Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, December 16 Thank you, Joe !! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Drunk Floridian carries loaded AR15 ____________________________________ Today, December 16 in 1950 U.S. President Truman proclaimed a national state of emergency in order to fight "Communist imperialism." _____________________________________________________ It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember. --- Eugene McCarthy (1916 - 2005) "A truly perfect marriage would be one between a blind woman and a deaf man." --- George Burns _____________________________________________________ After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. "Make three wishes," she told her mother, "and I'll grant them." Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled. Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged. The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her third wish, "I wish to have a trim figure again." The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly. "I'll need more power for this!" she exclaimed. _____________________________________________________ Sequoia National Park Samuel Lethier ___________________________________________________ To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and studied it with an appraising eye. "We'll both have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said finally. "Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the owner." ____________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kaleb Kleiss, 20, 6' 4", 240-pounds, Clearwater, Florida, USA Drunk Floridian carries loaded AR15 An intoxicated minor who was driving with a loaded AR-15 rifle in his lap Saturday evening told police that he carried the assault weapon because he "has seen crazy stuff since moving to Florida" from Alabama, according to arrest affidavits. Police report that Kaleb Kleiss, 20, was involved in a "traffic altercation" while driving his 2016 Volkswagen near his Clearwater apartment. A witness told cops that Kleiss had the barrel of the AR-15 sticking out his vehicle's driver side window. At one point, Kleiss lifted the weapon off his lap and pointed it out the window, investigators charge. "This put the witness in great fear," an affidavit states. When police located Kleiss, he was standing near his car, which was parked and running outside a laundromat. The AR-15 was "displayed carelessly and laying on the dashboard...in plain view of everyone walking by the store," an officer noted. The rifle was "loaded with a full magazine and a round in the chamber," police say. Kleiss, pictured above, was "highly intoxicated," and took two breath tests showing that his blood alcohol content was above the .08 limit. After being read his rights, Kleiss reportedly told police that he carried the AR-15 for "self defense" because he "has seen crazy stuff since moving to Florida." The affidavits do not indicate when Kleiss relocated to Florida from a town in southeastern Alabama. Kleiss said the AR-15 had initially been in the car's back seat, but he "turned the music up loud" and "was feeling it and moved the rifle to his lap." The 6' 4", 240-pound Kleiss added that he put the rifle in his lap because he was "paranoid." Kleiss was charged with drunk driving, improper exhibition of a dangerous weapon, and using a firearm while under the influence. He was released early yesterday from the county jail after posting $900 bond on the three misdemeanor charges. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Doris Re: Is Incredimail dead? Dear Webby, My auntie used to send me emails with her Incredimail. While the silly emoticons were a nuisance, sometimes they were funny. Then suddenly it all stopped and she has not replied. Is Incrediimail dead, or is she? Doris Dear Doris Incredimail is dead since spring. Write to any relatives in her area and ask for her current address. If that fails, google her name or the names of any clubs she was associated with. Somebody will have heard from her. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A guy is walking through a fairground one day, when he notices a stunning redhead sprawled on the ground unconscious. Kneeling next to the beauty, he lightly slaps her face. No response. Then he rubs her wrists. Nothing. He even tries mouth to mouth. The gorgeous woman does not respond. Finally, the guy takes another tack. He unbuttons the girl's blouse, and slides it off her body. Then, unhooking her bra, he begins to massage and fondle her firm, substantial breasts. The girl begins to moan and gasp in pleasure, her nipples stiffening, and finally her eyes flutter open. "Oh thank you," she sighs. Looking down at the guy's hands, still massaging her breasts, she goes on. "Tell me, how did you think of such a novel way to revive me?" "Oh, it wasn't my idea," he says. "That guy over there kept shouting, "Rubber balloons ..... Rubber balloons!!" ____________________________________________ Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better. Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons. Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it. Good girls pack their toothbrush. Bad girls pack their diaphragms. Good girls prefer the missionary position. Bad girls do too, but only for starters. Good girls say, "No." Bad girls say, "When?" Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls. Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines. ____________________________________________ A proud mother telephoned a Sunday newspaper to announce she had given birth to eight children. The line was bad, and the operator didn't hear the message. "Would you repeat that?", the operator asked. "Not if I can help it, " said the mother. _______________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today December 16 in 1653 Oliver Cromwell became lord protector of England, Scotland and Ireland. 1773 Nearly 350 chests of tea were dumped into Boston Harbor off of British ships by Colonial patriots. The patriots were disguised as Indians. The act was to protest taxation without representation and the monopoly the government granted to the East India Company. 1809 Napoleon Bonaparte was divorced from the Empress Josephine by an act of the French Senate. 1835 In New York, 530 buildings were destroyed by fire. 1838 The Zulu chief Dingaan was defeated by a small force of Boers at Blood River celebrated in South Africa as 'Dingaan's Day'. 1850 The first immigrant ship, the Charlotte Jane, arrived at Lyttleton, New Zealand. 1901 "The Tale of Peter Rabbit," by Beatrix Potter, was printed for the first time. 1903 Women ushers were employed for the first time at the Majestic Theatre in New York City. 1912 The first postage stamp to depict an airplane was issued was a 20-cent parcel-post stamp. 1940 French Premier Petain arrested Pierre Laval after learning of a plan for Laval to seize power and set up a new government with German support. 1944 During World War II, the Battle of the Bulge began in Belgium. It was the final major German counteroffensive in the war. 1950 U.S. President Truman proclaimed a national state of emergency in order to fight "Communist imperialism." 1960 A United Air Lines DC-8 and a TWA Super Constellation collided over New York City, killing 134 people. 1973 O.J. Simpson broke Jim Brown's single-season rushing record in the NFL. Brown had rushed for 1,863 yards, while Simpson attained 2,003 yards. 1985 Reputed organized-crime chief Paul Castellano was shot to death outside a New York City restaurant. 1990 Jean-Bertrand Aristide, a leftist priest, was elected president in Haiti's first democratic elections. 1995 Many U.S. government functions were again closed as a temporary finance provision expired and the budget dispute between President Clinton and Republicans in Congress continued. 1995 NATO launched a military operation in support of the Bosnia peace agreement. 1996 Britain's agriculture minister announced the slaughter of an additional 100,000 cows thought to be at risk of contracting BSE in an effort to persuade the EU to lift its ban on Britain. 1998 The U.S. and Britain fired hundreds of missiles on Iraq in response to Saddam Hussein's refusal to comply with U.N. weapons inspectors. 1998 Eric Michelman filed the earliest patent for a scroll wheel for a computer mouse. 1999 Torrential rains and mudslides in Venezuela left thousands of people dead and forced at least 120,000 to leave their homes. 2000 Researchers announced that information from NASA's Galileo spacecraft indicated that Ganymede appeared to have a liquid saltwater ocean beneath a surface of solid ice. Ganymede, a moon of Jupiter, is the solar system's largest moon. The discovery is considered important since water is a key ingredient for life. 2000 U.S. President-elect George W. Bush selected Colin Powell to be the first African-American secretary of state. Powell was sworn in January 20, 2001. 2001 In Tora Bora, Afghanistan, tribal fighters announced that they had taken the last al-Quaida positions. More than 200 fighters were killed and 25 captured. They also announced that they had found no sign of Osama bin Laden. 2001 Cuba received the first commercial food shipment from the United States in nearly 40 years. The shipment was sent to help Cuba after Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba on November 4, 2001. 2001 A British newspaper, The Observer, reported that a notebook had been found at an al-Quaida training camp in southern Afghanistan. The notebook contained a "blue print" for a bomb attack on London's financial district. 2009 Astronomers discovered GJ1214b. It was the first-known exoplanet on which water could exist. 2020 Do smiled. |
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