Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, March 11 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Delray Woman arrested for biting boyfriend, battering police ___________________________________________________ Today, March 10 in 537 The Goths began their siege on Rome. ____________________________________________________ There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn. --- Albert Camus (1913 - 1960) ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Buddy & Jackie for this one: I heard about a lady who was speeding and an officer pulled her to the side of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?" "Yes, I do, officer," she replied. "Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?" ____________________________________________________ A wife one evening drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple ? How loving they are ? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that ? she asked. The husband replied "I tried that once, but she slapped me." ____________________________________________________ March 9, 2021: This big, beautiful and blue galaxy is formally known as NGC 2336. In this image, captured by the Hubble Space Telescope, you can see the barred spiral galaxy, which lies about 100 million light-years away in the constellation Camelopardalis (the Giraffe), stretching across the cosmos, with a "wingspan" measuring about 200,000 light- years. -- Chelsea Gohd ___________________________________________________ ===From Jennifer can you send me tyhe joke about the man who goes into church asking for the head hog at the trough and the secretary gets upset because of the man calling the pastor a hog etc. will you email me the joke again? thanks Jennifer==== Sure. That one has been a favorite and been asked for quite a few times since I first featured it in 94. Here it is: One day a man called the church office. He said, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?" The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, "I'm sorry, who?" The caller repeated, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?" She said, "Well, if you mean the preacher, then you may refer to him as 'Pastor,' or 'Brother,' but I prefer that you not refer to him as the 'head hog at the trough'!" To this the man replied, "Well, I was planning on giving $100,000 to the building fund...." To this the secretary quickly responded "Hang on, I think the big fat pig just waddled in!" __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Josie Cooper, 20, Delray, Florida, USA Delray Woman arrested for biting boyfriend, battering police A Delray Beach woman who allegedly bit her boyfriend and kicked police officers is facing multiple charges following her arrest by Delray Beach Police. Josie Cooper, 20, of the 4700 block of Citation Drive in Delray is charged with battery on an officer, battery touch or strike, and resist officer with violence. According to police, Coopers boyfriend screamed in his apartment for someone to call police. That led a neighbor to call 911. When police arrived, Officers made contact with Cooper (and her boyfriend) and could visibly see bite and scratch marks on the boyfriend. Cooper had redness and bruising on her forehead above her right eye. Post Miranda, Cooper stated she and (her boyfriend) got into an article that turned physical. Cooper stated she started to punch (her boyfriend) with a closed fist multiple times before (the boyfriend) grabbed her by her hair and slammed her into the wall with her head. Cooper stated she then lost control and started physically attacking and hitting (her boyfriend). The report adds, (the boyfriend) stated he and Cooper got into an argument that turned physical. (The boyfriend) stated he was trying to push Cooper off him as she was biting him. As officers attempted to place Cooper into handcuffs and place her in the rear of the marked patrol vehicle, Cooper allegedly continued to actively resist officers. Police say she kicked officers multiple times as she failed to comply to stay seated in the police car. Cooper was booked into the Palm Beach County and later released on $2,000 bond. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Jan Re: Irish Fruitcake Dear Webby Have you still got your Irish Fruitcake recipe somewhere ? I lost the URL for it. and need it for St Patrick's Day. Gina Dear Gina I sure do. The permanent location for it is at http://webby.com/humor/irish-fruitcake.html Have FUN! DearWebby A man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the SNOW SHOVEL !" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ At one point in my life I had considered joining the Baptist Church. For those of you who don't know, the Baptists practice total body immersion to baptize a person. Luckily I even knew a minister in that faith, having dated his daughter, and I asked him if he would consider performing the service. He paused a minute or two, gave me a long thoughtful look and said, "If you're serious about this, a dipping just won't do it for you. We'll have to find a place to anchor you overnight." ____________________________________________ A Priest at a Church picnic was staring at a member of his parish wearing the tiniest of bikinis. A Nun walked over and said, "Shame on you Father, staring at that woman like that!" The Priest replied, "Sister Mary Elizabeth, I know that you are on a diet, and yet I saw you ogling the buffet." ____________________________________________ Trying to control her frizzy and dry hair, Kay treated her scalp with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave an odor than that her hair obviously needed it, she washed her hair several times with strong soap. That night when Kay went to bed, she leaned over to her husband and asked, "Do I smell like olive oil?" "Why ?" he asked, pulling back. "Do I smell like Popeye?" ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ Today, March 11 in 537 The Goths began their siege on Rome. 1302 The characters Romeo and Juliet were married this day according to William Shakespeare. 1649 The peace of Rueil was signed between the Frondeurs (rebels) and the French government. 1665 A new legal code was approved for the Dutch and English towns, guaranteeing religious observances unhindered. 1702 The Daily Courant, the first regular English newspaper was published. 1791 Samuel Mulliken became the first person to receive more than one patent from the U.S. Patent Office. 1810 The Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was married by proxy to Archduchess Marie Louise of Austria. 1824 The U.S. War Department created the Bureau of Indian Affairs. Seneca Indian Ely Parker became the first Indian to lead the Bureau. 1845 Seven hundred Maoris led by their chief, Hone-Heke, burned the small town of Kororareka. The act was in protest to the settlement of Maoriland by Europeans, which was a breach of the 1840 Treaty of Waitangi. 1861 A Confederate Convention was held in Montgomery, Alabama, where a new constitution was adopted. 1865 Union General William Sherman and his forces occupied Fayetteville, NC. 1867 In Hawaii, the volcano Great Mauna Loa erupted. 1888 The "Blizzard of '88" began along the U.S. Atlantic Seaboard shutting down communication and transportation lines. More than 400 people died.(March 11-14) 1900 British Prime Minister Lord Salisbury rejected the peace overtures offered from the Boer leader Paul Kruger. 1901 Britain rejected an amended treaty to the canal agreement with Nicaragua. 1901 U.S. Steel was formed when industrialist J.P. Morgan purchased Carnegie Steel Corp. The event made Andrew Carnegie the world's richest man. 1904 After 30 years of drilling, the north tunnel under the Hudson River was holed through. The link was between Jersey City, NJ, and New York, NY. 1905 The Parisian subway was officially inaugurated. 1907 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt induced California to revoke its anti-Japanese legislation. 1907 In Bulgaria, Premier Nicolas Petkov was killed by an anarchist. 1930 Babe Ruth signed a two-year contract with the New York Yankees for the sum of $80,000. 1935 The German Air Force became an official department of the Reich. 1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt authorized the Lend-Lease Act, which authorized the act of providing war supplies to the Allies. 1946 Communists and Nationalists began fighting as the Soviets pulled out of Mukden, Manchuria. 1946 Pravda denounced Winston Churchill as anti-Soviet and a warmonger. 1965 The American navy began inspecting Vietnamese junks in an effort to end arms smuggling to the South. 1969 Levi-Strauss started selling bell-bottomed jeans. 1978 Bobby Hull (Winnipeg Jets) joined Gordie Howe by getting his 1,000th career goal. 1985 Mikhail Gorbachev was named the new chairman of the Soviet Communist Party. 1988 A cease-fire was declared in the war between Iran and Iraq. 1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet Union. It was the first Soviet republic to break away from Communist control. 1990 In Chile, Patricio Aylwin was sworn in as the first democratically elected president since 1973. 1992 Former U.S. President Nixon said that the Bush administration was not giving enough economic aid to Russia. 1993 Janet Reno was unanimously confirmed by the U.S. Senate to become the first female attorney general. 1993 North Korea withdrew from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty refusing to open sites for inspection. 1994 In Chile, Eduardo Frei was sworn in as President. It was the first peaceful transfer of power in Chile since 1970. 1997 An explosion at a nuclear waste reprocessing plant caused 35 workers to be exposed to low levels of radioactivity. The incident was the worst in Japan's history. 1998 The International Astronomical Union issued an alert that said that a mile-wide asteroid could come very close to, and possibly hit, Earth on Oct. 26, 2028. The next day NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that there was no chance the asteroid would hit Earth. 2002 Two columns of light were pointed skyward from ground zero in New York as a temporary memorial to the victims of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. 2021 Do smiled.
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