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| Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, October 18 ___________________________________________________ History on this day, October 18, in 1961, Henri Matiss' "Le Bateau" went on display at New York's Museum of Modern Art. It was discovered 46 days later that the painting had been hanging upside down. ____________________________________________________ international bonehead award Man arrested for stabbing person to death in Phoenix ____________________________________________________ Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art. --- Charles McCabe "A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents." --- G. C. Lichtenberg ___________________________________________________ Tony and John met for the first time in twenty years. "So, how's life been for you?" Tony asked. "Not too good," John replied. "My first wife died of cancer, my second wife turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another woman and took all our savings, my son's in prison for trying to kill me, my daughter got run over by a bus, my house was hit by a low-flying aircraft, my vintage car rolled off the dockside into the sea, I had to have my dog put down recently, my doctor says that I have an incurable disease and to cap it all my business has just gone bust." "Oh dear, that sounds terrible." Tony said. "What business were you in?" "I sell lucky charms," said John. ____________________________________________________ A group of U.S. soldiers arriving in Macedonia found themselves taking a surprise refresher course on first aid. Following an involved lesson on making splints, dressing wounds and applying tourniquets to stop bleeding, the instructor decided to determine how well the class had grasped the information given. "Jones," he said, pointing to one of the solders, "say your platoon leader sustains a head injury during a cross-country march. What do you do about it?" "That's easy, Sir," said Jones. "I wrap a tourniquet around his neck and tighten it until the bleeding stops." __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock: An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Man arrested for stabbing person to death in Phoenix Dassise LaBamba, 34, Phoenix, Arizona, USA A suspect has been arrested after a man was stabbed to death in a Phoenix neighborhood on Saturday. Police say Dassise LaBamba, 34, stabbed a man in a neighborhood near 36th Street and Thomas at around 2 p.m. on Oct. 15. The victim, identified only as a 36-year-old man, died from his injuries at the hospital. LaBamba was arrested at the scene. He faces a homicide charge. _____________________________________________________ Nancy came home and said to her mother, "I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is - I got 18 out of 20 on my driver's test." Her mother said, "Great! Now what's the bad news?" Nancy said, "They were pedestrians." _____________________________________________________ Steffen Johnsen _________________________________________________ A zoning board had just been set up in a new community. A householder went to the office to request permission to build a small toolshed in his backyard. "Have you got a plan?" asked the director. "Oh, yes," said the householder, who showed him a map of his neighborhood, the dimension of his yard, and a sketch of the shed. "That looks fine," said the director. He pulled out a piece of paper, wrote a few words on it, Xeroxed it, and said, "Here's your permission." A month later, a neighbor in almost exactly the same situation also wanted permission for a shed in her yard. She went to the director, got as far as a secretary, and made her request. "Thank you, Mrs. Smith," said the secretary, taking the documents. "Telephone me in two weeks and I'll let you know what the director's decision is, or what further steps are necessary." "But," groaned Mrs. Smith, "a month ago my neighbor got permission right away." "Oh, yes," said the secretary, "but that was before we finally got organized." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Dhananjaya Abeyrathne _________________________________________________ An auto mechanic received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a 'clunk.' He then made a left turn and again heard a 'clunk.' Back at the shop he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with the notation, "Removed bowling ball from trunk". _________________________________________________ Dearwebby's tech support pits From:Mia Re: Laptop travel kit Dear Webby one time you mentioned a source for all the stuff one needs for a laptop when you travel. Do you still have that info? Thanks, Mia Dear Mia The "Road Warrior Kit" is no longer available. Today's road warrior kits are for cars and motorcycles. However, don't worry! Today's laptops work just fine without a bag of toys. All you will need is the baggie of colorful Velcro strips from the Dollar Store. They will help you tidy up any cables. You could also invest in some light-weight Chihuahua chain, and epoxy one end of it to your laptop charger, and the other end to your carry-on. That will stop thieves, like the ones employed at a certain hotel in Green River, Utah, from stealing your charger. Almost everything else is WiFi nowadays anyway. Whatever "accessories" you carry, don't put them into zippered black vinyl cases, that will make security suspicious. Put them into clear zip-lock baggies. Have Fun! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ During a field exercise at Camp Lejeune, N.C., a squad was on a night patrol through some thick brush. Halfway through, they realized they had lost their map. The patrol navigator informed them, "Our odds are 1 in 360 that we'll eventually get out of here." "How did you come up with that?" someone asked. "Well," he replied, "it's unfortunate that the compass broke when Bob stepped on it, because quite often one of the degrees on the compass is right." ----------- Just remember, moss grows on the north side of lost compasses. ___________________________________________________ Interviewing a woman applicant, a kindly Social Security claims representative wanted to make sure that no tangles would prevent her from getting her full benefits. "Were either you or your husband married before?" he asked. The woman glared indignantly and snapped, "Before what?" _____________________________________________________ ophelia dingbatter's news no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ today, october 18, in 1469, Ferdinand of Aragon married Isabella of Castile. The marriage united all the dominions of Spain. 1685, King Louis XIV of France revoked the Edict of Nantes, which had established the legal toleration of the Protestant population. 1767, The Mason-Dixon line was agreed upon. It was the boundary between Maryland and Pennsylvania. 1842, Samuel Finley Breese Morse laid his first telegraph cable. 1860, British troops burned the Yuanmingyuan at the end of the Second Opium War. 1867, The U.S. took formal possession of Alaska from Russia. The land was purchased for a total of $7 million dollars (2 cents per acre). 1873, The first rules for intercollegiate football were drawn up by representatives from Rutgers, Yale, Columbia and Princeton Universities. 1892, The first long-distance telephone line between Chicago, IL, and New York City, NY, was opened. 1898, The American flag was raised in Puerto Rico only one year after the Caribbean nation won its independence from Spain. 1929, The Judicial Committee of Englands Privy Council ruled that women were to be considered as persons in Canada. 1943, The first broadcast of "Perry Mason" was presented on CBS Radio. The show went to TV in 1957. 1944, Czechoslovakia was invaded by the Soviets during World War II. 1950, Connie Mack announced that he was going to retire after 50 seasons as the manager of the Philadelphia Athletics. 1956, NFL commissioner Bert Bell disallowed the use of radio-equipped helmets by NFL quarterbacks. 1958, The first computer-arranged marriage took place on Art Linkletter's show. 1961, Henri Matiss' "Le Bateau" went on display at New York's Museum of Modern Art. It was discovered 46 days later that the painting had been hanging upside down. 1968, Two black athletes, Tommie Smith and John Carlos, were suspended by the U.S. Olympic Committee for giving a "black power" salute during a ceremony in Mexico City. 1969, The U.S. government banned artificial sweeteners due to evidence that they caused cancer. 1970, Quebec's minister of labor was found strangled to death after eight days of being held captive by the Quebec Liberation Front (FLQ). 1983, General Motors agreed to hire more women and minorities for five years as part of a settlement with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. 1985, South African authorities hanged black activist Benjamin Moloise. Moloise had been convicted of murdering a police officer. 1989, Egon Krenz became the leader of East Germany after Erich Honecker was ousted. Honeker had been in power for 18 years. 1989, The space shuttle Atlantis was launched on a mission that included the deployment of the Galileo space probe. 1990, Iraq made an offer to the world that it would sell oil for $21 a barrel. The price level was the same as it had been before the invasion of Kuwait. 1997, A monument honoring U.S. servicewomen, past and present, was dedicated at Arlington National Cemetery. 2006, Microsoft released Internet Explorer 7.0. 2013, Saudi Arabia became the first nation to reject a seat on the United Nations Security Council. Jordan took the seat on December 6. 2022 Do! smiled. |
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