Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, February 13 ___________________________________________________ Today, February 13 in 1633 Galileo Galilei arrived in Rome for trial before the Inquisition. The church put him under house arrest until his death in 1642. ______________________________________________________ There is no nonsense so arrant that it cannot be made the creed of the vast majority by adequate governmental action. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: TSA agent tricked traveler into baring herself __________________________________________ A career military man, who had retired as a corporal, was telling the younger men how he handled officers during his years of service. "It didn't matter a hoot if he was a Major General, an Admiral, or the Commander-in-Chief. I always told those guys exactly where to get off. "Wow, you musta been something," the admiring young soldiers remarked. "What was your job in the service?" "Elevator boy in the Pentagon." __________________________________________ Thanks to Jean for sending me this picture: Road To Hell __________________________________________ Owing to the advance in medical technology, surgical technique and the fact that silicone breast implants have been determined to be perfectly safe, a California cosmetic surgery practice is opening a new office where breast augmentation surgery is done on an outpatient basis in about 30 minutes, not counting the paperwork, which you can do online at home. They are calling the practice "Jiffy Boob." ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by TSA agent tricked traveler into baring herself A federal Transportation Security Administration agent tricked a traveler into twice showing him her breasts as she went through security at one of the worlds busiest airports, Californias attorney said. Attorney General Xavier Becerra said Johnathon Lomeli, 22, was working at Los Angeles International Airport in June when he used fraud or deceit to falsely imprison the woman. Lomeli was arrested early Thursday at his home. He first said he had to look inside her bra to make sure she wasnt hiding anything, then had her hold her pants away from her waist so he could look inside, she told investigators. He subsequently took her to what he said would be a private room for more security screening, according to an arrest affidavit. But once they were alone on an elevator, she said he told her he could do the screening right there. The woman said Lomeli told her he had to make sure she still had nothing in her bra, requiring her to lift her shirt to show me your full breasts. He also again looked down her pants, she said, before telling her she was free to go and adding that she had nice breasts. He was being held in lieu of $50,000 bail and was expected to make an initial appearance Friday in Los Angeles County Superior Court. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Ian Re: Investment advice Dear Webby What do you think about all those investment advice newsletters out there? Ian Dear Ian If any of those investment advisors knew what they are doing, then they would invest in their own scams, not try to get you to invest in them. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. >From Ed Bought my girlfriend a mood ring the other day. When she's in a good mood it turns green. When she's in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on my forehead. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ The stockbroker called his client and said, "Sam, I have good news and bad news." Sam said, "Tell me the bad news first." The stockbroker said, "Sam, I'm sorry, but I lost all of your money." Sam said, "What's the good news?" The stockbroker replied, "I got laid last night." _____________________________________________ Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. "So, how's life been for you?" Ed asked. "Not too good," Ted replied. "My first wife died of cancer, my second wife turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another woman and took all our savings, my son's in prison for trying to kill me, my daughter got run over by a bus, my house was hit by a low-flying aircraft, my vintage car rolled off the dockside into the sea, I had to have my dog put down recently, my doctor says that I have an incurable disease and to cap it all, my business has just gone bust." "Oh dear, that sounds terrible." Ed said. "What business were you in?" "I sell lucky charms," said Ted. ____________________________________________ Every night after dinner, Harry took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening there and always arrive home, well inebriated, around midnight each night. He usually had trouble getting his key to fit the keyhole and couldn't get the door open. And, every time this happened, his wife would go to the door and let him in. Then, she would proceed to yell and scream at him for his constant nights out and coming home in a drunken state. But, Harry still continued his nightly routine. One day, the distraught wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior. The friend listened and suggested, "Why don't you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words and welcome him home with a kiss? Then, he might change his ways." The wife thought that this might be a good idea. That night, Harry took off again after dinner. And, at about midnight, he arrived home in his usual condition. His wife heard him at the door. She quickly opened it and let Harry in. Instead of berating him as she had always done, this time she took his arm and led him into the living room. She sat Harry down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the foot stool, and took his shoes off. Then, she went behind him and started to cuddle him a little. After a short while, she whispered to Harry, "It's pretty late, dear. I think we should go upstairs to bed now, don't you think?" Harry replied in his inebriated state, "Heck, I guess we might as well. I'll get in trouble when I get home anyway!" ____________________________________________ | No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today February 13 in 1542 Catherine Howard was executed for adultery. She was the fifth wife of England's King Henry VIII. 1633 Galileo Galilei arrived in Rome for trial before the Inquisition. The church put him under house arrest until his death in 1642. 1880 Thomas Edison observed what became known as the Edison Effect for the first time. 1900 The Anglo-German accord of 1899 was ratified by Reichstag, in which Britain renounced rights in Samoa in favor of Germany and the U.S. 1914 The American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers (known as ASCAP) was formed in New York City. The society was founded to protect the copyrighted musical compositions of its members. 1920 The League of Nations recognized the continued neutrality of Switzerland. 1935 In Flemington, New Jersey, a jury found Bruno Richard Hauptmann guilty of the kidnapping and death of the infant son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh. Hauptmann was later executed for the crimes. 1939 Virginia Payne became a new character in NBCs soap opera, "The Carters of Elm Street". She played the part of Mrs. Carter. 1945 At the end of World War II, the Soviets captured Budapest, Hungary, from the German army. 1945 During World War II, Allied aircraft began bombing the German city of Dresden until it was all rubble. 1955 Israel acquired 4 of the 7 Dead Sea scrolls. 1960 France detonated its first atomic bomb. 1965 Sixteen-year-old Peggy Fleming won the ladies senior figure skating title at Lake Placid, NY. 1971 South Vietnamese troops invaded Laos. They were backed by U.S. air and artillery support. 1984 Konstantin Chernenko was chosen to be general secretary of the Soviet Communist Party's Central Committee, succeeding the late Yuri Andropov. 1990 In Ottawa, the United States and its European allies forged an agreement with the Soviet Union and East Germany on a two-stage formula to reunite Germany. 1991 Hundreds of Iraqis were killed by two laser-guided bombs that destroyed an underground facility in Baghdad. U.S. officials identified the facility as a military installation, but Iraqi officials said it was a bomb shelter. 1997 Astronauts on the space shuttle Discovery brought the Hubble Space Telescope aboard for a tune up. The tune up allowed the telescope to see further into the universe. 1999 A bomb exploded just outside a government-owned bank in southern Kosovo. Nine people were killed. 2000 Charles M. Schulz's last original Sunday "Peanuts" comic strip appeared in newspapers. Schulz had died the day before. 2001 El Savador was hit with an earthquake that measured 6.6 on the Richter Scale. At least 400 people were killed. 2002 In Alexandria, VA, John Walker Lindh pled innocent to a 10-count federal indictment. He was charged with conspiring to kill Americans and aiding Osama bin Laden's terrorist network. 2002 Former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani received an honorary knighthood from Queen Elizabeth II. 2008 Roger Clemens denied having taken performance- enhancing drugs in testimony before Congress. 2020 Do smiled. |
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