Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, November 21 Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award: Elderly Florida woman takes meth to her doctor for testing ______________________________________________________ Today, November 21 in 2000 The Florida Supreme Court granted Al Gore's request to keep the presidential recounts going until he had enough votes. He lost anyway. His revenge was inventing Gullible Warming. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. --- Herm Albright (1876 - 1944) ______________________________________________________ There's no doubt that we need all the doctors we can get. If we didn't have them, what would happen to all the old magazines? ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Liz My husband thinks I'm too nosy. At least that's what he keeps scribbling in his diary. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ After turning eighty, Marie found that shopping for Christ- mas gifts had become too difficult, so she decided to send checks to everyone instead. She wrote, "Buy your own present" on each card and mailed them early. Marie enjoyed the usual flurry of family festivities. Only after Christmas did she find the gift checks on her desk, which she had forgotten to enclose. ______________________________________________________ Scales Lie! _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lisa Marszalek, 47, New Cumberland, Pennsylvania PA teacher charged with dealing drugs State prosecutors say they seized cocaine, methamphetamine, and hundreds of prescription pills from a teacher in the West Shore School District hours before she was to chaperone a student field trip. Lisa Marszalek, a science teacher at New Cumberland Middle School, is charged with two felony counts of possession with intent to deliver and a misdemeanor count of possession of drug paraphernalia. Attorney General Josh Shapiro said agents began investigating Marszalek earlier this month and made undercover buys of cocaine and Adderall at her home in New Cumberland. Shapiro said during those drug buys, it was learned that Marszalek was taking several students on an overnight field trip in the coming days. He said agents searched her home Tuesday to intervene so Marszalek would not be able to chaperone the trip. The agents seized about 250 prescription Adderall pills, one ounce of cocaine, and seven grams of methamphetamine. They said the drugs have a street value of more than $7,000. Marszalek, 47, was released after posting a bond on $50,000 bail. A preliminary hearing for her is scheduled for Nov. 21. A school district spokeswoman said Marszalek was immediately placed on paid administrative leave. Richie Re: Make computer fast again- Hoax? Dear Webby have you seen the ads that say: Tired Of Your Slow Computer? Make It FAST Again With Xtra-PC! Richie Dear Richie If you are ready to learn Linux, go for it. Linux is a good system. 99.99% of web servers use it. However, it is not the same as Windows. It is actually a lot closer to DOS. Unless you have a Penguin (Linux user) close by to help you and teach you, you will go back to Windows pretty soon. That Xtra-PC is just "Linux on a stick". Some of your programs may be available in a Linux version. Office Libre is, but Microsoft Office is not. Check each and every one of the programs you use to see if they have a Linux version. There IS a program called WINE, that lets you run some Windows programs in a shell on Linux, slowly. If you are ready for Linux, "Linux on a stick" does work, and has been around since the 90's. However, don't expect me to teach you Linux. You need to find a Penguin in YOUR neighborhood. Because Linux works fast on any old machine, most colleges and Universities use it and teach it. Most college graduates know basic Linux and can help you. If you have an old XT or VISTA or W8 machine holding up a shelf in the garage, Linux on a stick will work quite well on it, as long as it has a working USB socket. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. The children of our parish in Tokyo had been practicing their Christmas play. Right on cue, the innkeeper said, "There is no room." No one was prepared for Joseph when he turned to Mary and said, "I told you to go online and make reservations!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Sarah and her thirteen-year-old sister had been fighting a lot this year. (This happens when you combine a headstrong two-year-old, who is sure she is always right, with a young adolescent.) Sarah's parents, trying to take advantage of her newfound interest in Santa Claus, reminded the two-year-old that Santa was watching and doesn't like it when children fight. This had little impact. "I'll just have to tell Santa about your misbehavior," the mother said as she picked up the phone and dialed. Sarah's eyes grew big as her mother asked "Mrs. Claus" (really Sarah's aunt; Santa's real line was busy) if she could put Santa on the line. Sarah's mouth dropped open as Mom described to Santa (Sarah's uncle) how the two-year-old was acting. But, when Mom said that Santa wanted to talk to her, she reluctantly took the phone. Santa, in a deepened voice, explained to her how there would be no presents Christmas morning to children who fought with their sisters. He would be watching, and he expected things to be better from now on. Sarah, now even more wide eyed, solemnly nodded to each of Santa's remarks and silently hung the phone up when he was done. After a long moment, Mom (holding in her chuckles at being so clever) asked, "What did Santa say to you, dear?" In almost a whisper, Sarah sadly but matter-of-factly stated, "Santa said he won't be bringing toys to my sister this year." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Round Up Credit Card Payments Round up credit card payments as much as you can. Minimum payments are set up to maximize the amount of interest over the life of the debt. Paying more, even a small amount, significantly decreases how much interest you will end up paying. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Cutlery made from Potatoes! |
___________________________________________________ A business executive injured his leg skiing one weekend. By the time he got home Saturday, the leg was very swollen and he was having difficulty walking, so he called his physician at his home. The doctor told him to soak it in hot water. He tried soaking it in hot water but the leg became more swollen and painful. His maid saw him limping and said, "I don't know, I'm only a maid, but I always thought it was better to use cold water, not hot, for swelling." He tried switching to cold water and the swelling rapidly subsided. On Sunday afternoon he called his Dr. again to complain. "Say, what kind of a doctor are you anyway? You told me to soak my leg in hot water and it got worse. My maid told me to use cold water and it got better." "Really?" answered the doctor, "I don't understand it. My maid said to use hot water." ___________________________________________________ A Tennessee hillbilly farmer from back in the hills walked twelve miles, one way, to the general store. "Heya, Wilbur," said Sam, the store owner. "tell me, are you and Myrtle still making fires up there by rubbing stones and flint together?" "You betcha, Sam. Ain't no 'tother way. Why?" "Got something to show you. Something to make fire. It's called a 'match'." "'Match'? Never heard of it." "Watch this. If you want a fire you just do this," Sam says, taking a match and striking it on his pants." "Huh. Well, that's something, but that ain't for me, Sam." "Well, why not?" "Myrtle makes the fire, and she don't wear no pants." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
My husband went on a sudden business trip, and I accompanied him. It soon became apparent that he could not wrap things up in one day, so his employer put us up for the night in a luxury hotel. We found a convenience store and purchased toothbrushes, a razor and other necessary items. Finally we entered the lobby of the hotel, each of us toting a brown paper bag filled with supplies. The hotel manager looked us over. Raising an eyebrow, he intoned haughtily, "Matching luggage?" | Today November 21 in 1620 The Mayflower reached Provincetown, MA. The ship discharged the Pilgrims at Plymouth, MA, on December 26, 1620. 1783 The first successful flight was made in a hot air balloon. The pilots, Francois Pilatre de Rosier and Francois Laurent, Marquis d'Arlandes, flew for 25 minutes and 5? miles over Paris. 1871 M.F. Galethe patented the cigar lighter. 1877 Thomas A. Edison announced the invention of his phonograph. 1929 Spanish surrealist Salvador Dali had his first art exhibit. 1942 The Alaska Highway across Canada was formally opened. 1953 British Natural History Museum authorities announced that "Piltdown Man" was a hoax. 1962 U.S. President Kennedy terminated the quarantine measures against Cuba. 1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon's attorney, J. Fred Buzhardt, announced the presence of an 18?-minute gap in one of the White House tape recordings related to the Watergate case. 1979 The U.S. Embassy in Islamabad, Pakistan, was attacked by a mob that set the building afire and killed two Americans. 1980 An estimated 83 million viewers tuned in to find out "who shot J.R." on the CBS prime-time soap opera Dallas. Kristin was the character that fired the gun. (Texas) 1980 87 people died in a fire at the MGM Grand Hotel-Casino in Las Vegas, NV. 1985 Former U.S. Navy intelligence analyst Jonathan Jay Pollard was arrested after being accused of spying for Israel. He was later sentenced to life in prison. 1986 U.S. Attorney General Meese was asked to conduct an inquiry of the Iran arms sales. 1987 An eight-day siege began at a detention center in Oakdale, LA, as Cuban detainees seized the facility and took hostages. 1992 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood, issued an apology but refused to discuss allegations that he'd made unwelcome sexual advances toward 10 women in past years. 1994 NATO warplanes bombed an air base in Serb-held Croatia that was being used by Serb planes to raid the Bosnian "safe area" of Bihac. 1995 France detonated its fourth underground nuclear blast at a test site in the South Pacific. 1999 China announced that it had test-launched an unmanned space capsule that was designed for manned spaceflight. 2000 The Florida Supreme Court granted Al Gore's request to keep the presidential recounts going until he had enough votes. He lost anyway. His revenge was inventing Gullible Warming. 2001 Microsoft Corp. proposed giving $1 billion in computers, software, training and cash to more than 12,500 of the poorest schools in the U.S. The offer was intended as part of a deal to settle most of the company's private antitrust lawsuits. 2002 NATO invited Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania, Bulgaria, Romania, Slovakia and Slovenia to become members. 2013 The Dow Jones Industrial Average closed above 16,000 for the first time. 2018 Do smiled. |
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