Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, October 25 ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Man Arrested After Calling 911 To Alert Authorities About Alien Invasion _____________________________________________________ Today, October 25 in 1917 The Bolsheviks (Communists) under Vladimir Ilyich Lenin seized power in Russia. _____________________________________________________ Food is an important part of a balanced diet. --- Fran Lebowitz (1950 - ) The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. --- Horace Walpole _____________________________________________________ Top 10 Things Only Women Understand 10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoe in different colors. 8. Why Bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your last time. 5. The difference between beige, off-white, bone, and ecru. 4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. 1. Other women _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ The following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school. Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can't see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do." Q: When driving through fog, what should you use? A: YOUR car. Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident? A: Be too drunk to find your keys. Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving? A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster. Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully? A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully. Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed? A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if she is cute. Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light? A: The color. Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic? A: Heavy psychedelics. Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem? A: Carry loaded weapons. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by James Fleurant, 28, Vero Beach, Florida, USA Man Arrested After Calling 911 To Alert Authorities About Alien Invasion The 28-year-old Florida Man was arrested early yesterday for misuse of the 911 system after he placed a bizarre 1:45 AM call to the police emergency line. Fleurant told an operator that he was seeing aliens, little ones flying low to the ground, according to an arrest affidavit. The Vero Beach resident added that he did not want to go Independence Day on them, an apparent reference to the movie starring Will Smith, Jeff Goldblum, and Bill Pullman. In the 1996 film, an invasion by alien aircraft is repelled, but not before earthlings suffer widespread death and destruction (including the incineration of poor Harvey Fierstein). Fleurant is locked up on $500 bond on the misdemeanor charge. His rap sheet includes convictions for battery, theft, and probation violation. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Kathy RE: IE browser size Dear Webby: How can I make the IE browser size stay put in the size I want? Thanks Kathy Dear Kathy You must be one of the last IE users. OK, here i the approved method for that: It's a bit of a rigamarole, and MSIE does not remember it forever, but it usually works for a week or two. Close ALL open MSIE windows. Open MSIE, right click on a link in the page you opened, and select Open in New Window from the context menu. Resize the new window to the size you want all IE windows to be when you open them by clicking a link. Hold down the Shift key and click the Close icon (X) at the top right of the window to close the new window. Resize the first window you opened to the size you want IE to be when you launch the browser. Close it by holding down Shift and clicking the Close icon. Now your IE windows should open in the sizes you've set, depending on how you open the browser (from a link or by clicking the IE icon to launch the browser). Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor, to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said the student. "And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. "Elation," said she. "And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "How about the opposite of woe?" The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up." ____________________________________________ A paramedic was asked on a local TV talk-show program: "What was your most unusual and challenging 911 call?" "Recently we got a call from that big white church at 11th and Walnut," the paramedic said. "A frantic usher was very concerned that during the sermon an elderly man passed out in a pew and appeared to be dead. The usher could find no pulse and there was no noticeable breathing." "What was so unusual and demanding about this particular call?" the interviewer asked. "Well," the paramedic said, "we carried out four guys before we found the one who was dead." ____________________________________________ Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside? A: K9P ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today October 25 in 1415 In Northern France, England won the Battle of Agincourt over France during the Hundred Years' War. Almost 6000 Frenchmen were killed while fewer than 400 were lost by the English. 1812 During the War of 1812, the U.S. frigate United States captured the British vessel Macedonian. 1854 The Charge of the Light Brigade took place during the Crimean War. The British were winning the Battle of Balaclava when Lord James Cardigan received an order to attack the Russians. He took his troops into a valley and suffered 40 percent caualties. Later it was revealed that the order was the result of confusion and was not given intentionally. 1870 The first U.S. trademark was given. The recipient was the Averill Chemical Paint Company of New York City. 1917 The Bolsheviks (Communists) under Vladimir Ilyich Lenin seized power in Russia. 1929 Alber B. Fall, of U.S. President Harding's cabinet, was found guilty of taking a bribe. He was sentenced to a year in prison and fined $100,000. 1951 In Panmunjom, peace talks concerning the Korean War resumed after 63 days. 1955 The microwave oven for home use was introduced by The Tappan Company. 1958 U.S. Marines withdrew from Beirut, Lebanon. They had been sent in on July 25, 1958, to protect the nation's pro-Western government. 1960 The Accutron watch by the Bulova Watch Company was introduced. 1962 U.S. Ambassador Adlai Stevenson presented photographic evidence to the United Nations Security Council. The photos were of Soviet missile bases in Cuba. 1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and admit mainland China. 1983 U.S. troops and soldiers from six Caribbean nations invaded Grenada to restore order and provide protection to U.S. citizens after a recent coup within Grenada's Communist (pro-Cuban) government. 1990 It was announced by U.S. Defense Secretary Dick Cheney that the Pentagon was planning to send 100,000 more troops to Saudi Arabia. 2000 AT&T Corp. announced that it would restructure into a family of four separately traded companies (consumer, business, broadband and wireless). 2001 It was announced that scientists had unearthed the remains of an ancient crocodile which lived 110 million years ago. The animal, found in Gadoufaoua, Niger, grew as long as 40 feet and weighed as much as eight metric tons. 2020 Do smiled. |
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