Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, December 12 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Marion County deputies nab tattoo-covered car theft suspect Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, December 12 in 1995 The U.S. Senate stopped a constitutional amendment giving Congress authority to outlaw flag burning and other forms of desecration against the American flag. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese. --- Carl Sagan ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ All Time Dumbest Questions Asked by Banff Park Tourists Yes, they're ALL TRUE as heard at the information kiosks manned by Parks Canada staff!) 1. How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing"signs? 2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose? 3. Tourist: "How do you pronounce 'Elk'?" Park Information Staff: " 'Elk' " Tourist: "Oh". 4. Are the bears with collars tame? 5. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose? 6. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent? 7. Where can I find Alpine Flamingos? 8. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today - could you tell me what it was? 9. Are there birds in Canada? 10. Did I miss the turnoff for Canada? 11. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin? 12. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper? 13. Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan? 14. If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario? 15. Which is the way to the Columbia Ricefields? 16. How far is Banff from Canada? 17. What's the best way to see Canada in a day? 18. Do they search you at the B.C. border? 19. When we enter B.C. do we have to convert our money to British pounds? 20. Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, don't they? 21. Are there phones in Banff? 22. So it's eight kilometres away... is that in miles? 23. We're on the decibel system you know. 24. Where can I get my husband really, REALLY lost?? 25. Is that two kilometres by foot or by car? 26. Don't you Canadians know anything? 27. Where do you put the animals at night? 28. Tourist: "How do you get your lakes so blue?" Park staff: "We take the water out in the winter and paint the bottom." Tourist: " Oh And the most common question, also referred to as the mating call of the blue haired Winnebagan: "An haw much ees dat in reel mohney?" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ After examining the contents of the employee suggestion box, the senior partner of the law firm complained, "I wish they'd be more specific. What kind of kite? Which lake?" ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from the nearby town was called to put the fire out. The fire proved to be more than the small town fire department could handle, so someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire department be called. The volunteer fire department arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They drove straight towards the fire and stopped right in the middle of the flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions and beating the fire out by flaing it with their jackets. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, dividing the flames into two easily controllable parts. Now the farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and so grateful that his farm and crops had been spared, he presented the volunteer fire department with a check for $1000. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds. "That should be obvious," he responded. "The very first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed on that stupid fire truck." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Wade Hardister, 26, Queens Garden Resort, Florida Marion County deputies nab tattoo-covered car theft suspect Marion County deputies, with the help of their K-9, helped find a car theft suspect from Putnam County, investigators said. Deputies said they noticed a stolen 2005 Hyundai vehicle Saturday pull into the parking lot of the Queens Garden Resort at 3340 S. Pine Ave., in Ocala. Robert Wade Hardister, 26, got out of the car and ran, deputies said. Deputy Matthew Hooper said he and K-9 Ramo tracked Hardister down in the 500 block of SE 35 Place, where Hardister surrendered to deputies without incident. Hardister faces charges of grand theft auto. ROBERT HARDISTER'S PAST ARRESTS: (Sept. 2016) Police: Florida man with tattooed face found asleep in stolen truck at Walmart (June 2017) Report: Admitted drug dealer caught in stolen car in St. Augustine _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: George Re: Is HTML unsafe Dear Webby, A friend has said that opening a message containing HTML could open a virus! Is that really true? I had always heard that virii could only get you if you opened an executable attachment. George Dear George You are right, your friend is wrong. HTML is totally harmless. It is just fancy formatting. If HTML was dangerous, your virus protection would have complained about your daily Humor Letter since the day you subscribed. Nearly all viruses, worms and other malware is spread with plain text messages, NOT with HTML formatted mails, because the file size of a plain text mail is much smaller. Many more can be sent in a much shorter time. As you figured, it's not the formatting of the text and pictures that is dangerous, but attachments are. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. "May I try on that dress in the window?" the gorgeous young woman asks the manager of the designer boutique. "Go ahead," the manager replies, "Maybe it'll attract some business." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
What religion is your bra? A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, I'd like to buy a bra for my wife." "What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquires the man, "There is more than one type?" "Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from." Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?" Now befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them. The saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses. The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen, The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and the Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Old Window Crafts Keep and eye out for old windows with wood frames at yard sales. They can be made into rustic looking picture frames. Find pictures that are a little smaller than the window and use a matte, which can be found at any craft store, to give it a finished look. Use tape or staples (put in sideways) to hold the pictures and mattes in place. Multi-pane windows can be used to frame multiple pictures. An inexpensive way to find artwork or pictures to frame is to use old calendar pages. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com font> ____________________________________________________ Little Johnny's class was having an English lesson, and the teacher called on Johnny to recite a sentence with a direct object. Johnny stood and thought for a minute. Then he said, "Teacher, I think you are beautiful." "Why thank you, Johnny," the teacher said, blushing. "But what is the direct object?" Little Johnny said, "A good report card." | | Old, politically incorrect, commercials. |
Thanks to Phil in Salisbury, England Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called "Bureaucracy." Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything, loses. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, December 12, in 1791 The Bank of the United States, also known as the First Bank, opened for business in Philadelphia, PA. 1792 In Vienna, 22-year-old Ludwig van Beethoven received one of his first lessons in music composition from Franz Joseph Haydn. 1800 Washington, DC, was established as the capital of the United States. 1870 Joseph H. Rainey of South Carolina became the first black lawmaker to be sworn into the U.S. House of Representatives. 1896 Guglielmo Marconi gave the first public demonstration of radio at Toynbee Hall, London. 1897 The comic strip"The Katzenjammer Kids" (Hans and Fritz), by Rudolph Dirks, appeared in the New York Journal for the first time. 1899 George Grant patented the wooden golf tee. 1900 Charles M. Schwab formed the United States Steel Corporation. 1901 The first radio signal to cross the Atlantic was picked up near St. John's Newfoundland, by inventor Guglielmo Marconi. 1915 The first all-metal aircraft, the German Junkers J1, made its first flight. 1917 Father Edward Flanagan opened Boys Town in Nebraska. The farm village was for wayward boys. In 1979 it was opened to girls. 1925 The "Motel Inn," the first motel in the world, opened in San Luis Obispo, CA. 1937 Japanese aircraft sank the U.S. gunboat "Panay" on China's Yangtze River. Japan apologized for the attack, and paid $2.2 million in reparations. 1946 A United Nations committee voted to accept a six-block tract of Manhattan real estate to be the site of the UN's headquarters. The land was offered as a gift by John D. Rockefeller Jr. 1947 The United Mine Workers union withdrew from the American Federation of Labor. 1951 The U.S. Navy Department announced that the world's first nuclear powered submarine would become the sixth ship to bear the name Nautilus. 1955 It was announced that the Ford Foundation gave $500,000,000 to private hospitals, colleges and medical schools. 1955 British engineer Christopher Cockerell patented the first hovercraft. 1963 Kenya gained its independence from Britain. 1975 Sara Jane Moore pled guilty to a charge of trying to kill U.S. President Ford in San Francisco the previous September. 1982 20,000 women encircled Greenham Common air base in Britain in protest against proposed cite of U.S. Cruise missiles there. 1983 Car bombs were set off in front of the French and U.S. embassies in Kuwait City. Shiite extremists were responsible for the five deaths and 86 wounded. Total of five bombs went off in different locations. 1984 In a telephone conversation with U.S. President Reagan, William J. Schroeder complained of a delay in his Social Security benefits. Schroeder received a check the following day. 1985 248 American soldiers and eight crewmembers were killed when an Arrow Air charter crashed in Gander, Newfoundland after takeoff. 1989 Britain forcibly removed 51 Vietnamese from Hong Kong and returned them to their homeland. 1989 Leona Helmsley was fined $7 million and sentenced to four years in prison for tax evasion. 1991 At the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center (SLAC) in California, the first web server outside of Europe was installed. 1994 The Brazilian Supreme Court acquitted former President Fernando Collor de Mello of corruption charges that had forced him to resign in 1992. 1994 IBM stopped shipments of personal computers with Intel's flawed Pentium chip. 1995 The U.S. Senate stopped a constitutional amendment giving Congress authority to outlaw flag burning and other forms of desecration against the American flag. 1995 Two French airmen shot down over Bosnia arrived home after almost four months of being held captive by the Bosnian Serbs. 1997 Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, the international terrorist known as "Carlos the Jackal," went on trial in Paris on charges of killing two French investigators and a Lebanese national. He was convicted and sentenced to life in prison. 1997 The U.S. Justice Department ordered Microsoft to sell its Internet browser separately from its Windows operating system to prevent it from building a monopoly of Web access programs. 2000 The U.S. Supreme Court found that the recount ordered by the Florida Supreme Court in the 2000 U.S. Presidential election was unconstitutional. U.S. Vice President Al Gore conceded the election to Texas Gov. George W. Bush the next day. 2000 Timothy McVeigh, over the objections of his lawyers, abandoned his final round of appeals and asked that his execution be set within 120 days. McVeigh was convicted of the April 1995 truck bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Fedal Building in Oklahoma City, OK, that killed 168 and injured 500. 2000 The Texas Rangers signed Alex Rodriguez to a record breaking 10-year, $252 million contract. The contract amount broke all major league baseball records and all professional sports records. 2001 Gerardo Hernandez was sentenced to life in prison for being the leader of a Cuban spy ring. His conviction was based on his role in the infiltration of U.S. military bases and in the deaths of four Cuban-Americans whose planes were shot down five years before. 2001 In Beverly Hills, CA, actress Winona Ryder was arrested at Saks Fifth Avenue for shoplifting and possessing pharmaceutical drugs without a prescription. The numerous items of clothing and hair accessories were valued at $4,760. 2002 North Korea announced that it would reactivate a nuclear power plant that U.S. officials believed was being used to develop weapons. 2017 Do smiled. |
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