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| Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, September 1, 2022 ___________________________________________________ History on this day, September 1, in 1939, World War II began when England objected to Germany invading half of Poland. They did not object to Russia invading the other half. ____________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Man convicted of attempted murder, arson ____________________________________________________ Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something. --- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988) ____________________________________________________ A father, mother and child went out to spend time on the beach on a hot summer's day, but as soon as they reached the beach they discovered that there was a black flag there, a sign not to enter the water. The boy really wanted to get in the water, but his mother did not agree and they stayed on the beach to rest in the sun and play in the sand. After a few minutes, the father got bored and turned to his wife: "Keep an eye on the boy, I'm going into the water, there's no way the sea is really that dangerous." After a few minutes the boy asked "Mom, why did you let dad get in the water and not me?" "Because you and father are two different people and there are things he can do and you can't." answered the mother. "Is it because dad knows how to swim really well?" continued the boy. "Not really" answered the mother. "Is it because dad is big and strong?" "No." "Then why is daddy allowed to enter the water and I'm not?" the boy complained. "Because daddy has life insurance." __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Matthew Carlisle, 31, Marietta, Georgia, USA Woman assaulted while taking shower at popular gym Peeping Tom arrested after assaulting woman in gym shower. Warrants show 31-year-old Matthew Carlisle, went into the LA Fitness a little before closing time August 25. According to the warrant, he went into the women's locker room, and once there saw a woman taking a shower, stepped into the shower with her and "grabbed her breast while pushing her into the wall". The manager told FOX 5 Carlisle got into the gym with a guest pass. The manager says while they haven't made any security changes since the incident, she says they make sure everyone who comes in is checked in. She says they do all they can to keep their members safe. Carlise was arrested and charged with a felony count of peeping tom, disorderly conduct and sexual battery. _____________________________________________________ Andrei Nikulinsky Fringe Lily __________________________________________________ The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that's your pa." _____________________________________________________ A young camper at summer camp asked the chaplain if "hard on" was hyphenated. The chaplain replies, "What in heaven's name are you writing home about!" The young boy says, "I'm telling Mum and Dad about the project we worked so 'hard on'." _____________________________________________________ Tanya Wierenga Probably the chillest squirrel Ive ever seen, just casually leaning on a branch Red Deer, AB, 30/8/2022 ___________________________________________________ According to "Men's Health" magazine, 71% of men feel their dog understands them at some telepathic level. That's because men and dogs have the same interests ~~> eat, sleep, play ball, and hump. _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Lilly RE: Keyboard cleaning Dear Webby, My daughter got my keyboard really yucky. What is the best way to clean it, short of pulling the keys off and tossing them into the washing machine? Lilly Thank you. Helen Dear Lilly Modern keyboards are not hurt by water. Whack it upside down onto some paper on the sidewalk, then vacuum it thoroughly, and whack it again. After that, just take it with you into the shower, sponge it until it looks clean, rinse it, and let it drip dry upside down on the drying rack at your sink. That is all there is to it. HaveFUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ A couple is in a Lamaze class, and during one session the husband is given a bag of sand to wear around his middle to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. After cinching it around his waist, he stands up and says, "This doesn't feel so bad." In response, the instructor drops a pen and asks the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asks. "Exactly," the instructor says. The man turns to his wife and says, "Honey, pick up that pen for me." _____________________________________________________ A passenger jet is taxiing down the runway when it stops abruptly, turns around and returns to the gate. After an hour-long wait, the plane finally pulls out again, rolls down the runway and takes off. A concerned passenger asks the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," the attendant explains, "and it took us a while to find a deaf pilot." _____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! ____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, September 1, in 1799, The Bank of Manhattan Company opened in New York City, NY. It was the forerunner of Chase Manhattan. 1807, Former U.S. Vice President Aaron Burr was found innocent of treason. 1810, The first plow with interchangeable parts was patented by John J. Wood. 1859, The Pullman sleeping car was placed into service. 1878, Emma M. Nutt became the first female telephone operator in the U.S. The company was the Telephone Dispatch Company of Boston. 1887, Emile Berliner filed for a patent for his invention of the lateral-cut, flat-disk gramophone. It is a device that is better known as a record player. Thomas Edison made the idea work. 1897, The first section of Boston's subway system was opened. 1905, Saskatchewan and Alberta became the ninth and tenth provinces of Canada. 1922, The first daily news program on radio was "The Radio Digest," on WBAY radio in New York City, NY. 1939, World War II began when England objected to Germany invading half of Poland. They did not object to Russia invading the other half. 1942, A federal judge in Sacramento, CA, upheld the wartime detention of Japanese-Americans as well as Japanese nationals. 1945, The U.S. received official word of Japan's formal surrender that ended World War II. In Japan, it was actually September 2nd. 1951, The ANZUS Treaty, a mutual defense pact, was signed by the U.S., Australia and New Zealand. 1952, The Ernest Hemingway novel "The Old Man and the Sea" was published. 1969, Col. Moammar Gadhafi came into power in Libya after the government was overthrown. 1979, The U.S. Pioneer 11 became the first spacecraft to visit Saturn. 1982, Mexican President Jose Lopez Portillo closed all the country's private banks. 1985, The Titanic was found by Dr. Robert Ballard and Jean Louis Michel in a joint U.S. and French expedition. The wreck site is located 963 miles northeast of New York and 453 miles southeast of the Newfoundland coast. 1986, Jerry Lewis raised a record $34 million for Muscular Dystrophy during his annual telethon for Jerrys kids over the Labor Day weekend. 1997, In France, the prosecutor's office announced that the driver of the car, in which Britain's Princess Diana was killed, was over the legal alcohol limit. 1998, The movie "Titanic" went on sale across North America. 1998, J.K. Rowling's book "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" was released in the U.S. This was the first book in the Harry Potter series. 1998, Vietnam released 5,000 prisoners, including political dissidents, on National Day. 2022 Do! smiled. |
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