Good Morning, Do, Today is `Thursday, September 21 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida couple arrested for stealing downed power lines Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, Sept 21 in 1792 The French National Convention voted to abolish the monarchy. That really annoyed and worried England. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge. --- Scott Adams (1957 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man is struck by a bus on a busy New York City street. He lies on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd, but there's no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. "A priest, please," the injured man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a wrinkled and wizened Jewish man of advanced years. "Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for 50 years now I've lived behind St. Mary's Catholic Church on Third Avenue, and every night I've listened to the Catholic rites. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man." The policeman agrees and brings the old man over to where the man lies. The old man kneels down on the sidewalk, leans over the injured victim and intones in a solemn sing-song voice: "Under the B - 4. Under the I - 19. Under the N - 38. Under the G - 54. Under the O - 72. Bingo!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Back in the days when Roman galleys plied the Mediterranean, a crew of oarsmen was sweating and straining to propel the ship through high seas when the first mate appeared. "I've got good news and bad news," he says. "The good news is we've spotted an island, so the plan is to stop, drink rum, hunt a couple of wild boars, have a feast and relax with the native girls." The sailors all cheer in happiness, all but one, who asks, "And what is the bad news?" "Well," the first mate replies, "tomorrow, the captain wants to go water skiing." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Andrea Foster, 45, Charles Mahoy, 41, Altamonte Springs, Florida Florida couple arrested for stealing downed power lines A Florida man and woman were arrested for stealing downed power lines after Hurricane Irma, according to officials. Deputies were called to an Altamonte Springs neighborhood Sept. 16 after a neighbor said two people were cutting downed power lines on his property. Deputies said the power lines were down after a pole snapped in half during Hurricane Irma. The power was out and the neighborhood was dark, deputies said. Deputies found $5,000 worth of power lines cut up in the back of a truck. They questioned Charles Mahoy, 41, and Andrea Foster, 45, and found methamphetamine and marijuana in the truck, deputies said. Mahoy and Foster were arrested on suspicion of larceny during a state of emergency, criminal mischief and drug possession. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Robert Re: Large and small HTML tags Dear Webby, As I was snooping in the source code of your pages to try and learn some tricks, I noticed that you start tags with capital letters and close them with small letters. For example, you start a bold section with and end it with Is that the secret for your pages loading so fast, even though you use a lot of color and graphics? Robert Dear Robert That trick does not affect the speed. A good server takes care of that. That trick is just an old habit from the good old days when web pages were writen by hand with a plain text editor, and chiseled onto stone tablets. With a plain text editor it can and does happen, that you are typing too fast, and miss a bracket, or forget to close a tag. Using Caps for opening and small letters for closing, makes it a bit easier to find mistakes. That's all. Have FUN! DearWebby A guy is bragging to a friend about his new hearing aid. "Yeah, it's a beaut," he says. "Top of the line. Deluxe model. Cost me $4,000 bucks." "What kind is it?" his friend asks politely. "Twelve-thirty." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shelling Walnuts If you want to shell walnuts but keep the nut intact, soak the walnuts in saltwater over night before shelling them. Then gently crack the nuts. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | elderly couple can't figure how to take a picture |
____________________________________________________ An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after an entire semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist." Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute. Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?" __________________________________________________ | | The teenage girl who could overpower grown men. |
___________________________________________________ From Dean: This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years ago that I lost my wife and her mother. I'll never forget that game of cards. | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ From June You really make my day sunnier. thank you. June ____________________________________________________ | Today, Sept 21, in 1792 The French National Convention voted to abolish the monarchy. That really annoyed and worried England. 1784 "The Pennsylvania Packet and Daily Advertiser" was published for the first time in Philadelphia. It was the first daily paper in America. 1893 Frank Duryea took what is believed to be the first gasoline- powered automobile for a test drive. The "horseless carriage" was designed by Frank and Charles Duryea. 1897 The New York Sun ran the "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus" editorial. It was in response to a letter from 8-year-old Virginia O'Hanlon. 1931 Britain went off the gold standard. 1931 Japanese forces began occupying China's northeast territory of Manchuria. 1937 J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit" was first published. 1948 Milton Berle debuted as the host of "The Texaco Star Theater" on NBC-TV. The show later became "The Milton Berle Show." Berle was the regular host until 1967. 1949 Communist leaders proclaimed The People's Republic of China. 1957 "Perry Mason", the television series, made its debut on CBS-TV. The show was on for 9 years. 1961 Antonio Abertondo swam the English Channel (in both directions) in 24 hours and 25 minutes. 1964 Malta gained independence from Britain. 1966 The Soviet probe Zond 5 returned to Earth. The spacecraft completed the first unmanned round-trip flight to the moon. 1973 Henry Kissinger was confirmed by the U.S. Senate to become 56th Secretary of State. He was the first naturalized citizen to hold the office of Secretary of State. 1981 The U.S. Senate confirmed Sandra Day O'Connor to be the first female justice on the U.S. Supreme Court. 1981 Belize gained full independence from Great Britain. 1982 National Football League (NFL) players began a 57-day strike. It was their first regular-season walkout. 1982 Amin Gemayel was elected president of Lebanon. He was the brother of Bashir Gemayel who was the president-elect when he was assassinated. 1984 General Motors and the United Auto Workers union reached an agreement that would end the previous six days of spot strikes. 1985 North and South Korea opened their borders for their family reunion program. 1993 Russian President Boris N. Yeltsin announced that he was ousting the Communist-dominated Congress. The action was effectively seizing all state power. 1996 The board of all-male Virginia Military Institute voted to admit women. 1996 John F. Kennedy Jr. married Carolyn Bessette in a secret ceremony on Cumberland Island, GA. 2017 Do smiled. |
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