Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, July 29 Thank you, Nancy!! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Female Corrections Officer Arrested For Sexual Contact With Male Prisoner ___________________________________________________ Today, July 29 in 1968 Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's stance against artificial methods of birth control. ____________________________________________________ When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?' --- Don Marquis (1878 - 1937) ____________________________________________________ Mrs. Lonefold's dishwasher quit working, so she called a Repairman. He couldn't accommodate her with an evening appointment, and, since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: "I'll leave the key under the mat. "Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. By the way, don't worry about my Rottweiler. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, not under any circumstances talk to my parrot!" When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Lonefold's apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen. But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business. However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with his incessant cursing, yelling, and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled: "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!" To which the parrot replied: "Sic him, Brutus! ____________________________________________________ Stuart Chan MalayanTiger-L.jpg ____________________________________________________ Two nuns were driving down a country road when they ran out of gas. They walked to a farmhouse and a farmer gave them some gasoline; but the only container he had was an old bedpan. The nuns were happy to take whatever they were offered and returned to their car. As they were pouring the gasoline from the bedpan into the tank of their car, a minister drove by. He stopped, rolled down his window and said, "Excuse me, sisters. I'm not of your religion, but I couldn't help admiring your faith!" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Haven Shank, Missouri, USA Female Corrections Officer Arrested For Sexual Contact With Male Prisoner This is not what comes to mind when you hear that an inmate was repeatedly shanked. A Missouri corrections officer named Haven Shank has been arrested for allegedly having sex on multiple occasions with a male offender, a relationship that apparently has left the defendant pregnant, court records show. Shank, 26, was charged this month with a felony for engaging in sexual contact with a prisoner (who was locked up in the state facility where Shank worked). During an interview with a Department of Corrections investigator, the inmate, Jeron Ward, said that he had sex with Shank on approximately five separate occasions. Ward also said that he placed calls to Shank via a phone she had given him. In one conversation, according to a probable cause statement, Shank asked Ward if he picked a name for Haven Shanks unborn child. The pairs sexual encounters allegedly spanned several months and ended earlier this year. A female witness told investigators that Shank told her she became impregnated by an offender. Shanks former husband gave an investigator a screenshot from Shanks Twitter account which indicated Offender Ward is the father to her unborn child. Pictured above, Shank spent several days in custody prior to her release on her own recognizance following her July 21 arraignment. A Circuit Court judge has ordered Shank to have no contact with Ward, and has scheduled a preliminary hearing for August 6. DearWebby's tech support pits From: Amanda Re: Lost icons Dear Webby I use two monitors, one for work, and one for social efforts. Every now and then all the icons on the work one disappear. I thought that was just a W10 bug, but after I donated my W10 machine to a dumpster and got a W7 refurb. I found that the same thing is happening. What is the problem, and how do I fix it? Amanda Dear Amanda That happens on all Windows machines. Nobody knows why. To get your icons back, reduce all windows, and check on the left or main monitor for your icons. All, or most, of the lost icons will be there, and you can drag them back to the other monitor. Not difficult, just a nuisance. Have FUN! DearWebby A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Money can't buy everything. That's what credit cards are for. ____________________________________________ I can't play fetch with my dog," said Tona. "Why not?" "Because," she replied, "he can't throw." ____________________________________________ Late one afternoon, the Air Force guys out at Area 51 are surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impound the aircraft and haul the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story is that he took off out of Las Vegas, got lost and found the base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force starts a full security check on the guy and hold him overnight. The next day they are finally convinced that the guy really was lost and is not a spy. They gas up his airplane, give him a terrifying "you did not see a base" briefing complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison. They say Vegas is that-a-way on this heading and send him off. The next day, here comes the Cessna again. Once again the MPs surround the plane, only this time there are two people in the plane. The same pilot jumps out and says: "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and SHE DEMANDS to know where I was last night." ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, July 29, in 1588 The English defeated the Spanish Armada in the Battle of Gravelines. 1754 The first international boxing match was held. The 25- minute match was won when Jack Slack of Britain knocked out Jean Petit from France. 1874 Major Walter Copton Winfield of England received U.S. patent for the lawn-tennis court. 1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was inaugurated when two people held a conversation between New York, NY and San Francisco, CA. 1940 John Sigmund of St. Louis, MO, completed a 292-mile swim down the Mississippi River. The swim from St. Louis to Caruthersville, MO took him 89 hours and 48 minutes. 1957 The International Atomic Energy Agency was established. 1958 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 1968 Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's stance against artificial methods of birth control. 1975 OAS (Organization of American States) members voted to lift collective sanctions against Cuba. The U.S. government welcomed the action and announced its intention to open serious discussions with Cuba on normalization. 1981 England's Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer were married. 1985 General Motors announced that Spring Hill, TN, would be the home of the Saturn automobile assembly plant. 1993 The Israeli Supreme Court acquitted retired Ohio autoworker John Demjanjuk of being Nazi death camp guard "Ivan the Terrible." His death sentence was thrown out and he was set free. 1997 Minamata Bay in Japan was declared free of mercury 40 years after contaminated food fish were blamed for deaths and birth defects. 1998 The United Auto Workers union ended a 54-day strike against General Motors. The strike caused $2.8 billion in lost revenues. 2005 Astronomers announced that they had discovered a new planet (Xena) larger than Pluto in orbit around the sun. 2021 Do smiled. |
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