Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, November 16 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Drunk arrested after he fled ignition interlock and police Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, November 16 in 1776 British troops captured Fort Washington during the American Revolution. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ It's hard to detect good luck it looks so much like something you've earned. --- Fred A. Clark A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores. --- Terry Pratchett ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ I was inspecting communications facilities in Alaska. Since I had little experience in flying in small planes, I was nervous when we approached a landing strip in a snow covered area. The pilot descended to just a dozen feet, then gunned both engines, climbed, and circled back. While my heart pounded, the passenger beside me seemed calm. "I wonder why he didn't land," I said. "He was checking to see if the landing strip was plowed," the man said. As we made a second approach, I glanced out the window. "It looks plowed to me," I commented. "No," my seat mate said. "It hasn't been cleared for some time." "How can you tell?" I asked. "Because," the man informed me, "I'm the guy who drives the plow, and I have been in Hawaii for two weeks." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for this story: Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friend's house. Knowing his sweet tooth, Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake." "No, but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without asking." _____________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Chris for this report: I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right hereee, strip to the waist, thennn slip on this gown. Everything clearrrr? I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science." Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?' Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity, when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off! "Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the door. "Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be rightttt backkk." Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass! After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks." "You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store. Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?" And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Mustapha Mboob, 27, Manchester, Connecticut Drunk arrested after he fled ignition interlock and police After driving off from a CVS with a car alarm blaring, a Manchester man fled from police in a vehicle and on foot, before ultimately hiding in his bed and telling officers he was just sleeping, police said. Mustapha Mboob, 27, of 108 Broad St., was arrested and charged on Nov. 7 with operating under the influence, interfering with police, failure to obey a stop sign and failure to obey an officer's signal. According to a police report, at about 9:20 p.m. an officer stopped at the intersection of West Middle Turnpike and Broad Street heard a car alarm going off, followed by the sound of a car traveling off at a high rate of speed. The officer believed the car driving off, a gold sedan, had just been stolen from the CVS parking lot. The sedan, later determined to be driven by Mboob, drove through an intersection and ran a stop sign. When the officer attempted to stop the vehicle Mboob turned into his Broad Street home driveway, drove onto the grass and hit a wooden fence, according to the police report. When the officer got to the car, the occupants were no longer inside it. He noticed three men standing on the home's front steps and one, Mboob, seemed frightened or nervous when the officer approached, the police report said. The officer asked Mboob to get on the ground and show his hands but instead Mboob pushed the two men to the side and ran into the home. The officer followed and ultimately found Mboob under the covers and in bed, the police report said. Mboob put his hands in the air and said he was just sleeping. A man inside the home, who was not identified, told police he believed Mboob ran from police because he was drunk. The man also told officers that Mboob had an ignition interlock device installed in his gold sedan and that if he failed to provide a breath sample the cars alarm would go off and the vehicle would shut down after a short time, according to the police report. Mboob failed all field sobriety tests. He refused to take a breath test, police said. Mboob was released after posting $500 bail and is scheduled to appear in Superior Court in Manchester on Nov. 21. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: ISP incompetence Dear Webby, This time I don't need help. I thought that my recent experience might be of interest to your subscribers. Over the course of four days, I received over a hundred notices from "mail daemon", indicating that my email was undeliverable. The "recipients" were unknown to me and I hadn't sent any emails over those four days. Yesterday afternoon I was unable to retrieve my mail from the server although I could see numerous emails on my ISP's site and my internet access was not affected. I phoned the ISP and spent an hour and a half with the tech who wanted me to change various items in my email program. I refused, telling her that the problem was on their end. She finally transferred me to a manager who quickly determined that my account had been frozen because of all the spam they thought I had been sending. I changed my pass word and he unlocked my account. It all works now. The moral of the story: if you receive a number of unknown emails, change your pass word immediately and avoid the hassle of having to argue with a front-line tech at your ISP. All the best. Bill Dear Bill Obviously your ISP got compromised, the addresses got harvested, and sent to spammers and botnets. Those then forged your sender address into their spam. The nitwit just made you change your password to make you think the fault was yours. It is NOT. Hackers don`t bother with individual addresses, they harvest ALL the addresses at unprotected ISPs. Changing your password is idiotic. The spam with your address forged in is coming from a botnet, after a hacker harvested your ISP probably some months ago. Especially if you are stuck witrh an ISP like that, it is important to have Mailwasher. Then you can make filters to instantly dump bounces like the ones they are whining about, which are due to forged sender addresses. With MailWasher there will NEVER be an accumulation of spam, which clueless nitwits can try to blame on you. If you don`t have Post-it-notes or Sticky-Notes or something similar on your machine, and send emails to yourself instead,- Yes, many people do!-, then you can still filter all others, that are pretending to be from you. Just start putting a ~ or some goofy character that you create with ALT keys, into the subject line. Then make a filter to take any mail, that is pretending to be from you but not having your goofy character in the subject line, and dump it, immediately, without even showing it in the list, no bounce, no delete confirmation request, just dump it straight to hell. The same with bounces. Dump them, unseen. You don`t need them. There is even a spam type that uses your address for sender and recipient, to make you think it is a memo you sent to yourself, because you couldn`t find the icon for the sticky notes. You see in the Mailwasher stats on the pie chart which of your filters killed the most spam. Have FUN! DearWebby Thanks to Ross for this story: A Jewish woman's husband dies. He only had $30,000 to his name. After everything was done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that there is none of the $30,000 left. The friend asked, "How can that be?" The widow replied, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,500. And of course I made a donation to the shul ..that was $500, and I spent another $500 for food and drinks for the people when I was sitting shiva. The rest went for the memorial stone." Her friend said, "$22,500 for the memorial stone? My, how big is it?" The widow said, "Three carats." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Waiting in a long, slow-moving line for security clearance at the Edmonton International Airport in Canada, I was annoyed to hear a loud male voice behind me. "Excuse me, excuse me," said the man as he pushed his way to the front. "I want to make sure I get a good seat." I resolved not to let this line-jumper get ahead of me. When I felt a tap on my shoulder, I whirled around, prepared to give the man a tongue-lashing and or a poke in the snoot -- but found myself face to face with a smiling pilot. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Puncture Your Steak When cooking a steak, use tongs or a spatula to turn the meat rather than a fork. It you puncture the meat it will let the juices out. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A Kiwi was hoping to immigrate to Australia. Upon arriving in Australia, he was questioned by a customs officer, "What is your business in Australia?" "I wish to immigrate," was the Kiwi's reply. The customs officer then asked, "Do you have a conviction record?" Confused, the Kiwi then replied, "I didn't know you still needed one!" __________________________________________________ | | For as Much as We Know About the World, There Are Still Dark Spots on the Map |
There was a university in New England where the students operated a "bank" of term papers and other homework assignments. There were papers to suit all needs. Since it would look odd if an undistinguished student suddenly handed in a brilliant essay, there were papers for an A grade, B grade, and C grade. One student, who had spent the weekend on more "extra-curricular pursuits," went to the bank, and as his course was a standard one he took out a paper for a inconspicuous C. He then retyped it and handed the work in. In due course he received it back with the professor's comments. "I wrote this paper myself twenty years ago. I always thought it was worth an A, and now I'm pleased to give it one!" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Dear Webby, I used to wonder where you find all the beautiful pictures every day, but then I realized, since you find them for us, I don`t really care where they come from, as long as they are in my Humor Letter every day. Keep up the good work! Marina ____________________________________________________ | Today, November 16, in 1776 British troops captured Fort Washington during the American Revolution. 1885 Canadian rebel Louis Riel was executed for high treason. 1915 Coca-Cola had its prototype for a countoured bottle patented. The bottle made its commercial debut the next year. 1933 The United States and the Soviet Union established diplomatic relations for the first time. 1952 In the Peanuts comic strip, Lucy first held a football for Charlie Brown. 1966 Dr. Samuel H. Sheppard was acquitted in his second trial of charges he had murdered his pregnant wife, Marilyn, in 1954. 1969 The U.S. Army announced that several had been charged with massacre and the subsequent cover-up in the My Lai massacre in Vietnam on March 16, 1968. 1973 Skylab 3 carrying a crew of three astronauts, was launched from Cape Canaveral, FL, on an 84-day mission. 1973 U.S. President Nixon signed the Alaska Pipeline measure into law. That pipeline is still working fine. 1981 A vaccine for hepatitis B was approved. The vaccine had been developed at Merck Institute for Therapeutic Research. 1985 Colonel Oliver North was put in charge of the shipment of HAWK anti-aircraft missiles to Iran. 1988 Estonia's parliament declared that the Baltic republic was "sovereign," but stopped short of complete independence. 1994 Major League Soccer announced that it would start its inaugural season in 1996. 1997 China released Wei Jingsheng, a pro-democracy dissident from jail for medical reasons. He had been incarcerated for almost 18 years. 1998 In Burlington, WIsconsin, five high school students, aged 15 to 16, were arrested in an alleged plot to kill a carefully selected group of teachers and students. 1998 It was announced that Monica Lewinsky had signed a deal for the North American rights to a book about her affair with U.S. President Clinton. 1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that union members could file discrimination lawsuits against employers even when labor contracts require arbitration. 1999 Chrica Adams, the pregnant girlfriend of Rae Carruth, was shot four times in her car. She died a month later from her wounds. The baby survived. Carruth was sentenced to a minimum of 18 years and 11 months in prison for his role in the murder. 2000 Bill Clinton became the first serving U.S. president to visit Communist Vietnam. 2001 The movie "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" opened in the U.S. and U.K. 2004 A NASA unmanned "scramjet" (X-43A) reached a speed of nearly 10 times the speed of sound above the Pacific Ocean. 2017 Do smiled. |
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