s
| Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, September 4 ___________________________________________________ History on this day, September 2004, Keegan Reilly, 22, became the first parapalegic climber to reach the peak of Japan's Mount Fuji. ____________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Multi-state fugitive shot by Mesa officers after crashing into pizzeria ____________________________________________________ Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch. --- Orson Welles (1915 - 1985) I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ____________________________________________________ While touring the University with some college-bound friends, I saw an advertisement that summed up the pre- college anxieties we were all feeling. Posted in a campus restaurant was this sign for a credit- card company: "Accepted at more colleges than you were." _____________________________________________________ Who are YOU looking for? Carburn Park Marina de Mendona, Calgary ___________________________________________________ While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time he reached the teller's window, the hiccups seemed to have worsened. The teller took my friend's check and proceeded to run a computer verification of his account. After a minute she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash his check. "Why not?" my friend asked incredulously. "I'm sorry, sir," she replied, "but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact," she continued, "our records show your account overdrawn in excess of $5000." "It can't be!" he cried. "You have to be kidding!" "Yes, I am," she answered with a smile, counting out his cash. "But you will notice that your hiccups are gone." ----------- At my bank, RBC, my favorite teller undid two buttons and leaned forward for a few seconds. Hiccups was GONE in 2 seconds. She smiled and buttoned up. I thanked her for the medicine. ____________________________________________________ Since I was the first to arrive at our high-tech company one morning, I answered the telephone. When the caller asked for field engineering, I explained that it was before normal business hours, but that I would help if I could. "What's your job there?" the caller asked me. "I'm the president," I replied. There was a pause. Then he said, "I'll call back later. I need to talk to someone who knows something." __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kevin McKinney, in jail now, Mesa, Arizona, USA Multi-state fugitive shot by Mesa officers after crashing into pizzeria A shooting involving Mesa Police officers and an out-of- state man wanted for murder ended in a crash on Sunday, Aug. 21. Police say the suspect drove into Jimmy & Joes Pizzeria near Dobson and Baseline Roads when officers began opening fire. The incident began when the Arizona Department of Public Safety called Mesa Police after suspecting a fugitive from Colorado with felony warrants was in the area. Mesa Police sent plain-clothed officers to investigate. They sat for a few hours and watched. Officers found this car, a black SUV, and the man that DPS had said matched the description of the Colorado fugitive. That's when the SWAT team was called. Just before 5 p.m., the suspect left the store, got into his car, and the SWAT team tried to take him into custody. "He refused all commands at that point. Put the car in drive and attempted to break out of the containment area by driving into the front of the retail business. That retail business did have not only employees, but it also had patrons inside," said Mesa Police Det. Richard Encinas. Encinas said five-to-six people were inside the pizzeria at the time, and no one was injured. The suspect, identified as Kevin McKinney, was also wanted in connection to a deadly shooting in Albuquerque, New Mexico on Saturday, police said in a news release on Aug. 22. McKinney underwent surgery and has been released from the hospital. The Colorado man has been booked into jail and faces a number of charges, including aggravated assault, weapons misconduct, criminal damage, endangerment and fugitive- related crimes. _____________________________________________________ Peter King Green Heron, Sikome Lake storm pond, FCPP, Calgary this morning _____________________________________________________ An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?" Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "F___ you!" Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too." _____________________________________________________ >From Lindy You know you are suffering from "Empty Nest Syndrome" if..... You have thrown out the better part of the last several one-gallon jugs of milk, but still can't bring yourself to buy the one-quart cartons. You called the power company and asked them to check your meter, because the hot-water bill has been way too low. You suddenly realize that you no longer need to include video late fees as part of the monthly budget. You are shocked when you notice you can push the buttons on the car radio and KNOW what station you will get. The bottle of shampoo has been in the shower so long you are starting to think it might be a mystical experience - kind of a loaves-and-fishes thing. They've been gone three years and you still cook enough for your husband to have seconds and thirds ... and fourths. You still walk through the living room in the crouched position with your picking-up hand brushing the floor, even though it encounters no dirty socks. You ask the mechanic to check why your car is costing so little to run. Your cupboards overflow with uneaten school lunch treats. You still hide your best make-up. _____________________________________________________ Who are YOU looking for? Carburn Park Marina de Mendona, Calgary ___________________________________________________ The teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the break. "We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania," he replied. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said. "Can you tell the class how you spell 'Punxsutawney'?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "You know, come to think of it, we went to Ohio." _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Justine RE: Lost cursor Dear Webby, Every now and then, when I am busy elsewhere, like getting or making coffee, by cursor goes AWOL, and I have to reboot to get it back. That is a major nuisance! How do I fix that? I got W10, unfortunately. Justine Dear Justine That seems to be a popular problem with W10 and most experts seem to think it is due to the pissing contest going on between Microsoft and Logitech. Nobody has real solutions, that actually work. I would recommend that you set your mouse to show target rings, when you hit the CTRL key. Next time your mouse goes AWOL, lift it up, wipe your finger across the laser light, put it back down and keep hitting the CTRL key. After about a dozen hits, you will see the target rings somewhere, and can use the mouse again. That trick is not a fix. It will do it again when you least expect it, but it will let you continue working without rebooting and losing unsaved stuff. It is also a good idea to set each program in Open Office and in Microsoft Office to automatically save every 2 minutes. From Walter: Hi Dear Webby, my W10 laptop also often used to lose the cursor. But a friend gave me a simple cure for this: hit the F5 key. It always works for me. Thank you for all your helpful tips. Be well, live long, prosper, and Carpe Diem, Walter @ https://www.stonecarver.com/ HaveFUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one. "No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole in a thunder storm." _____________________________________________________ SOME GOOD NEWS: The parachute company says you'll get a full refund. They say the house didn't float very far at all. The "National Enquirer" just loved those pictures of you at work. Jerry Springer wants to surprise you on his show. The reward for your capture has reached fifty thousand dollars. The insurance pays the full book value ($312) for your 1956 T Bird. The thieves left the push lawn mower and manual hedge trimmers. Police found your car in isle 3 in the liquor store. Those Grand Juries always over-react. Don't worry about it. The boss said while you're sick, he'd do all your work personally. _____________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, September 4, in 0476, Romulus Augustulus, the last emperor of the western Roman Empire, was deposed when Odoacer proclaimed himself King of Italy. 1609, English navigator Henry Hudson began exploring the island of Manhattan. 1781, Los Angeles, CA, was founded by Spanish settlers. The original name was "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora La Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula," which translates as "The Town of the Queen of Angels." 1825, New York Governor Clinton ceremoniously emptied a barrel of Lake Erie water in the Atlantic Ocean to consummate the "Marriage of the Waters" of the Great Lakes and the Atlantic. 1833, Barney Flaherty answered an ad in "The New York Sun" and became the first newsboy/paperboy at the age of 10. 1882, Thomas Edison's Pearl Street electric power station began operations in New York City. It was the first display of a practical electrical lighting system. 1885, The Exchange Buffet opened in New York City. It was the first self-service cafeteria in the U.S. 1886, Geronimo, and the Apache Indians he led, surrendered in Skeleton Canyon in Arizona to Gen. Nelson Miles. 1888, George Eastman registered the name "Kodak" and patented his roll-film camera. The camera took 100 exposures per roll. 1894, A strike in New York City by 12,000 tailors took place to protest sweatshops. 1899, An 8.3 earthquake hit Yakutat Bar, AK. 1917, The American expeditionary force in France suffered its first fatalities in World War I. 1921, The first police broadcast was made by radio station WIL in St. Louis, MO. 1923, The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," began its maiden voyage in Lakehurst, NJ. 1944, During World War II, British troops entered the city of Antwerp, Belgium. 1948, The Dutch Queen Wilhelmina left her throne for health reasons. 1949, The longest pro tennis match in history was played when Pancho Gonzales and Ted Schroeder played 67 games in five sets. 1951, The first live, coast-to-coast TV broadcast took place in the U.S. The event took place in San Francisco, CA, from the Japanese Peace Treaty Conference. It was seen all the way to New York City, NY. 1957, The Arkansas National Guard was ordered by Governor Orval Faubus to keep nine black students from going into Little Rock's Central High School. 1957, The Ford Motor Company began selling the Edsel. The car was so unpopular that it was taken off the market in only two years. 1967, "Gilligan's Island" aired for the last time on CBS- TV. It ran for 98 shows. 1967, Michigan Gov. George Romney said during a TV interview that he had undergone "brainwashing" by U.S. officials while visiting Vietnam in 1965. 1972, Swimmer Mark Spitz captured his seventh Olympic gold medal in the 400-meter medley relay event at Munich, Germany. Spitz was the first Olympian to win seven gold medals. 1981, The Soviet Union began war games with about 100,000 troops on the Polish border. 1983, U.S. officials announced that there had been an American plane, used for reconnaissance, in the vicinity of the Korean Air Lines flight that was shot down. 1986, South African security forces halted a mass funeral for the victims of the riot in Soweto. 1989, A reconnaissance satellite was released by the Air Force's Titan Three rocket. The Titan Three set over 200 satellites into space between 1964 and 1989. 1993, Pope John Paul II started his first visit to the former Soviet Union. 1993, Jim Abbott (New York Yankees) pitched a no-hitter. Abbott had been born without a right hand. 1995, The Fourth World Conference on Women was opened in Beijing. There were over 4,750 delegates from 181 countries in attendance. 1998, In Mexico, bankers stopped approving personal loans and mortgages. 1998, The International Monetary Fund approved a $257 million loan for the Ukraine. 1998, Google was incorporated as a privately held company. 1998, While in Ireland, U.S. President Clinton said the words "I'm sorry" for the first time about his affair with Monica Lewinsky and described his behavior as indefensible. 1999, The United Nations announced that the residents of East Timor had overwhelmingly voted for independence from Indonesia in a referendum held on August 30. In Dili, pro- Indonesian militias attacked independence supporters, burned buildings, blew up bridges and destroyed telecommunication facilities. 2003, Keegan Reilly, 22, became the first parapalegic climber to reach the peak of Japan's Mount Fuji. 2022 Do! smiled. |
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Go to TOP
Well, Do , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name,
or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me.
I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly
from then on.
If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't
have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me.
I will gladly enter them for you and send them a confirmation request.
To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to [email protected]
If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time,
then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription.
If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/sub.html
You can also UNsubscribe there.
If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter,
please unsubscribe by clicking the link below:
You are currently subscribed to the Regular HTML version with this address:
[email protected]
UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular HTMLversion Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter | . |
