Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, January 15 Thank You, Carl !!!! Thank you, Norm!! Thank you, James!! ___________________________________________________ Today, January 15 in 2001 Wikipedia was launched. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | http://clients.webby.com/inv/maidan/index.html |
Today's Bonehead Award: PA manted man used son, 11, as human shield __________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories. --- Arthur C. Clarke (1917 - ) Arthur C Clarke was a fairly good SF writer, until he sidetracked himself with the "Ice Age Is Coming because of your muscle cars!" fad in the late 60's and early 70's. I told him he was full of shit and that the cycles would cause the climate to warm up soon enough. And guess what? Al Gore came up with Gullible Warming, and blamed that on your cars and your farting. Well, Gullible Warming is finished. We are back into the "Ice Age is coming because of YOUR cars!" fad. You can now recycle all of Arthur C Clarke's rethoric from the late 60's. _______________________________________________ >From Connie O "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands." ________________________________________________` Paard van Marken, Northern Holland ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Daniel Taylor, 36, Cambria County, Pennsylvania Wanted man used son, 11, as human shield As police prepared to take him into custody with the aid of a stun gun, a Pennsylvania man used his 11-year-old son as a human shield in an attempt to prevent officers from shocking him, according to a criminal complaint. When state troopers arrived yesterday at a Cambria County residence with an arrest warrant for Daniel Taylor, the 35-year-old defendant was not prepared to surrender. Taylor, cops say, was found hiding in the homes attic, where he refused police commands to surrender. Instead, the complaint alleges, Taylor held his child--who was crying and frightened--in front of him as a shield to prevent the TASER being deployed. When officers sought to pull the boy from his grasp, Taylor struggled with them as he continued to hold his son in place while ignoring police demands to release the child. An initial attempt to stun Taylor failed when the device was accidentally deployed against a state trooper. But a second attempt was successful, which allowed cops to place Taylor in custody. Pictured above, Taylor was charged with multiple crimes, including aggravated assault and endangering the welfare of a minor, both of which are felonies. It is unclear what count (or counts) Taylor was facing in connection with the warrant that brought law enforcement to the his home. Taylor, who was arraigned this morning, is locked up in the county jail in lieu of $30,000 bail. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Line spacing in Open Office Hi Dear Webby, I have a question about how to set the line spacing in Open Office and went to their help site; they referred me to the "Context Menu." Where do I find that "Context Menu" or better yet as the preeminent man of knowledge and right answers can you tell me how to adjust the line spacing in Open Office. My sincerest thanks as always! Be well, live long, prosper, and Carpe Diem, Walter Dear Walter You have to be IN OO Writer. Select the text you want to work with, then open the Format menu and choose "Paragraph." You can change the space before the selected paragraph, after the selected paragraph or between the selected lines to 1 inch using the options under the Indents & Spacing tab. Click "OK" to confirm your settings. 1 inch is just an example. You can, of course, set any dimension. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. The young lady was severely overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day. Repeat this procedure for 2 weeks, and the next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When she returned in two weeks she shocked the doctor -- she had lost nearly 20 pounds! "This is amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" She nodded. "And I tell you doctor, I thought I was going to drop dead by that sixth day." "From hunger, you mean? asked the doctor." "No, from all that damn skipping!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Phrases NOT in an Arkansas' Vocabulary! 30.Oh I just couldn't; Hell, she's only sixteen. 29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex. 28. Duct tape won't fix that. 27. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan. 26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy. 25. We don't keep firearms in this house. 24. Who gives a crap who won the Civil War? 23. You can't feed that to the dog. 22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor. 21. Spittin is such a nasty habit. 20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today. 19. Trim the fat off that steak. 18. Cappuccino tastes better than expresso. 17.Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer? 16. I thought Graceland was tacky. 15.No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe. 14. Honey, we don't need another dog. 13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled? 12. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace? 11. Wrestling's fake. 10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams. 9. The tires on that truck are too big. 8. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts, and would you please bring my salad dressing on the side. 7. What nice body this Merlot has. 6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen. 5. I don't have a favorite college team. 4. She's too young to be wearing a bikini. 3. You All. 2. Checkmate. 1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving tonight. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Make Your Own Unstuffed Dog Toys My dogs like to play with toys, and yet they like to pull out the stuffing even more. As a result I have started to make their own unstuffed dog toys. I took an old fleece pajama pant and cut a good size off of the leg part. This gave me a length of material that was sewed together, but open at both ends. I laid it out flat, right side in, and sewed through both layers to make a square shape. I left a two inch gap at the end so I could turn the toy back out, so the right side of the fabric would show. Then I sewed the little gap shut. Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun ____________________________________________________ | | 2019 Sony World Photography Awards |
___________________________________________________ A belligerent drunk walks into a bar and hollers: "I can lick any man in the place!" The nearest customer looks him up and down, then says: "Crude, but direct. Tell me, is this your first time in a gay bar?" ___________________________________________________ An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here." "You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the harried waiter. "I can only serve one table at a time." ___________________________________________________ A young guy was complaining to his Boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend. "She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her, the young man exclaimed. "Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my wife". Replied the Boss. "Whenever she got out of hand I'd take her pants down and spank her." Shaking his head the young guy replied, "That doesn't work. Once I get her pants down I'm not mad anymore." __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today January 15 in 1559 England's Queen Elizabeth I (Elizabeth Tudor) was crowned in Westminster Abbey. 1624 Many riots occurred in Mexico when it was announced that all churches were to be closed. 1777 The people of New Connecticut (now the state of Vermont) declared their independence. 1870 A cartoon by Thomas Nast titled "A Live Jackass Kicking a Dead Lion" appeared in "Harper's Weekly." The cartoon used the donkey to symbolize the Democratic Party for the first time. 1892 "Triangle" magazine in Springfield, MA, published the rules for a brand new game. The original rules involved attaching peach baskets to a suspended board. It is now known as basketball. 1913 The first telephone line between Berlin and New York was inaugurated. 1936 The first, all glass, windowless building was completed in Toledo, OH. The building was the new home of the Owens-Illinois Glass Company Laboratory. 1943 The Pentagon was dedicated as the world's largest office building just outside Washington, DC, in Arlington, VA. The structure covers 34 acres of land and has 17 miles of corridors. 1955 The first solar-heated, radiation-cooled house was built by Raymond Bliss in Tucson, AZ. 1973 U.S. President Nixon announced the suspension of all U.S. offensive action in North Vietnam. He cited progress in peace negotiations as the reason. 1974 "Happy Days" premiered on ABC-TV. 1986 President Reagan signed legislation making Martin Luther King, Jr.'s birthday a national holiday to be celebrated on the third Monday of January. 1987 Paramount Home Video reported that it would place a commercial at the front of one of its video releases for the first time. It was a 30-second Diet Pepsi ad at the beginning of "Top Gun." 2001 Wikipedia was launched. 2003 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the U.S. Congress had permission to repeatedly extend copyright protection. 2006 NASA's Stardust space probe mission was completed when it's sample return capsule returned to Earth with comet dust from comet Wild 2. 2019 Do smiled. |
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