerald brekka started shooting at the cops. They promptly shot and killed him. ___________________________________________________ >from leah unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the buds on my father's young peach tree for two years in a row. This spring dad was ready. He replanted the sapling in a large box, mounted it on wheels, and put the tree in the garage whenever the temperature dropped. One warm april day dad was wheeling the tree out into the yard, and stopped to give our dog a drink from the garden hose. A neighbor watched the scene with amusement. "Frank," he finally commented, "you're the only man I know who walks his tree and waters his dog!" Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the buds on my father's young peach tree for two years in a row. This spring dad was ready. He replanted the sapling in a large box, mounted it on wheels, and put the tree in the garage whenever the temperature dropped. One warm april day dad was wheeling the tree out into the yard, and stopped to give our dog a drink from the garden hose. A neighbor watched the scene with amusement. "Frank," he finally commented, "you're the only man I know who walks his tree and waters his dog!" ___________________________________________________ the patient awakened after the operation to find herself in a room with all the blinds drawn. "Why are all the blinds closed?" She asked her doctor. "Well," the surgeon responded, "they're fighting a huge fire at the shell gas station across the street, and because the s in the shell sign is not visible from here, we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation had failed." ___________________________________________________ dearwebby's tech support pits from: lisa re: maxthon dear webby, i agree that maxthon is fast, and delightfully non-political. That much I love. But, there is a great big butt, much bigger than mine. It slithers itself as default into everything! Yuck! After I uninstalled it, the defaults went to internet exploder! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! How do I normalize everything? I am handicapped with w10. Lisa dear lisa maxtyon used to be a chinese clone of internet explorer. By the time microsoft gave up on that insecure lemon, maxtyhon had grown up and became actually pretty good. Then microsoft cloned it and came out with edgem which gets about as much praise as w10. Recent reviews of maxthon are actually quite favorable. However, if you just want to get rid of it, click on the left bottom corner, where start used to be. Click on settings click on apps look for the internet explorer or microsoft edge icon click on that to change select chrome or ff hit ok until you are out of the settings your chosen browser will be back as the default. Have fun! Dearwebby ____________________________________________ if you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ when operating a computer, whatever happens, behave as though you meant for it to happen. When you reach the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete. When the going gets tough, upgrade. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction. To err is human . . . To blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural. He who laughs last probably made a back-up. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine. The number one cause of computer problems is computer operators. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but not necessarily what you intended it to do. ___________________________________________________ flicker, springbank, alberta doug mcqueen __________________________________________________ the tall, handsome, confident gentleman walked over to the girl and made a disparaging remark about the men who had been chatting her up. She laughed gaily, "when I don't want a man's attentions," she confided, "and he asks where I live, I just say, 'i'm visiting here'." "Ha-ha," he laughed, relishing her humor. "Where do you really live?" "I'm just visiting here." _________________________________________________ today, june 3 in 1098, christian crusaders of the first crusade seized antioch, turkey. 1539, hernando de soto claimed florida for spain. 1621, the dutch west india company received a charter for new netherlands (now known as new york). 1784, the u.S. Congress formally created the united states army to replace the disbanded continental army. On june 14, 1775, the second continental congress had created the continental army for purposes of common defense and this event is considered to be the birth of the united states army. 1800, john adams moved to washington, dc. He was the first president to live in what later became the capital of the united states. 1805, a peace treaty between the u.S. And tripoli was completed in the captain's cabin on board the uss constitution. It lasted for many hours. 1856, cullen whipple patented the screw machine. 1918, the finnish parliament ratified its treaty with germany. 1923, in italy, benito mussolini granted women the right to vote. 1937, the duke of windsor, who had abdicated the british throne, married wallis warfield simpson. 1938, the german reich voted to confiscate so-called "degenerate art." 1952, a rebellion by north korean prisoners in the koje prison camp in south korea was put down by american troops. 1959, the first class graduated from the air force academy in denver, co. 1965, edward white became the first american astronaut to do a "space walk" when he left the gemini 4 capsule. 1970, har gobind khorana and colleagues announced the first synthesis of a gene from chemical components. 1989, chinese army troops positioned themselves to began a sweep of beijing to crush student-led pro-democracy demonstrations in tiananmen square. 1999, slobodan milosevic's government accepted an international peace plan concerning kosovo. Nato announced that airstrikes would continue until 40,000 serb forces were withdrawn from kosovo. 2003, toys "r" us, inc. Announced that it had signed a multi- year agreement with albertson to become the exclusive toy provider for all of all of albertson's food and drug stores. 2017, the amazing world of dr. Seuss museum opened in springfield, ma. 2023, Do smiled.
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