--- Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, June 27 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Arkansas purse thief nabbed by the waitress, whose purse he had stolen, when he used her credit card to pay for his meal. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, June 27 in 1885 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter applied for a patent for the gramophone. It was granted on May 4, 1886. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace. --- John Mason Brown (1900 - 1969) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is waiting anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife is having their first baby. He is pacing the floor when the nurse comes out and says, "You have a little boy, Mr. Marsh, but you had better go out and have a cup of coffee, because there may be another one." Swampy turns a little pale and leaves. Some time later he phones the hospital and is told that he the father of twins, but the nurse cautions, "There is another on the way, so call back later." At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough, so he goes to a bar and has some beer. When he phones the hospital again he is told that the third baby has arrived and a fourth is on the way. White-faced, he stumbles to the bar and orders a double scotch. Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is so drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the recorded cricket game score. When they pick him up off the floor the recording is still going strong: "The score is ninety-six all out," says the voice, "and the last one was a duck." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ >Thanks to Janet G Los Cabo, Mexico _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Bob took his 4 year old Josh, out to McDonald's for dinner one evening for a "guy night". As they were eating hamburgers, Josh asked "Daddy, what are these little things on the hamburger buns?" He responded that they were tiny seeds and were ok to eat. Josh was quiet for a couple of minutes and obviously in deep thought. Finally, Josh looked up and said, "Dad, if we go home and plant these seeds in our backyard, we will have enough hamburgers to last forever." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shamon West, 21, Pine Bluff, Arkansas Arkansas purse thief nabbed by the waitress, whose purse he had stolen, when he used her credit card to pay for his meal. Authorities say an Arkansas thief got his just deserts when he tried to pay for a meal using the waitress' stolen credit card. Police spokesman Lt. David De Foor said in a news release that officers arrested 21-year-old Shamon West on Tuesday at Shannon's Restaurant in Pine Bluff. He says that "having no desire to pay for the fellow's meal," waitress Flora Lunsford called to report that the man had tried paying for his meal with her stolen credit card. De Foor says officers found other items on West that had been in Lunsford's purse when it was stolen from her car Sunday at a nearby gas station while she was inside the station, including her Social Security card and driver's license. West is being held at the Jefferson County jail in lieu of $2,840 bond on forgery and theft by receiving charges. Tech Support Pits From: Kathleen Re: Separate Window Dear Webby I saw one of the IT guys pop from a link on a page to a fresh window, without overwriting the one where the link was. I asked him how he did that and he managed o confuse not only me, but also himself. So, how is it done? Kathleen Dear Kathleen Just hold down SHIFT and click the link. If the link is just to a small pop-up, then hold down CTRL while you click the link. That's all there is to it. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees." The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads, "No" After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation"... Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bathroom Maintenance A good way to keep your tub or shower clean is to wipe it down after you use it. You can do it with the towel you use to dry yourself. Teach your kids to do the same. Your tub will require cleaning much less frequently. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Tiny, perfect staircases made by a secret society of French woodworkers. |
___________________________________________________ I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I Dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries...it's a long walk." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question always asked: "If our chute doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?" The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: "The rest of your life." ____________________________________________________ | Today, June 27 in 0363 The death of Roman Emperor Julian brought an end to the Pagan Revival. 1693 "The Ladies' Mercury" was published by John Dunton in London. It was the first women's magazine and contained a "question and answer" column that became known as a "problem page." 1743 King George II of England defeated the French at Dettingen, Bavaria, in the War of the Austrian Succession. 1787 Edward Gibbon completed "The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire." It was published the following May. 1801 British forces defeated the French and took control of Cairo, Egypt. 1847 New York and Boston were linked by telegraph wires. 1871 The yen became the new form of currency in Japan. 1885 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter applied for a patent for the gramophone. It was granted on May 4, 1886. 1893 The New York stock market crashed. By the end of the year 600 banks and 74 railroads had gone out of business. 1905 The battleship Potemkin succumbed to a mutiny on the Black Sea. 1918 Two German pilots were saved by parachutes for the first time. 1923 Yugoslav Premier Nikola Pachitch was wounded by Serb attackers in Belgrade. 1927 The U.S. Marines adopted the English bulldog as their mascot. 1929 Scientists at Bell Laboratories in New York revealed a system for transmitting television pictures. 1931 Igor Sikorsky filed U.S. Patent 1,994,488, which marked a breakthrough in helicopter technology. 1940 Robert Pershing Wadlow was measured by Dr. Cyril MacBryde and Dr. C. M. Charles. They recorded his height at 8' 11.1." He was only 22 at the time of his death on July 15, 1940. 1942 The FBI announced the capture of eight Nazi saboteurs who had been put ashore from a submarine on New York's Long Island. 1944 During World War II, American forces completed their capture of the French port of Cherbourg from the German army. 1949 "Captain Video and His Video Rangers" premiered on the Dumont Television Network. 1950 Two days after North Korea invaded South Korea, U.S. President Truman ordered the Air Force and Navy into the Korean conflict. The United Nations Security Council had asked for member nations to help South Korea repel an invasion from the North. 1954 The world's first atomic power station opened at Obninsk, near Moscow. 1955 The first "Wide Wide World" was broadcast on NBC-TV. 1955 The state of Illinois enacted the first automobile seat belt legislation. 1959 The play, "West Side Story," with music by Leonard Bernstein, closed after 734 performances on Broadway. 1961 Arthur Michael Ramsey was enthroned as the 100th Archbishop of Canterbury. 1964 Ernest Borgnine and Ethel Merman were married. It only lasted 38 days. 1967 The world's first cash dispenser was installed at Barclays Bank in Enfield, England. The device was invented by John Sheppard- Barron. The machine operated on a voucher system and the maximum withdrawal was $28. 1967 Two hundred people were arrested during a race riot in Buffalo, NY. 1969 Patrons at the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar in New York City's Greenwich Village, clashed with police. This incident is considered to be the birth of the homosexual rights movement. 1972 Bobby Hull signed a 10-year hockey contract for $2,500,000. He became a player and coach of the Winnipeg Jets of the World Hockey Association. 1973 Former White House counsel John W. Dean told the Senate Watergate Committee about an "enemies list" that was kept by the Nixon White House. 1973 Nixon vetoed a Senate ban on bombing Cambodia. 1980 U.S. President Carter signed legislation reviving draft registration. 1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that individual colleges could make their own TV package deals. 1984 The Federal Communications Commission moved to deregulate U.S. commercial TV by lifting most programming requirements and ending day-part restrictions on advertising. 1985 Route 66 was officially removed from the United States Highway System. 1985 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to limit the use of combat troops in Nicaragua. 1986 The World Court ruled that the U.S. had broken international law by aiding Nicaraguan rebels. 1995 Qatar's Crown Prince Sheik Hamad bin Khalifa al-Thani ousted his father in a bloodless palace coup. 1998 An English woman was impregnated with her dead husband's sperm after two-year legal battle over her right to the sperm. 1998 In a live joint news conference in China U.S. President Clinton and President Jiang Zemin offered an uncensored airing of differences on human rights, freedom, trade and Tibet. 2002 In the U.S., the Securities and Exchange Commission required companies with annual sales of more than $1.2 billion to submit sworn statements backing up the accuracy of their financial reports. 2005 In Alaska's Denali National Park, a roughly 70-million year old dinosaur track was discovered. The track was form a three-toed Cretaceous period dinosaur. 2018 Do smiled. |
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