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| Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, September 2 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Thank you, Micki! ___________________________________________________ History on this day, September 2, in 1945. Japan surrendered to the U.S. aboard the USS Missouri, ending World War II. The war ended six years and one day after it began. ____________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Man Tells Boca Raton Police To Both Suck And Eat His Body Part. Austin Smith Also Tells Officer That Hell Kill His Entire Family. Smith is Now Jailed. ____________________________________________________ It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. --- William G. McAdoo (1863 - 1941) The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do. --- B. F. Skinner (1904 - 1990) ____________________________________________________ Just left Walmart where a lady with a basket full of TP asked me what kind of dog I had. I said a service dog. Very rudely she yells what type of service? I said he is a BLD. What's a BLD? She asked as she is allowing my dog to lick her face. With a straight face I said "He is my butt licking dog ( BLD ). I can't find any toilet paper anywhere because of people like you hoarding the TP so he licks my ass clean. The cashier lost it and ran away from the register. ____________________________________________________ A loaded minivan pulls into the only remaining campsite. Four children leap from the vehicle and begin feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rush to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marvels to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork." "I have a system," says the father. "No one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up." __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Austin Smith, 22, Boca Raton, Florida, USA Man Tells Boca Raton Police To Both Suck And Eat His Body Part. Austin Smith Also Tells Officer That Hell Kill His Entire Family. Smith Now Jailed. A Boca Raton man told several Boca Raton Police Officers to both suck and eat a certain body part moments before he was arrested on Monday. The eating and sucking were not to be simultaneous. One Officer was allegedly invited to suck, while another was invited to eat. Austin Smith, 22, of the 1100 block of West Camino Real was later jailed. The incident started as a domestic dispute when Smith allegedly held a knife to his throat after smashing a bottle of alcohol in his home and attempting to strangle an acquaintance. The following is a selection from the lengthy arrest report filed by Boca Raton Police, and reviewed by BocaNewsNow.com. I observed a light skinned male, later identified by his Florida drivers license as W/M Austin Smith, with a Florida/gun tattoo on his stomach standing in the front driveway. After walking towards Smith on the sidewalk, Smith began to shout What the fk yall niggas calling me for?! Ofc. De La Rua replied and said Because somebody called us. Smith then began to walk toward us in an angry manner and pointed at me and said Fk you, then pointed at Ofc. De La Rua and said Suck my d-ck and then pointed at Ofc. Price and said Eat my d-ck. Smith continued to walk toward Ofc. Price within five feet in an angry manner, at which point I drew my department-issued taser and placed the red dot on Smiths stomach area. Smith began to walk backward. Due to Smith being hostile towards law enforcement, Ofc. Price attempted to grab Smith, but Smith kept walking backward. Ofc. Price was able to grab Smiths left wrist, but Smith was still hostile, resisting, and walked up to the front porch of the home. I continued to place my taser on Smiths stomach area and Ofc. De La Rua was able to grab Smiths right wrist. Smith continued to resist and yell, at which point I holstered my taser and assisted Ofc. Price in grabbing Smiths left wrist, while he pulled his handcuffs out to place on Smith. It should be noted after getting close to smith, I was able to smell an odor of an unknown alcoholic beverage emanating from Smith. Smith then looked at me and said You a bitch ass police nigga. After Ofc. Price was able to secure Smith in handcuffs, Smith threatened me and said Nigga I will kill you and your whole f-ing family and youll be dead. Ofc. Price then was able to hold Smith by his left arm and attempted to assist Smith with sitting in the chair that was on the front porch. Smith refused to sit down and continued to be hostile with officers. Ofc. Price then grabbed Smith and had to forcefully place Smith in the chair. In doing so, Smith was still resisting and I went to assist Ofc. Price with holding Smith so that he would not continue to resist. Smith then kicked me multiple times in my legs. A struggle then ensued between Smith, Ofc. Price, Ofc. De La Rua and I so that Smith would not continue to batter me. At this time, I stated loudly to Smith that he was under arrest. Ofc. Price, Ofc. De La Rua and I then forced Smith to the ground so that he would not continue to fight officers. Austin Smith was charged with battery by strangulation, battery on an officer, resisting an officer with violence, and threatening public servant or family. He was booked into the Palm Beach County Jail Monday morning at 6:07 a.m. and remains held on $9,000 bond. _____________________________________________________ Darryl Machum Baby Mule Deer _____________________________________________________ A man appears at a woman's front door and announces, "Madam, I'm the piano tuner." "I didn't send for a tuner," the piano-playing woman replies. "I know, lady," the man says. "Your neighbor did." _____________________________________________________ A man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee. The waitress, who is very busy, gives him his coffee and rushes off to help the numerous customers having lunch at the diner. The man, who uses both creamer and sugar in his coffee, notices that the container is empty. As the waitress rushes by, he asks her to bring him cream and sugar for his coffee. The waitress, busier than she can ever remember being before, rushes to the back to pick up more orders. As she passes the cabinet where the extra sugar and cream are kept, she sets a plate down and puts sugar cubes and creamer packets in her bosom because both her hands are full. After she has served the two plates she was holding, she returns to the man and asks him, "How many sugar cubes did you want in your coffee?" The man says, "Two would be fine." She reaches into her bra, pulls out two sugar cubes and drops them into his cup. "And cream?" She asks. The man looks at her, squarely in the eye and says, "I don't think so!" ------------- Fuddy-Duddy! _____________________________________________________ Darryl Machum Mule Deer ___________________________________________________ Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I'd like to CANCEL the policy on my husband." _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Ginger RE: Laptop Keyboard cleaning Dear Webby, Good tips today for separate keyboards but what about keyboards that are part of a laptop. I really would not be comfortable with "Whack it upside down onto some paper on the sidewalk" or "take it with you into the shower" How about some tips for those of us with laptops? Ginger Dear Ginger I have taken laptops through deserts and up mountains for about 25 years, but had made strict rules to never pour yoghurt or Irish stew onto the keys. The most I ever did was vacuum the laptops, or sponge them with a wet sponge or micro-fiber cloth while holding it upside down. I agree that I would rather take you with me into the shower than a laptop.. Laptop keyboards usually come off easily, once you lift the bezel or frame around them. Once they are removed and unplugged, they are easy to clean or replace. I have replaced a few for other people, and it was easy. HaveFUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ "Johnny," said his teacher, "if coal is selling at $6 a ton and you pay your dealer $24, how many tons will he bring you?" "A little over three tons, ma'am," said Johnny. "Why, Johnny, that isn't right," said the teacher. "No, ma'am, I know it isn't," said Johnny, "but they all do it." _____________________________________________________ Although he was a qualified meteorologist, a local broadcaster ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. In the blank he wrote quite honestly, "The climate didn't agree with me." _____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! ____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, September 2, in 31 B.C.. The Roman leader Octavian defeated the alliance of Mark Antony and Cleopatra. Octavian, as Augustus Caesar, became the first Roman emperor. 1666. The Great Fire of London broke out. The fire burned for three days destroying 10,000 buildings including St. Paul's Cathedral. Only 6 people were killed. 1775. Hannah, the first American war ship was commissioned by General George Washington. 1789. The U.S. Treasury Department was established. 1864. During the U.S. Civil War Union forces led by Gen. William T. Sherman occupied Atlanta following the retreat of the Confederates. 1897. The first issue of "McCalls" magazine was published. The magazine had been known previously as "Queens Magazine" and "Queen of Fashion." 1901. Theodore Roosevelt, then Vice President, said "Speak softly and carry a big stick" in a speech at the Minnesota State Fair. 1930. The "Question Mark" made the first non-stop flight from Europe to the U.S. The plane was flown by Captain Dieudonne Coste and Maurice Bellonte. 1938. The first railroad car to be equipped with fluorescent lighting was put into operation on the New York Central railroad. 1945. Japan surrendered to the U.S. aboard the USS Missouri, ending World War II. The war ended six years and one day after it began. 1945. Ho Chi Minh declared the independence of the Democratic Republic of Vietnam. 1961. The U.S.S.R. resumed nuclear weapons testing. Test ban treaty negotiations had failed with the U.S. and Britain when the three nations could not agree upon the nature and frequency of on-site inspections. 1963. The integration of Tuskegee High School was prevented by state troopers assigned by Alabama Gov. George Wallace. Wallace had the building surrounded by state troopers. 1985. It was announced that the Titanic had been found on September 1 by a U.S. and French expedition 560 miles off Newfoundland. The luxury liner had been missing for 73 years. 1991. The U.S. formally recognized the independence of Lithuania, Lativa and Estonia. 1992. The U.S. and Russia agreed to a joint venture to build a space station. 1996. Muslim rebels and the Philippine government signed a pact formally ending 26-years of insurgency that had killed more than 120,000 people. 1998. In Canada, pilots for Canada's largest airline launch their first strike in Air Canada's history. 2022 Do! smiled. |
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