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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, December 9, in 1993, Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavor completed repairs to the Hubble Space Telescope. ____________________________________________________ Bonehed Award: Scottsdale Police officers, pedestrians hit by Old Town driver during traffic stop _____________________________________________________ Q 1. Never tell everything at once. --- Ken Venturi The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none. --- Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881) Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical. --- Yogi Berra (1925 - ) ____________________________________________________ Sometimes... when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes... when you are in pain, no one sees your hurt. Sometimes... when you are worried, no one sees your stress. Sometimes... when you are happy, no one sees your smile. But fart just ONE TIME! __________________________________________________ Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was having trouble reading the newspaper. "Now that you're over 40," the doctor told him, "you've developed a condition called 'presbyopia,' in which the lens of your eye can no longer focus as well as it used to." Seeing his worried look, the doctor tried to be upbeat. "Congratulations!" he said. "You're now officially a presbyope!" Doug leaned over and asked seriously, "If that means I'm no longer a Roman Catholic, do I still have to go to Confession?" __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock: An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Nelious E. Horsley III, 29, SCOTTSDALE, Arizona, USA Scottsdale Police officers, pedestrians hit by Old Town driver during traffic stop A wrong-way driver in Old Town Scottsdale injured officers and pedestrians during a traffic stop in front of a nightclub Saturday evening, the police department said. At around 10:45 p.m. on Dec. 3, a driver, identified as 29-year-old Nelious E. Horsley III, was headed the wrong way on Saddlebag Trail. Horsley stopped for two officers, but the passenger tried to leave the car. Officers told the passenger to stay in the car, but they reportedly became argumentative. Additional help was requested, and two more officers showed up. "One of the officers ordered the driver to shut off the vehicle and remove the keys. The driver refused despite multiple orders from our officers. One of our officers opened the door to extract the driver to make the vehicle safe. The driver resisted and during the struggle was able to put the vehicle into "drive" and accelerated from the stop. The officer attempting to control the driver injured his hand in the door jamb when the vehicle took off," Scottsdale Police said. The other officers were also hit as the car took off. They're going to be OK. As Horsley continued, two pedestrians were hit but weren't hurt. Police say Horsley was arrested not long after because they still had his ID and was able to find him at home. He's accused of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, aggravated assault on a police officer, endangerment and felony flight. "Current case law does allow police officers to verbally and, if needed, physically control occupants of vehicles on traffic stops," Scottsdale Police clarifies. "He was not charged with hit-and-run because the pedestrians did not wish to aid in prosecution," police said, adding, "Scottsdale Police are not looking for the passenger involved in the original incident." ___________________________________________________ dannykhoo_photo Taiwan Blue Magpie ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Rose for this one: While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady. A few minutes later, he couldn't control himself and had to let loose a big noisy fart. Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her "Do you by any chance have todays paper?" The lady looked at him and said "No, but the next time we pass by a tree I'll grab you a handful of leaves." ___________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ How can you easily determine how much dirt there is in an oblong hole three feet deep at one end and two feet deep at the other end, and four feet wide at one end and two feet wide at the other end? There is no dirt in the hole _______________________________________________ A van carrying a dozen movie stuntmen on the way to a film location in the mountains spun out of control on the icy road, crashed through a guard-rail, rolled down a 900-foot embankment, turned over, and burst into flames. There were no injuries and nobody got sued. __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Now it all makes sense. And on the 8th day God said, "OK Murphy, you take over." ________________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Donna Re: Kerosine lamps Dear Webby You used to live in the bush and will probably remember. What is the name of the kerosine lamps that use a white "sock" that gives off as much light as a 60 Watt lightbulb? Donna Dear Donna They are called Aladdin lamps and they are still available. However, since batteries and LED lights and solar panels have become fairly affordable, Aladdin lamps have gone out of fashion. The delicate "mantles", that you call socks, were a royal nuissance. Consider getting a propane light. You can get them right on top of a 20 pound propane bottle, where it will last for years. They too use a mantle, but if you don't touch it, it won't break. A propane light, with mantle, is strong enough to light up a couple of solar panels and charge your batteries on cloudy days. I have done that. Kept my home-made 12 Volt freezer frozen and electric lights in the cabin, AND the big radio phone, that I needed for the mine to call me when I was on dtand-by. An Aladdin lamp is very expensive now. I remember when they were around $25. Now hang a zero to the end of that. That makes a propane lamp and bottle a very good alterntive. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ The girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What is it, child?" "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am." The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake." _____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, December 9 in 1625, The Treaty of the Hague was signed by England and the Netherlands. The agreement was to subsidize Christian IV of Denmark in his campaign against Germany. 1783, The first executions at Newgate Prison took place. 1793, "The American Minerva" was published for the first time. It was the first daily newspaper in New York City and was founded by Noah Webster. 1803, The 12th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by the U.S. Congress. With the amendment Electors were directed to vote for a President and for a Vice- President rather than for two choices for President. 1854, Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem, "The Charge of the Light Brigade," was published in England. 1879, Thomas Edison organized the Edison Ore Milling Company. 1884, Levant M. Richardson received a patent for the ball-bearing roller skate. 1892, In London, "Widowers' Houses," George Bernard Shaw's first play, opened at the Royalty Theater. 1907, Christmas Seals went on sale for the first time, in the Wilmington, DE, post office. 1926, The United States Golf Association legalized the use of steel-shafted golf clubs. 1914, The Edison Phonograph Works was destroyed by fire. 1917, Turkish troops surrendered Jerusalem to British troops led by Viscount Allenby. 1940, During World War II, British troops opened their first major offensive in North Africa. 1940, The Longines Watch Company signed for the first FM radio advertising contract with experimental station W2XOR in New York City. 1941, China declared war on Japan, Germany and Italy. 1942, The Aram Khachaturian ballet "Gayane" was first performed by the Kirov Ballet. 1955, Sugar Ray Robinson knocked out Carl Olson and regained his world middleweight boxing title. 1958, In Indianapolis, IN, Robert H.W. Welch Jr. and 11 other men met to form the anti-Communist John Birch Society. 1960, Sperry Rand Corporation unveiled a new computer known as "Univac 1107." 1960, The first episode of "Coronation Street" was screened on ITV. 1962, "Lawrence of Arabia" by David Lean had its world premiere in London. 1965, Nikolai V. Podgorny replaced Anastas I. Mikoyan as president of the Presidium of the Supreme Soviet. 1975, U.S. President Gerald R. Ford signed a $2.3 billion seasonal loan authorization to prevent New York City from having to default. 1978, The first game of the Women's Pro Basketball League (WBL) was played between the Chicago Hustle and the Milwaukee Does. 1983, NATO foreign ministers called on the Soviet Union to join in a "comprehensive political dialogue" to ease tensions in the world. 1985, In Argentina, five former military junta members received sentences in prison for their roles in the "dirty war" in which nearly 9,000 people had "disappeared." 1987, West Bank Palestinians launched an intifada (uprising) against Israeli occupation. 1987, In the Gaza Strip, an Israeli patrol attacked the Jabliya refugee camp. 1990, Lech Walesa won Poland's first direct presidential election in the country's history. 1990, Slobodan Milosovic was elected president in Serbia's first free elections in 50 years. 1990, The first American hostages to be released by Iran began arriving in the U.S. 1991, European Community leaders agreed to begin using a single currency in 1999. 1992, Britain's Prince Charles and Princess Diana announced their separation. 1992, Clair George, former CIA spy chief, was convicted of lying to the U.S. Congress about the Iran-Contra affair. U.S. President George H.W. Bush later pardoned George. 1992, U.S. troops arrived in Mogadishu, Somalia, to oversee delivery of international food aid, in operation 'Restore Hope'. 1993, The U.S. Air Force destroyed the first of 500 Minuteman II missile silos that were marked for elimination under an arms control treaty. 1993, Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavor completed repairs to the Hubble Space Telescope. 1993, At Princeton University in New Jersey, scientists produced a controlled fusion reaction equivalent to 3 million watts. 1994, Representatives of the Irish Republican Army and the British government opened peace talks in Northern Ireland. 1996, UN Secretary General Boutros-Ghali approved a deal allowing Iraq to resume its exports of oil and easing the UN trade embargo imposed on Iraq in 1990. 1999, The U.S. announced that it was expelling a Russian diplomat that had been caught gathering information with an eavesdropping device at the U.S. State Department. 2002, United Airlines filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy after losing $4 billion in the previous two years. It was the sixth largest bankruptcy filing. 2003, In Australia, thieves broke into a home and stole two 300-year-old etchings by Rembrandt. The 4-by-4-inch etchings, a self-portait and a depiction of the artist's mother, were valued around $518,000. 2013, AMR Corporation and US Airways Group completed a merger and was listed on the NASDAQ as American Airlines Group, Inc. 2022 Do smiled.
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