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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, December 20, in 1990, The world's first website and server go live at CERN. The first website was http://info.cern.ch/hypertext/WWW/TheProject.html. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Suspect arrested after Phoenix car sale turns deadly _____________________________________________________ Q Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. --- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914) Cocaine is God's way of saying that you're making too much money. --- Robin Williams (1951 - ) ____________________________________________________ Georgina likes sitting in the park feeding the pigeons. One day she brought half a loaf of bread that had gone a bit moldy to feed her daily company. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. She sat there without being noticed by anyone. Then suddenly a woman rained on her parade by telling her that she shouldn't throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere, when there are a lot of people starving in Africa. After staring at her for a few seconds, she handed her the last chunk of bread and said: "Since you are so full of hot air and good advice, I'll let you take this to Africa" __________________________________________________ This one is a repeat from the early 90s Heard on the plane: >From the granny in the "Scare North" parka (the stewardess): "They remembered to put the gas cap on today, so we won't be doing the usual circling back to the airport. Which is unfortunate, because they forgot to put the cap on the coffee thermos." And from the pilot during his message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... They will be on the next flight." One time in the 70s when they were still using their drafty see-through DC3 from Whitehorse to Dawson City, Dennis the pilot was in a serious looking conference with the stewardess and then came walking back, looking pointedly at the bright red toolcase on the floor between my feet and asked: "Does anybody by any chance have a 3/4" wrench?" I was on my way to fix a big generator and certainly did have all the wrenches with me. After I handed him a 3/4" wrench, he went back to the stewardess. She handed him a beer. In those days the beer still had crown-caps instead of screw-tops. He grabbed the bottle tighly around the neck with one hand, leveraged the wrench over his thumb and expertly popped the cap. Seems they had forgotten the bottle opener on that trip, but by the time we reached Dawson City the stewardess got pretty good at opening beer with a wrench. __________________________________________________ An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Abel Uribe, 29, Phoenix, Arizona, USA Suspect arrested after Phoenix car sale turns deadly Phoenix police have arrested a suspected killer after a car sale turned deadly on Friday night. Officers found the body of 27-year-old David Navidad- Parra lying on the ground near 43rd Avenue and McDowell at around 9:15 p.m. on Dec. 16. He had been shot to death. The 27-year-old had been reported missing earlier that night after he was last seen giving a man a test drive of his vehicle during a car sale, police said. Meanwhile, Glendale first responders responded to a car fire near 91st Avenue and Rose Lane early Saturday morning. "Preliminary information suggests the found vehicle was involved in the homicide investigation," police said. On Dec. 18, Phoenix Police announced that 29-year-old Abel Uribe was arrested in connection to Navidad-Parra's murder. Uribe faces first-degree murder and kidnapping charges. "The fire department was having a really hard time putting out the flames. It looked like obviously the car was tampered with because normally fires go out pretty easy, but this one looked like it was pretty hard to fight," said a neighbor named Kyle. He says he stood outside his house and took video of the car engulfed in flames around 4 a.m. Saturday. "When I heard a noise, it sounded like a popping sound. I stepped out just to make sure somebody wasnt fumbling in the back of my truck," he said. Other neighbors say they saw the car pull up late Friday night and they saw someone sitting inside it for hours. "We even heard an alarm going off, but we didnt think anything of it because theres always cars parking down here, so we didnt think anything of it," a neighbor said. She says she didnt call police last night, but she wishes she did, after discovering that Phoenix Police and Glendale Police believe the homicide and the burning vehicle are intertwined. "My son just saw somebody walking in the field and my other son saw him get out. They dont know who it was. They couldnt see anything. It was really dark," she said. Family and friends were mourning and placing candles and flowers in Navidad-Parra's memory where he's suspected to have died. ___________________________________________________ Robin Alexander A flying whitetail buck west of Nanton, Alberta. ___________________________________________________ A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee. " What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked. "Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asked. "Yes, I do," she replied. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" "Yes, I remember." Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or spend twenty years in jail?" "Yes, I do," she said. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "You know...I would have gotten out of jail today." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A man and a woman had been married for ten years and decided to try and have kids. They had not been using birth control for the entire time they had been married, so they thought they may have a problem conceiving. The woman decided to go to the gynecologist and see if the problem was with her. She had been hard of hearing since she was little. The doctor examined her and came in to give her the conclusions. He said, "I'm sorry, but the problem is with you. You have insufficient passion and if you ever have a baby it will be a miracle." The woman was very upset and went home crying. Her husband got home and asked her what was wrong. She said, "The doctor told me I've got a fish up my passage and if I ever have a baby it will be a mackerel." ---------------- I can certainly sympathise with her. My hearing is like that. In High-school, college and university I became a master of guessing and faking answers to questions, I had neither heard nor understood. They never quite mmade me repeat year. I was too much of a nuissance for that. ___________________________________________________ Ron Asp Porcupine, Wetaskiwin, Alberta _________________________________________________ A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.' He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R." The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?" Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F- O-O-R." Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." Then the teacher asks, "Do can you spell 'before'?" Do stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E." "Excellent Do, now can you use it in a sentence?" Do says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore." _______________________________________________ When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" Doc asked. "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come now," Doc said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?" He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!" __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and --WHACK!!-- he knocks him off the bar stool and says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy thinks "GEEZ" but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK-- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop rom Japan." The little guy has had enough of this so he leaves and is gone for an hour or so and when comes back. --WHACK!!!"-- He knocks the big dude off his stool and out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he comes to again, tell him that was a 36 inch pipe wrench from Home Depot. ________________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Erin Re: Is "mail Quota" email a scam? Dear Webby I got an email with Subject Subject: Re: WARNING LOW SPACE, INCOMING MAIL BLOCKED Urging me to click on a button to Upgrade Mail Quota Here! What made me suspicious was that they had forged MY adress in as the sender. What should I do? Erin Dear Erin DON'T click on anything. Trash it immediately. It is scam-spam. Whenever they forge YOUR address as the purported sender, trash it unread. If you are in the habit of sending yourself emails, instead of using Post-It notes or writing on your arm, start using a goofy symbol at the start of the subject line in mails to yourself, for example Subject: ~ Aunt Emma's Birthday tomorrow That way you instantly KNOW. If some sleazy crook forges your address as the sender, he or she does not have your secret code ~ at the start of the subject line. You can of course use any symbol, that you will recognize. If you look at the Humor Letter, with my address unchanged since 1994, when you were still jail bait, MY secret symbol has always been "Humor: " The scammers have STILL not caught on to that! Just make a filter in your MailWasher: If the mail is from: {your address} and SUBJECT DOES NOT CONTAIN ~ (or whatever your secret code is) Then trash it, automatically, unseen. That's all you need, and you will NEVER see scam-spam with your address forged in anymore. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades. One knight told his best friend "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade in seven years." The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching. Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted. A horseman approached. It was the knight's best friend. He said "Hey, you gave me the wrong key!!" ____________________________________________________ Today, December 20 in 1606, The "Susan Constant," "Godspeed" and "Discovery" set sail from London. Their landing at Jamestown, VA, was the start of the first permanent English settlement in America. 1699, Peter the Great ordered that the Russian New Year be changed from September 1 to January 1. 1790, The first successful cotton mill in the United States began operating at Pawtucket, RI. 1803, The United States Senate ratified a treaty that included the Louisiana Territories from France for $15 million. The transfer was completed with formal ceremonies in New Orleans. 1820, The state of Missouri enacted legislation to tax bachelors between the ages of 21-50 for being unmarried. The tax was $1 a year. 1860, South Carolina became the first state to secede from the American Union. 1864, Confederate forces evacuated Savannah, GA as Union Gen. William T. Sherman continued his "March to the Sea." 1879, Thomas A. Edison privately demonstrated his incandescent light at Menlo Park, NJ. 1880, New York's Broadway became known as the "Great White Way" when it was lighted by electricity. 1892, Alexander T. Brown and George Stillman patented the pneumatic tire. 1928, Mail delivery by dog sled began in Lewiston, ME. 1933, The film "Flying Down to Rio" was first shown in New York. 1938, Vladimir Kosma Zworykin patented the iconoscope television system. 1946, The Frank Capra film "It's A Wonderful Life" had a preview showing for charity at New York City's Globe Theatre, a day before its "official" world premiere. James Stewart and Donna Reed star in the film. 1946, In Indochina (Vietnam), full-scale guerrilla warfare between Vietnam partisans and French troops began. 1954, Buick Motor Company signed Jackie Gleason to one of the largest contracts ever entered into with an entertainer. Gleason agreed to produce 78 half-hour shows over a two-year period for $6,142,500. 1962, A world indoor pole-vault record was set by Don Meyers when he cleared 16 feet, 1-1/4 inches. 1963, The Berlin Wall was opened for the first time to West Berliners. It was only for the holiday season. It closed again on January 6, 1964. 1973, The Spanish premier Carrero Blanco was assassinated in Madrid. 1987, More than 3,000 people were killed when the Dona Paz, a Philippine passenger ship, collided with the tanker Vector off Mindoro island, setting off a double explosion. 1989, General Noriega, Panama's former dictator, was overthrown by a United States invasion force invited by the new civilian government. The project was known as Operation Just Cause. 1990, The world's first website and server go live at CERN. The first website was http://info.cern.ch/hypertext/WWW/TheProject.html. 1991, Ante Markovic resigned as federal Prime Minister of Yugoslavia. 1991, Oliver Stone's "JFK" opened in the U.S. 1994, Marcelino Corniel, a homeless man, was shot and mortally wounded by White House security officers. He had brandished a knife near the executive mansion. 1995, An American Airlines Boeing 757 en route to Cali, Colombia, crashed into a mountain, killing all but four of the 163 people aboard. 1996, Doctors reported that a Cypriot woman who had taken fertility drugs was carrying about 11 embryos. 1998, In Houston, TX, a 27-year-old woman gave birth to the only known living set of octuplets. 1999, The Vermont Supreme Court ruled that homosexual couples were entitled to the same benefits and protections as wedded couples of the opposite sex. 1999, Sovereignty over the colony of Macao was transferred from Portugal to China. 2001, The U.S. Congress passed a $20 billion package to finance the war against terrorism taking place in Afghanistan. 2001, Argentina's President Fernando De la Rua resigned after two years in power. 2001, The first British peacekeepers arrived in Afghanistan to help the nation heal after decades of war. 2022 Do smiled.
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