Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, August 3 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Thank you Allene! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Pennsylvania babysitters accused of forcing kids to lay on nails, drink their own urine Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, August 3 in 1914 Germany declared war on France. The next day World War I began when Britain declared war on Germany. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance. --- Edward Gibbon (1737 - 1794) A man can stand anything except a succession of ordinary days. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) "I can't do it" never yet accomplished anything; "I will try" has performed wonders. --- George P. Burnham "I will do it", gets the job done. --- DearWebby ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator of the world-famous detective, Sherlock Holmes, was not above telling tales about himself in which he was the laughing-stock. In one situation, he was waiting at a taxi stand outside the railway station in Paris. When a taxi pulled up, he placed his suitcase in the car and took a seat next to it. "Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?'' asked the taxi driver. Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver whether he knew him by sight. "No, sir, I have never seen you before." The puzzled Doyle asked him how he knew he was Conan Doyle. The driver said, "This morning's paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you're a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. And so, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle." Doyle remarked, "This is truly amazing. You are a real life counterpart to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes." "There is one other thing that gave you away," the driver said, after pocketing his tip. "What is that?" questioned Doyle. The driver said, "Your name is on the front of your suitcase." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The Bridge Of Immortals Huangshan China _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ A couple was taking a stroll through a park, when they came upon a wishing well. The woman leaned over, made a wish and threw a quarter down the well. Her husband decided that he also wanted to make a wish. Unfortunately, he leaned over too far and fell down the well. The woman stood there in shock for a moment and said, "Wow! It really works!" ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shyann Hills Jayako Frye Towanda, Pennsylvania Pennsylvania babysitters accused of forcing kids to lay on nails, drink their own urine A Pennsylvania couple was arrested on child abuse charges for allegedly torturing two kids in their care for nearly a week. State police said Shyann Hills and Jayako Frye were watching a 7-year-old and a 9-year-old for six days. In that time, troopers said the couple tied the kids up, and they wouldnt let the children eat, sleep, or even use the bathroom. Troopers took Hills and Frye into custody from their trailer on Crimson Maple Drive in Rome. They face a slew of charges, including aggravated assault. The two children needed to be hospitalized after the abuse they endured. Neighbors were shocked to hear the news. Its hard to believe, actually. Ive seen them, and I cant believe it happened, actually, Tammy Vanderpol told WNEP. State police said the couple forced the young kids to lie down in a planking position with sharp nails underneath them, so if the kids went down, they would fall onto the nails. Troopers said Hills and Frye also tied the kids to a dog cage and a cabinet. The couple also forced other children to hit the victims while they were restrained. They should get the same treatment if not worse. Thats just nasty, Vanderpol said. Hills and Frye are both locked up in the Bradford County jail, Hills on a $500,000 bail and Frye on $750,000. Tech Support Pits From: Fred Re: Making a picture larger Dear Webby, I have a digital picture that measures 548 x411 pixels but the company requires a minimum of 700 x 500. Would you please advise me how to increase the pixel size. Thank you, Fred Dear Fred Any graphics program will do that, even Windows Paint, though that is really scraping the bottom of the barrel. First increase the color depth to 16 Million. Then soften the contrast just slightly, about 2 - 3 %. Next, increase the picture size to what you need. And finally, sharpen the contrast 6 - 10%. If picture quality is not that important, you can skip the softening and sharpening. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Thanks to Kati for bringing back this classic: He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The Pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc. The kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the Pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and pulled it until the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten. That's what he did, all the while checking his progress in the car. He then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved the car a little further forward, the rope broke. The tree went "boing!" and the kitten instantly sailed through the air - out of sight. The Pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they'd seen a little kitten. No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten So he prayed, "Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping," and went on about his business. A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one of his church members. He happened to look into her s hopping cart and was amazed to see cat food. This woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her, "Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?" She replied, "You won't believe this," and then told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom finally told her little girl, "Well, if God gives you a cat, I'll let you keep it." She told the Pastor, "I watched my child go out in the yard, get on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you won't believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right in her lap. She has not let off holding and petting and smooching the kitten." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Two elderly ladies met at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health, one asked how the other's husband was doing. "Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!" "Oh dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend "What did you do?" "Opened a can of peas instead." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shop Around For Checks Don't assume that your bank has the best price on checks. You can often find checks for as much as half the cost from other check suppliers. Just carefully check your bank numbers and personal information as you would with any box of checks. I use ASAP-Cheques.com They are not only much faster than the bank, but cost only about a quarter of what the bank charges. I also get the deposit books from them. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | 31 unusual places in North America people can actually visit. |
___________________________________________________ "Now this is the verbal part of your employment test," said the interviewer. "Can you tell me what gross aggrandized annuity means?" "Certainly," replied the applicant. "It means I didn't pad my bra enough to get the job." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Mr. Doggins was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The birds were ruining his prize winning flower beds. The neighbor told Doggins that the chickens had the right to go where they wanted. Two weeks later, a friend visited Doggins and noticed his flower beds were doing great. The flowers were even beginning to bloom! The friend asked, "How did you get your neighbor to keep his hens in his own yard?" Doggins said, "Easy! One night I hid a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower bed. The next day I let my neighbor see me gather them. I haven't been bothered by his stupid chickens since." ____________________________________________________ | Today, August 3 in 1492 Christopher Columbus left Palos, Spain with three ships. The voyage led him to what is now known as the Americas. He reached the Bahamas on October 12. 1750 Christopher Dock completed the first book of teaching methods. It was titled "A Simple and Thoroughly Prepared School Management." 1777 During the Siege of Fort Stanwix the first U.S. flag was officially flown during battle. 1880 The American Canoe Association was formed at Lake George, NY. 1900 Firestone Tire & Rubber Co. was founded. 1914 Germany declared war on France. The next day World War I began when Britain declared war on Germany. 1933 The Mickey Mouse Watch was introduced for the price of $2.75. 1936 The U.S. State Department advised Americans to leave Spain due to the Spanish Civil War. 1936 Jesse Owens won the first of his four Olympic gold medals. 1943 Gen. George S. Patton verbally abused and slapped a private. Later, Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower ordered him to apologize for the incident. 1956 Bedloe's Island had its name changed to Liberty Island. 1981 U.S. traffic controllers with PATCO, the Professional Air Traffic Controllers Organization, went on strike. They were fired just as U.S. President Reagan had warned. 1985 Mail service returned to a nudist colony in Paradise Lake, FL. Residents promised that they'd wear clothes or stay out of sight when the mailperson came to deliver. 1988 The Iran-Contra hearings ended. No ties were made between U.S. President Reagan and the Nicaraguan Rebels. 1988 The Soviet Union released Mathias Rust. He had been taken into custody on May 28, 1987 for landing a plane in Moscow's Red Square. 1990 Thousands of Iraqi troops pushed within a few miles of the border of Saudi Arabia. This heightened world concerns that the invasion of Kuwait could spread. 1992 The U.S. Senate voted to restrict and eventually end the testing of nuclear weapons. 1992 Russia and Ukraine agreed to put the Black Sea Fleet under joint command. The agreement was to last for three years. 1995 Eyad Ismoil was flown from Jordan to the U.S. to face charges that he had driven the van that blew up in New York's World Trade Center. 2004 In New York, the Statue of Liberty re-opened to the public. The site had been closed since the terrorist attacks on the U.S. on September 11, 2001. 2004 NASA launched the spacecraft Messenger. The 6 1/2 year journey was planned to arrive at the planet Mercury in March 2011. On April 30, 2015, Messenger crashed into the surface of Mercury after sending back more than 270,000 pictures. 2009 Bolivia became the first South American country to declare the right of indigenous people to govern themselves. 2018 Do smiled. |
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