Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, October 24 Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: First Lesbian Bishop Orders Church Crosses Replaced with Islamic Symbols Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, October 23, in 1632 Scientist Anthony van Leeuwenhoek was born in Delft, Holland. He created the first microscope lenses that were powerful enough to observe single-celled animals. See More of what happened on this day in history. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in; first, you get accused of things you never did, and later, credited for virtues you never had. --- I. F. Stone (1907 - 1989) Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. --- Douglas Adams ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Chris for sending back this one: (I know, good jokes always come back, but has it been a year already ?) Ma and Pa were two hillbillies living in West Virginia out on a farm up in the hills. Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full. He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole. Ma says, "Why don't you go ask the young'n down the road? He must be smart 'cause he's a college gradjyate." So Pa drives down to the neighbor's house and asks him, "Mr. College gradjyate, my outhouse hole is full, and I don't know what to do to empty it." The young'n tells him, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it's in the air the second one will then go off and spread the poop all across your farm, fertilizing your ground. The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now empty hole." Pa thanks the neighbor, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. He goes home and puts them under the outhouse. He then lights them and runs behind a tree. All of a sudden, Ma comes running out of the house and into the outhouse! Off goes the first stick of dynamite, shooting the outhouse into the air. BOOM! Off goes the second stick of dynamite, spreading poop all over the farm. WHAM! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole. Pa races to the outhouse, throws open the door and asks, "Ma, are you all right??!!" As she pulls up her pants, she says... "Yeah, but I'm sure glad I didn't fart in the kitchen. ______________________________________________________ 2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99 ______________________________________________________ There once was a conservative college in the east coast that had a standing rule, the heat was to be turned on in the dormitories when the school went on winter time. Unfortunately, this year, winter decided to start a bit earlier. Students in both the men's and women's dormitories complained about the bitter cold, but were told that nothing could be done. After days of no heat and no respite in immediate sight, the ladies realized that their dorm faced the equally cold men's dorm. They turned a bed sheet into a banner with the message, "TURN ON THE HEAT OR WE'LL TURN ON THE BOYS!" The thermostat was turned up rather hastily. ______________________________________________________ from FB ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Eva Brunne, Bishop Stockholm, Sweden First Lesbian Bishop Orders Church Crosses Replaced with Islamic Symbols Here is a clear case of religious suicide. The Bishop of Stockholm has proposed a church in her diocese (of course it is not HER church) remove all signs of the cross and put down markings showing the direction to Mecca for the benefit of Muslim worshippers. Eva Brunne, who was made the worlds first openly lesbian bishop by the church of Sweden in 2009, and has a young son with her wife and fellow lesbian priest Gunilla Linden, made the suggestion to make those of other faiths more welcome. This kind of decision has unexpected consequences. First off, the first wave of Sharia Islamists are within their rights to take the lesbian bishop up to the steeple and throw her off. After all, she is a an Infidel, a woman speaking in public and she is homosexualall crimes deserving death. Then they will burn the church down to celebrate. The church targeted is the Seamens mission church in Stockholms eastern dockyards. The Bishop held a meeting there this year and challenged the priest to explain what hed do if a ships crew came into port who werent Christian but wanted to pray. Calling Muslim guests to the church angels, the Bishop later took to her official blog to explain that removing Christian symbols from the church and preparing the building for Muslim prayer doesnt make a priest any less a defender of the faith. Rather, to do any less would make one stingy towards people of other faiths. The bishop insisted this wasnt an issue, after all airports and hospitals already had multi-faith prayer rooms, and converting the dockyard church would only bring it up to speed. Regardless, the announcement has aroused protest. Father Patrik Pettersson, one of the priests in her diocese and active in the same parish as the Seamans mission church has hit back in a blog of his own, complaining there is no way you could equate a consecrated church with a prayer room, remarking I should have thought a bishop would be able to tell the difference. The actual priest at the Seamans mission was left nonplussed by the comments of the Bishop when contacted by Dagen.se for comment. As an independent mission the church operates outside of the diocese, and so the bishop has no authority there, a fact reflected by the response of the church director who said the bishops words were her business alone. When asked whether she would be removing the cross from her church, Kiki Wetterberg responded: I have no problem with Muslim or Hindu sailors coming here and praying. But I believe that we are a Christian church, so we keep the symbols. If I visit a mosque I do not ask them to take down their symbols. Its my choice to go in there. The upper echelons of the Church of Sweden, much like other national churches across Europe, seem to be fully invested in the diversity mission. A parish church in multicultural paradise Malm declared it would be holding a service in solidarity with the local Muslim community as a protest against a march by anti-Islamisation movement PEGIDA in the city. The priest responsible told media: During the protest, the Swedish Church is going to hold a service where we express joy for our city and our Muslim friends. There is strong support for diverse cultures in Malm and it is important that the church is there to support that. Malm is Swedens gateway to Europe, and is the main point of ingress to the Nordic nations for the thousands of migrants travelling through Europe from Africa and the East who have decided to make it home. Source: Breitbart As a major bottleneck into the region, with a single bridge and ferry route connecting the country to the rest of Europe, the arrival of these migrants has heralded an unprecedented level of criminality in the city. Describing the no-go zones that have sprung up around the city and calling for greater border controls to get criminal migration under control, Chief Superintendent Torsten Elofsson said: Years ago you could go with two officers, no problem. Now you have to send four officers and two cars if the fire brigade want to go, they have to take a police escort. They throw stones and try to stop the fireman from putting out fires. They sabotage the police cars. You cant leave them unguarded when you come back to it you find the windows smashed and the tyres deflated. It isnt quite a no-go zone, but we have had to develop special routines to go there. Of course the bishop is a liberal, so she never sees the problems. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits >From Carol Re: Make icons on W10 Dear Webby, Would you tell me how to make icons on my desktop? It does not work the same way with 10 as it did with previous versions. Thanks, Carol Dear Carol I have so far avoided W10, but according to the instructions the procedure is the same. Use the file explorer to find the program that you want an icon for, right-click on its ".exe" file and select Send To > Desktop (Create shortcut). You will see that its shortcut has been created on your Windows desktop. If you have a stash of better icons, right-click that icon, Properties, Change Icon, and browse to the one, that you want. Have FUN! DearWebby A Texan, a Scot and a Californian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the Texan, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. "Well," said the Texan, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Californian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew was back here." "That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?" "Last I saw them," replied the Texan, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Californian was waiting for the government to pay his." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Personalized Serving Tray By Sandy [55 Posts, 45 Comments] Total Time: 8 hours depending on how long the urethane needs to dry Yield: 1 Supplies: 1 wooden tray stain - Minwax penetrating stain 2 latex gloves to protect your hands saying - I used one from the Dollar store wood glue - Titebond III 4 wood beads, marbles or whatever you choose for the bottom Minwax spar urethane spray finish Steps: I sanded the wood tray; just to be sure there were no rough edges. Stain the tray making sure to use the gloves! Let the stain dry completely before moving on to the next step. This might take overnight, depending on what time of day you get started. Choose the placement of your message. Apply the saying. I used a urethane spray finish over the entire tray, (top, sides, and bottom). Again, this will need to dry before going to the next step. I used Titebond III wood glue to affix the wood beads to the bottom of the tray. You are now ready to enjoy or give as a gift. Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
One night a father was helping his son with his homework. The father asked "What is the Gross National Product?". Without any hesitation, the little boy replied "Broccoli!" | | Crankin' Up the 3-String Shovel Guitar! |
____________________________________________________ Test answers: - A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities. - Syntax is all the money collected at the church from synners. - In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah. - A census taker is man who goes from house to house and increases the population. ____________________________________________________ Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity. "I'm foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time." The operator giggled, "That's really funny," she said. "All these years we've been setting our clock by your whistle. ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ | Today on October 24 in 1632 Scientist Anthony van Leeuwenhoek was born in Delft, Holland. He created the first microscope lenses that were powerful enough to observe single-celled animals. 1648 The Holy Roman Empire was effectively destroyed by the Peace of Westphalia that brought an end to the Thirty Years War. 1795 The country of Poland was again divided up between Austria, Prussia, and Russia. 1836 Alonzo D. Phillips received a patent for the phosphorous friction safety match. 1861 The first transcontinental telegraph message was sent when Justice Stephen J. Field of California transmitted a telegram to U.S. President Lincoln. 1901 Daredevil Anna Edson Taylor became the first person to go over Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. She was 63 years old. 1929 In the U.S., investors dumped more than 13 million shares on the stock market. The day is known as "Black Tuesday." 1931 The upper level of the George Washington Bridge opened for traffic between New York and New Jersey. 1939 Nylon stockings were sold to the public for the first time in Wilmington, DE. 1940 In the U.S., the 40-hour workweek went into effect under the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938. 1945 The United Nations (UN) was formally established less than a month after the end of World War II. 1948 The term "cold war" was used for the first time. It was in a speech by Bernard Baruch before the Senate War Investigating Committee. 1960 All remaining American-owned property in Cuba was nationalized. The process of nationalizing all U.S. and foreign-owned property in Cuban had begun on August 6, 1960. 1962 During the Cuban Missile Crisis, U.S. military forces went on the highest alert in the postwar era in preparation for a possible full-scale war with the Soviet Union. The U.S. blockade of Cuba officially began on this day. 1969 Richard Burton bought his wife Elizabeth Taylor a 69- carat Cartier diamond ring for $1.5 million. Burton presented the ring to Taylor several days later. 1986 Britain broke off relations with Syria after a Jordanian was convicted in an attempted bombing. The evidence in the trial led to the belief that Syria was involved in the attack on the Israeli jetliner. 1992 The Toronto Blue Jays became the first non-U.S. team to win the World Series. 2001 The U.S. House of Representatives approved legislation that gave police the power to secretly search homes, tap all of a person's telephone conversation and track people's use of the Internet. 2001 The U.S. stamp "United We Stand" was dedicated. 2001 NASA's 2001 Mars Odyssey spacecraft successfully entered orbit around Mars. 2002 Microsoft Corp. and Walt Disney Co. announced the release of an upgraded MSN Internet service with Disney content. 2003 In London, the last commercial supersonic Concorde flight landed. 2016 Do smiled. |
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