Good Morning, Do, Today is Sunday, December 3 Thank you, Frank!!! Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: 20 times deported Mexican convicted of kidnapping and sexually abusing two Oregon women grins in court, gets 35 this time. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, December 3 in 1792 The trial of France's King Louis XVI began. He was eventually put to death for the 33 charges. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. --- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914) Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf. --- Lewis Mumford (1895 - 1990) An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. --- Laurence J. Peter ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ David and Bernice had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges. On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party. The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30am the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?" "Not too late, Dad." she replied nervously. Dead-panned, her father said, "Then, my precious one, I'll have to talk with the paperboy about lifting the car and putting my paper under the front tire of the car." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A father from Eastern Europe is visiting his son in America for the very first time. They are at the local supermarket going up and down the aisles. Dad: "Vas diss, powdered orange juice?" Son: "Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh orange juice!" A few minutes later, in a different aisle the father says: "Und vas dis, powdered milk?" Son: "Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!" A few minutes later, in a different aisle the father says: "Und give look here. Baby Powder! Vat a country! Dey take da fun outta making everyting!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Way down upon the Mississippi, two tugboat captains who had been friends for years, would always scream "Aye!" and furiously blow their whistles whenever they passed each other. A new crewman asked his boat's mate, "What do they do that for?" The Cajun mate looked surprised and replied, "You dumbo, ya say you neva heard of... 'an aye for an aye and a toot for a toot'?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sergio Jose Martinez, 31, Portland, Oregon 20 times deported Mexican convicted of kidnapping and sexually abusing two Oregon women grins in court, gets 35 this time. He has sexually assaulted a women in her home and attacked another in a parking lot. Both were on the same July day, a week after he was released from jail. Martinez pleaded guilty to 10 counts including sodomy and sexual assault Martinez smiled throughout the trial, and as he left, he gave one grim parting shot to his two victims' relatives: 'See all you guys in Hell.' The first attack occurred early on the morning of July 24, when Martinez entered the Northeast Portland home of a 65-year-old woman through a window she had left open to cool the house. Wielding a metal rod, Martinez told the woman to get down on the ground, where he bound and blindfolded her, threatened to murder her, and then sexually assaulted her, KGW reported. He stole the woman's purse and car; she called the police from a neighbor's home, and they located the vehicle and put it under surveillance. While they kept an eye on the car, however, Martinez was stalking his second victim in a parking garage on the corner of Northeast 21st Avenue and Northeast Halsey Street. He approached her carrying a knife and made her get into her car; as he got in after her she attempted to escape, but he was able to grab her and start slamming her head into the ground. The woman called out for help and as passersby approached, Martinez attempted to steal her car, then fled on foot when it failed to start. Police caught him minutes later. Two relatives of one of the victims, and one of the victims herself, spoke during the sentencing phase Friday, in which Martinez often grinned. A brother of one victim told Martinez: 'Sergio, no sentencing is enough. I rather you rot in Hell.' Martinez had been freed from jail in Portland a week before the attacks; he was in there for interfering with police and providing a false birth date. He was released despite a request from US Immigration and Customs Enforcement for the Multnomah County Sheriff's Office to hold him so the agency could take him into custody. It seems that Martiez expected the Oregon Sanctuary State Liberals to bail him out again, however this time he will have to enjoy a few years of free room and board first. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rhonda Re: Locate De-Sorted pictures Dear Webby, Thanks for the flexible and washable keyboard! I had seen it once at a daycare center, but they did not know where they had gotten it from many years ago. My not too bright hubby moved around all of my pictures while I was away on a course. Instead of in twelve neat category sub-folders in one folder, they are now all over the computer, and most I can't even find! He says, at the time his system made more sense to him, but even he can't find most of them. HELP! How do I get them back? Rhonda Dear Rhonda If you dont have EVERYTHING Search, add another category folder and call it "Unsorted". Click on START, Search, and search for *.jpg, *.gif, *.psp and whatever other type of picture you have. When the search is completed, open a Windows File Explorer and line up your categories folder. Then, back in the Search window, click on one file, hit CTRL A to highlight all, then hold down SHIFT and drag the files to the new "Unsorted" folder. Close Search and any program that does not absolutely have to be running. Now, in the file explorer window, look for the VIEWS icon on top. It's the one with six dots in it and a pull- down arrow beside it. Pull that down and select "Thumbnails". Windows will start making a thumbnail for each picture. If you have thousands of pictures, this will take some time. Best is to not touch anything while it is doing this. Just let it run until that task is completed. Once that is done, click on the folders icon, so that you see the other category folders in the left sidebar. Like most file handling operations, this works best in Classic View mode. You can select that in Tools, Folder Options in the File Explorer top menu. Now you have the thumbnails on the right, and your twelve category folders on the left, and you simply drag each picture into the correct category. This obviously is going to take some time. It will work best if your hubby in the meantime cleans up the kitchen and cooks meals, while you repair the damage. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. During a dinner party, the hosts' two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. There was a moment of silence at the table, during which the little girl was heard to say to her brother, "You see, it *IS* vanishing cream! They dont see us!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Thanks to Gina for this story: Upset over a newlywed squabble with my husband, I went to my mother to complain. Trying to console me, my dad said that men are not all like this all the time. "Nonsense," I said. "Men are good for only one thing!" "Yes," my mother interjected, "but how often do you have to parallel park?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Food Fixes - Ripe Fruit? Fruit that is not acceptable for eating whole or in a salad could be great for other purposes. Ripe fruit makes a delicious ingredient in smoothies and many baking recipes. If you don't have time use the fruit, just freeze it for later use. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com font> Some recipes, like Banana Bread, even call for over-ripe bananas. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Martin for this classic: Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him; the other one, the Star of David. Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross. A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite," The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing." Dear Webby, just wanted to say thank you for your incredible newsletter. It's the best thing out there. I love the jokes, kudos, pictures and boneheads. I can't wait to get to the bottom to find the bonus link. Thank you for the time and effort you put into amusing us. Great job! Jayne ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, December 3, in 1792 The trial of France's King Louis XVI began. He was eventually put to death for the 33 charges. 1833 Oberlin College in Ohio opened as the first truly coeducational school of higher education in the United States. 1835 In Rhode Island, the Manufacturer Mutual Fire Insurance Company issued the first fire insurance policy. 1910 The neon lamp was displayed for the first time at the Paris Motor Show. The lamp was developed by French physicist Georges Claude. 1917 The Quebec Bridge opened for traffic after almost 20 years of planning and construction. The bridge suffered partial collapses in 1907 (August 29) and 1916 (September 11). 1931 Alka Seltzer was sold for the first time. 1947 The Tennessee Williams play "A Streetcar Named Desire" opened at Broadway's Ethel Barrymore Theater. 1948 The "Pumpkin Papers" came to public light. The House Un-American Activities Committee announced that former Communist spy Whittaker Chambers had produced microfilm of secret documents hidden inside a pumpkin on his Maryland farm. 1950 Paul Harvey began his national radio broadcast. 1967 In Cape Town, South Africa, a team of surgeons headed by Dr. Christian Barnard, performed the first human heart transplant on Louis Washkansky. Washkansky only lived 18 days after that. 1968 The rules committee of Major League Baseball (MLB) announced that in 1969 the pitcher's mound would be lowered from 15 to 10 inches. This was done in order to "get more batting action." 1973 Pioneer 10 sent back the first close-up images of Jupiter. The first outer-planetary probe had been launched from Cape Canaveral, FL, on March 2, 1972. 1983 3-foot-high concrete barriers were installed at two White House entrances. 1984 In Bhopal, India, more than 2,000 people were killed after a cloud of poisonous gas escaped from a pesticide plant. The plant was operated by a Union Carbide subsidiary. 1992 The Greek tanker "Aegean Sea" ran aground at La Coruna, Spain and spilled 21.5 million gallons of crude oil. 1993 Britain's Princess Diana announced she would be limiting her public appearances because she was tired of the media's intrusions into her life. 1993 Angola's government and its rebel enemies agreed to a cease-fire in their 18-year war. 1994 Rebel Serbs in Bosnia failed to keep a pledge to release hundreds of UN peacekeepers. 1995 Former South Korean president Chun Doo-hwan was arrested for his role in a 1979 coup. 1997 In Ottawa, Canada, more than 120 countries were represented to sign a treaty prohibiting the use and production of anti-personnel land mines. The United States, China and Russia did not sign the treaty. 1997 South Korea received $55 billion from the International Monetary Fund to bail out its economy. 1999 Tori Murden became the first woman to row across the Atlantic Ocean alone. It took her 81 days to reach the French Caribbean island of Guadeloupe from the Canary Islands. 1999 The World Trade Organization (WTO) concluded a four- day meeting in Seattle, WA, without setting an agenda for a new round of trade talks. The meeting was met with fierce protests by various groups causing Billions of $ damage. 1999 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) lost radio contact with the Mars Polar Lander as it entered Mars' atmosphere. The spacecraft was unmanned. 2010 The Boeing X-37 returned to Earth successfully after its first orbital mission. It launched on April 22, 2010. 2017 Do smiled. |
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