Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, June 12 Thank you, Nancy!!! Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Math teacher, 25, jailed after her colleagues tipped off cops about her romping with THREE teenage pupils Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 12 in 1099 Crusade leaders visited the Mount of Olives where they met a hermit who urged them to assault Jerusalem. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people. --- Socrates Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it turned into a butterfly. --- Dona Television is to news as bumperstickers are to philosophy. --- Richard Milhous Nixon ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There is a story about a new clerk in a supermarket. A customer asked him if she could buy half a grapefruit. Not knowing what to do, he excused himself to ask the manager. "Some nut out there wants to buy half a grapefruit..." he began, and, suddenly realizing that the customer had entered the office behind him, continued, " ... and this lovely lady would like to buy the other half." The manager was impressed with the way the clerk amicably resolved the problem and they later started chatting. "Where are you from?" asked the store manager. "Fessairton, Pennsylvania," replied the clerk, "home of ugly women and great hockey teams." "Oh, my WIFE is from Fessairton," challenged the manager. Without skipping a beat, the clerk asked, "What team was she on?" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" A girl raised her hand and said, "To clean out all his bank acconts before the inlaws get at them?" ______________________________________________________ Brittany, France _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Erin McAuliffe, 25, Rocky Mount, North Carolina Math teacher, 25, jailed after her colleagues tipped off cops about her romping with THREE teenage pupils McAuliffe has been sacked from Rocky Mount Preparatory School in North Carolina The investigation was launched after admin staff at her school tipped off cops about alleged misconduct involving the maths tutor. All the reported romps with the three boys two 17, one 16 took place away from school, police said. McAuliffe has been charged with three counts of sexual activity with a student and one of indecent liberties with a minor. She has been sacked from Rocky Mount Preparatory, North Carolina, where she had worked since last August. Her bosses said: "We have been fully cooperative with local law enforcement during the course of their handling of this matter." McAuliffe is being held at Carteret County Jail after she was taken into custody on Thursday. She is due in court on Monday. The Rocky Mount job was the first time McAuliffe worked as a teacher full-time, according to her Linkedin profile. She also offered "after-school tutoring to help struggling students improve their critical thinking and problem-solving skills." McAuliffe also worked to "develop alternate enrichment activities and modifications in student programs to increase student understanding." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Brian Re: Light / Flash placement Dear Webby, I was picked (on) to take the volunteer award pictures. I remember that you said to avoid flash if at all possible, but I don't remember what you said about where to place lights. The overhead lights are pretty good and I have room to place hat racks with quartz construction lights on both sides of me. What do you suggest? Brian Put all lights to one side of you. Otherwise you kill contrast. An outstretched arms length or a bit more distance is best. The height of the lights should be a hands width higher than their heads for young people, and about waist high for older people. Low lighting makes double-chins disappear and is generally more flattering to older people. Have FUN! DearWebby A second grader arrived home after school and shocked his mother by announcing, "Today we learned how to make babies." Risking further embarrassment, the mother asked for details on how to make babies. "It's simple, the boy replied, "Just drop the'y' and add 'ies." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Dry Shampoo With Baking Soda and Baby Powder By Dorin [4 Posts, 30 Comments] I mix baking soda with baby powder as a great dry shampoo. I recommend the lavender/chamomile baby powder. The baking soda cleans off build up, and the baby powder soaks up the oil. It's absolutely great when you don't have time for a shower, and gives your hair great body! By Dorinmoz from Sugar Land, TX ____________________________________________________ | | All By Myself at the airport |
____________________________________________________ The applicant for life insurance was finding it difficult to fill out the application. The salesman asked what the trouble was, and the man said that he couldn't answer the question about the cause of death of his father. The salesman wanted to know why. After some embarrassment the client explained that his father had been hanged. The wise salesman pondered for a moment. "Just write: 'Father was taking part in a public function when the platform gave way.'" ___________________________________________________ | | Wish I could visit all of these places. |
It was mealtime during our trip on a small airline in the South. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in front of me. "What are my choices?" he asked. "Yes or no," she replied. --------------- That's even worse than we used to have at Scare North (Air North). There the choice was: "Frozen or thawed?" | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ >From Edna Dear Webby, can you please try to find that old bricklayer's accident report again? You haven't told that one for five years at least, and I can't find it any more. Thanks Edna No Problem, Edna. I have sent that around since the days when I did it via fax, before the internet. Here it is: I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 in the Accident Report Form I put "Lost Presence-of-Mind" as the cause of my accident. You asked in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer, by trade. On the day of the accident I was working alone on the roof of a new 6 story building. When I completed my work, I discovered I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry them down by hand, I decided to lower them down in a barrel, using a pully, which fortunately was attached to the building at the 6th floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went to the ground floor, untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 3 of the Accident Reporting Form, that I weigh 145 pounds. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence-of-mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a high rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, I met the barrel coming down--this explains the fractured skull and broken collar bone. Slowed, only so slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my hand were 2 knuckles deep into the pully. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence-of-mind, and was able to hold tightly to the rope inspite of my increasing pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottem fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 3, and as you might imagine--I began a rapid decent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, yes, I met the barrel coming up, this accounts for the 2 fractured ankles, and the lacerations on my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks, and fortunately, only 3 vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel 6 stories above me, I again lost my presence-of-mind, and let go of the rope. The empty barrel weighed more than the rope--so it came down on me and broke both my legs. I trust I have furnished you the information you require as to how this accident occurred. ____________________________________________________ | Today, on June 12, in 1099 Crusade leaders visited the Mount of Olives where they met a hermit who urged them to assault Jerusalem. 1442 Alfonso V of Aragon was crowned King of Naples. 1665 England installed a municipal government in New York. It was the former Dutch settlement of New Amsterdam. 1812 Napoleon's invasion of Russia began. 1839 Abner Doubleday created the game of baseball, according to the legend. 1849 Lewis Haslett patented a gas mask. (Patent US6529 A) 1897 Carl Elsener patented his penknife. The object later became known as the Swiss army knife. 1898 Philippine nationalists declared their independence from Spain. 1900 The Reichstag approved a second law that would allow the expansion of the German navy. 1901 Cuba agreed to become an American protectorate by accepting the Platt Amendment. 1918 The first airplane bombing raid by an American unit occurred on World War I's Western Front in France. 1921 U.S. President Warren Harding urged every young man to attend military training camp. 1923 Harry Houdini, while suspended upside down 40 feet above the ground, escaped from a strait jacket. 1926 Brazil quit the League of Nations in protest over plans to admit Germany. 1935 U.S. Senator Huey Long of Louisiana made the longest speech on Senate record. The speech took 15 1/2 hours and was filled by 150,000 words. 1935 The Chaco War was ended with a truce. Bolivia and Paraguay had been fighting since 1932. 1937 The Soviet Union executed eight army leaders under Joseph Stalin. 1941 In London, the Inter-Allied Declaration was signed. It was the first step towards the establishment of the United Nations. 1944 Chinese Communist leader Mao Tse-tung announced that he would support Nationalist leader Chiang Kai-shek in the war against Japan. 1948 Ben Hogan won his first U.S. Open golf classic. 1963 "Cleopatra" starring Elizabeth Taylor, Rex Harrison, and Richard Burton premiered at the Rivoli Theatre in New York City. 1963 Civil rights leader Medgar Evers was fatally shot in front of his home in Jackson, MS. 1967 State laws which prohibited interracial marriages were ruled unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court. 1975 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was found guilty of corrupt election practices in 1971. 1979 Bryan Allen flew the Gossamer Albatross, man powered, across the English Channel. 1981 Major league baseball players began a 49 day strike. The issue was free-agent compensation. 1981 "Raiders of the Lost Ark" opened in the U.S. 1982 75,000 people rallied against nuclear weapons in New York City's Central Park. Jackson Browne, James Taylor, Bruce Springsteen, and Linda Ronstadt were in attendance. 1985 Wayne "The Great One" Gretsky was named winner of the NHL's Hart Trophy. The award is given to the the league Most Valuable Player. 1985 The U.S. House of Representatives approved $27 million in aid to the Nicaraguan contras. 1986 South Africa declared a national state of emergency. Virtually unlimited power was given to security forces and restrictions were put on news coverage of the unrest. 1987 U.S. President Reagan publicly challenged Mikhail Gorbachev to tear down the Berlin Wall. 1990 The parliament of the Russian Federation formally declared its sovereignty. 1991 Russians went to the election polls and elected Boris N. Yeltsin as the president of their republic. 1992 In a letter to the U.S. Senate, Russian Boris Yeltsin stated that in the early 1950's the Soviet Union had shot down nine U.S. planes and held 12 American survivors. 1996 In Philadelphia a panel of federal judges blocked a law against indecency on the internet. The panel said that the 1996 Communications Decency Act would infringe upon the free speech rights of adults. 1997 The U.S. Treasury Department unveiled a new $50 bill meant to be more counterfeit-resistant. 1998 Compaq Computer paid $9 billion for Digital Equipment Corp. in largest high-tech acquisition. 1999 NATO peacekeeping forces entered the province of Kosovo in Yugoslavia. 2003 In Arkansas, Terry Wallis spoke for the first time in nearly 19 years. Wallis had been in a coma since July 13, 1984, after being injured in a car accident. 2009 In the U.S., The switch from analog TV trasmission to digital was completed. 2017 Do smiled. |
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