Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, June 24 ___________________________________________________ Today, June 24 in 1844 Charles Goodyear was granted U.S. patent #3,633 for vulcanized rubber. _____________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: White Claw Outlaw Collared ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
_____________________________________________________ If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. --- Anatole France (1844 - 1924) _____________________________________________________ At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied, "No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again." _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..." "Yes, son?" the father said expectantly. "Which bus should I take home?" the boy finished. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Matthew Stinson, 36, Lincoln, Nebraska, USA White Claw Outlaw Collared In an attempt to avoid arrest, a Nebraska suspect tossed a can of the popular hard seltzer at cops who sought to collar him for pulling a knife on a hotel employee. According to police, Matthew Stinson, 36, had threatened Sunday afternoon to kill multiple times while in the lobby of the Luxury Inn in Lincoln. Stinson, who was holding a knife, allegedly threatened to murder a clerk at the hotel (where he had been staying). Stinson also made comments about hurting others as he departed the hotel, cops say. By the time Lincoln Police Department officers arrived, Stinson had fled the area. When Stinson was located about six hours later, he became agitated and threw a can of White Claw at police and took off running. The spiked sparkling water, however, missed its targets and Stinson was apprehended after a short foot chase. Pictured above, Stinson was carrying a pocketknife when placed in custody. He was charged with resisting arrest, use of a deadly weapon to commit a felony, and making terroristic threats. Stinson is being held in the Lancaster County jail in lieu of $20,000 bond. Despite the popularity of the declaration that there "Ain't no laws when drinking Claws," multiple law enforcement agencies have pointed out that is not a viable defense for offenses committed while under the influence of the alcoholic seltzer. DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Judi Re: Laser printers Dear Webby Buying a laser printer was one of the best things I ever did. I don't do a lot of printing but I don't have to worry as you said. And I love the way it looks so clear & crisp. The printer I had before it was a nightmare. It had I think 6 cartridges, I was told this was the way to go, yeh right. Every time I went to use it I was told one the cartridges were low & It wouldn't print. Judi Dear Judi I am glad you smartened up. I have to admit that I DO use an ink squirter type printer: A $30 Canon 4 function "printer". I use it strictly just as a scanner. For a $30 scanner it is actually pretty good. Have FUN! DearWebby
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____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________ A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you a half-owner of a profitable corporation, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out!!!" _____________________________________________ As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" An Aussie stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!". ____________________________________________ A man is laying on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son Morris, the surgeon. The father says, "Son, think of it this way ... If anything happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you." | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today June 24 in 1314 Scottish forces led by Robert the Bruce won over Edward II of England at the Battle of Bannockburn in Scotland. 1340 The English fleet defeated the French fleet at Sluys, off the Flemish coast. 1497 Italian explorer John Cabot, sailing in the service of England, landed in North America on what is now Newfoundland. 1509 Henry VIII was crowned King of England. 1664 New Jersey, named after the Isle of Jersey, was founded. 1675 King Philip's War began when Indians massacre colonists at Swansee, Plymouth colony. 1717 The Freemasons were founded in London. 1793 The first republican constitution in France was adopted. 1812 Napoleon crossed the Nieman River and invaded Russia. 1844 Charles Goodyear was granted U.S. patent #3,633 for vulcanized rubber. 1859 At the Battle of Solferino, also known as the Battle of the Three Sovereigns, the French army led by Napoleon III defeated the Austrian army under Franz Joseph I in northern Italy. 1861 Federal gunboats attacked Confederate batteries at Mathias Point, Virginia. 1862 U.S. intervention saved the British and French at the Dagu forts in China. 1869 Mary Ellen "Mammy" Pleasant officially became the Vodoo Queen in San Francisco, CA. 1896 Booker T. Washington became the first African American to receive an honorary MA degree from Howard University. 1910 The Japanese army invaded Korea. 1913 Greece and Serbia annulled their alliance with Bulgaria following border disputes over Macedonia and Thrace. 1931 The Soviet Union and Afghanistan signed a treaty of neutrality. 1940 France signed an armistice with Italy. 1940 TV cameras were used for the first time in a political convention as the Republicans convened in Philadelphia, PA. 1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt pledged all possible support to the Soviet Union. 1947 Kenneth Arnold reported seeing flying saucers over Mt. Rainier, Washington. 1948 The Soviet Union began the Berlin Blockade. 1955 Soviet MIG's down a U.S. Navy patrol plane over the Bering Strait. 1964 The Federal Trade Commission announced that starting in 1965, cigarette manufactures would be required to include warnings on their packaging about the harmful effects of smoking. 1968 "Resurrection City," a shantytown constructed as part of the Poor People's March on Washington D.C., was closed down by authorities. 1970 The U.S. Senate voted overwhelmingly to repeal the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution. 1982 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that no president could be sued for damages connected with actions taken while serving as President of the United States. 1985 Natalia Solzhenitsyn the wife of exiled, Soviet author Alexander Solzhenitsyn, became a U.S. citizen. 1986 The Empire State Building was designated a National Historic Landmark. 1997 The U.S. Air Force released a report titled "The Roswell Report, Case Closed" that dismissed the claims that an alien spacecraft had crashed in Roswell, NM, in 1947. 1998 AT&T Corp. struck a deal to buy cable TV giant Tele- Communications Inc. for $31.7 billion. 2002 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that juries, not judges, must make the decision to give a convicted killer the death penalty. 2002 A painting from Monet's Waterlilies series sold for $20.2 million. 2020 Do smiled. |
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