Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, April 2 ______________________________________________________ Today, April 2 in 1963 Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King began the first anti- American campaign in Birmingham, AL. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Guns revealed in Moline stolen van crash case ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. --- Phyllis Diller _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "Teenager Daughter Owner's Manual" Instructions for all those with teenage daughters or daughters who think they are teenagers or who will eventually be teen- agers. Teenager Owner's Manual Congratulations! You are now the proud new owner of a teenage daughter. Please read this manual carefully, as it describes the main- tenance of your new daughter, and answers important questions about your warranty (which does NOT include the right to return the product to the factory for a full refund.) IF YOU FEEL, YOU HAVE RECEIVED YOUR TEENAGER IN ERROR: To determine whether you were supposed to receive a teenager girl, please examine your new daughter carefully. Does she: (a) look very similar to your original daughter, only with more makeup and less clothing? (b) refuse to acknowledge your existence on the planet Earth (except when requesting money)? (c) Sleep in a burrow of dirty laundry? If any of these are true, you have received the correct item. Nice try, though. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Armand Cannon, 24, of Grand Mound, Iowa, Alexander Garrels, 25, of Davenport, Iowa, Amy Taylor, 27, of Davenport, Iowa Guns revealed in Moline stolen van crash case Charges have been filed against the suspects of a van theft that ended in a crash, killing a Milan woman. Three suspects were in the van when they crashed into an SUV. Two of them fled, but all three were captured and arrested. Here are their charges. Armand Cannon, 24, of Grand Mound, Iowa, is charged with Reckless Homicide, Possesion of Stolen Vehicle and Aggravated Reckless Driving. Bond is posted at $250,000. Alexander Garrels, 25, of Davenport, Iowa, is charged with Unlawful Possesion of Weapon by a Felon and Possesion of Stolen Vehicle. Bond is posted at $250,000. Amy Taylor, 27, of Davenport, Iowa, is charged with Possesion of Stolen Vehicle. Bond is posted at $100,000. All three defendants are originally from Iowa, according to court records. Seven stolen guns were recovered from the stolen van, Detective Michael Griffin said. Police found one revolver, three rifles and three BB guns. From: Cindy Re: is Linux REALLY easier and faster? Dear DearWebby You make it sounds as if Linux was easier. What little bit of it I saw, seemed to be very cumbersome. Cindy Dear Cindy You probably saw some admin work, the equivalent of editing the registry in Windows. Don't worry about that. Normally you would be in a word processor like OpenOffice Write, or a spreadsheet or presentation creator, or any program. A system admin might go below that for changing network setups, but other than that, you won't ever see the raw command line. You will be working in programs. You will really enjoy seeing it start up in seconds instead of in minutes, and faster program startups and switching. Windows is probably a lot better for games, but for work, Linux is better. That is why banks and big companies all use Linux. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. >From Nina I was in a department store dressing room when I overheard a woman in the next booth make disparaging remarks about the clothes she was trying on. Finally, an attendant knocked on her door and asked if there was a specific color or style she could get for her. "I need a dress for my class reunion," the woman answered. "I don't care what color or style, as long as it makes me look twenty pounds lighter and ten years younger." >From another dressing room I heard a woman call out, "Make that two." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when the wife is pregnant. Tension is when the girlfriend is pregnant. Panic is when both are pregnant. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Borrowing Money When borrowing a large amount of money for a house or a car, make sure you get a loan with no prepayment penalty. Then you should always pay more than the minimum payment. An additional $50 a month can shave years off a mortgage or car loan. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Making artificial rain clouds. |
___________________________________________________ The groom to be said to his fiancee, "Three-thousand eight- hundred dollars for a dress that's only going to be worn once?!" "Who says it's only going to be worn once?" "Oh? You're planning to get married again? You know you can't wear white the second time!" "No, but I do plan to have a daughter and she'll wear it on her wedding day. And she'll have a daughter who will wear it on her wedding day. And her daughter will wear it on her wedding day. It will become a family heirloom." "I'll bet your mother never bought such an extravagant dress." "Oh yeah? Well, she did too, smarty!" "Okay, then why don't you wear hers?" "Who wants to get married in that old thing?" ___________________________________________________ During a phone conversation, my nephew mentioned that he was taking a psychology course at the university. "Oh, great," I said. "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family." "No, no," he replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
>From Theo Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we decided to call the customer support phone number we found in the manual. I picked up the phone and called the number. A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him. He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more. "Sir," I said politely, "Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?" "Okay," the computer support guy said "Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?" ___________________________________________________ | Today April 2 in 1513 Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon sighted Florida. The next day he went ashore. 1792 The U.S. Congress passed the Coinage Act to regulate the coins of the United States. The act authorized $10 Eagles, $5 Half Eagles, $2.50 Quarter Eagle gold coins, silver dollars, dollars, quarters, dimes and half-dimes to be minted. 1801 During the Napoleonic Wars, the Danish fleet was destroyed by the British at the Battle of Copenhagen. 1860 The first Italian Parliament met in Turin. 1865 Confederate President Davis and most of his Cabinet fled the Confederate capital of Richmond, VA. 1872 G.B. Brayton received a patent for the gas-powered streetcar. 1877 The first Egg Roll was held on the grounds of the White House in Washington, DC. 1889 Charles Hall patented aluminum. 1902 The first motion picture theatre opened in Los Angeles with the name Electric Theatre. 1905 The Simplon rail tunnel officially opened. The tunnel went under the Alps and linked Switzerland and Italy. 1910 Karl Harris perfected the process for the artificial synthesis of rubber. 1914 The U.S. Federal Reserve Board announced plans to divide the country into 12 districts. 1917 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson presented a declaration of war against Germany to the U.S. Congress. 1932 A $50,000 ransom was paid for the infant son of Charles and Anna Lindbergh. He child was not returned and was found dead the next month. 1935 Sir Watson-Watt was granted a patent for RADAR. 1944 The Soviet Union announced that its troops had crossed the Prut River and entered Romania. 1947 The U.N. Security Council voted to appoint the U.S. as trustee for former Japanese-held Pacific Islands. 1951 U.S. General Dwight Eisenhower assumed command of all allied forces in the Western Mediterranean area and Europe. 1958 The National Advisory Council on Aeronautics was renamed NASA. 1960 France signed an agreement with Madagascar that proclaimed the country an independent state within the French community. 1963 Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King began the first anti- American campaign in Birmingham, AL. 1966 South Vietnamese troops joined in demonstrations at Hue and Da Nang for an end to military rule. 1967 In Peking, hundreds of thousands demonstrated against Mao foe Liu Shao-chi. 1972 Burt Reynolds appeared nude in "Cosmopolitan" magazine. 1981 In Lebanon, thirty-seven people were reported killed during fighting in the cities of Beirut and Zahle. It was the worst violence since the 1976 cease fire. 1982 Argentina invaded the British-owned Falkland Islands. The following June Britain took the islands back. 1984 In Jerusalem, three Arab gunmen wounded 48 people when they opened fire into a crowd of shoppers. 1985 The NCAA Rules Committee adopted the 45-second shot clock for men's basketball to begin in the 1986 season. 1986 On a TWA airliner flying from Rome to Athens a bomb exploded under a seat killing four Americans. 1987 The speed limit on U.S. interstate highways was increased to 65 miles per hour in limited areas. 1989 General Prosper Avril, Haiti's military leader, survived a coup attempt. The attempt was apparently provoked by Avril's U.S.-backed efforts to fight drug trafficking. 1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein threatened to incinerate half of Israel with chemical weapons if Israel joined a conspiracy against Iraq. 1992 Mob boss John Gotti was convicted in New York of murder and racketeering. He was later sentenced to life in prison. 1995 The costliest strike in professional sports history ended when baseball owners agreed to let players play without a contract. 1996 Russia and Belarus signed a treaty that created a political and economic alliance in an effort to reunite the two former Soviet republics. 1996 Lech Walesa resumed his old job as an electrician at the Gdansk shipyard. He was the former Solidarity union leader who became Poland's first post-war democratic president. 2002 Israeli troops surrounded the Church of the Nativity. More than 200 Palestinians had taken refuge at the church when Israel invaded Bethlehem. 2013 The United Nations General Assembly adopted the Arms Trade Treaty to regulate the international trade of conventional weapons. 2014 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that limits on the total amount of money individuals can give political candidates and political action committees were unconstitutional. 2019 Do smiled. |
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