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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, November 25, in 1867, Alfred Nobel patented dynamite. ____________________________________________________ Bonehed Award: Woman Sprayed Oxy Clean In Childs Eyes _____________________________________________________ Q Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. --- H. H. Williams The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern. --- Lord Acton Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. --- Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945) Adventure is just bad planning. --- Roald Amundsen (1872 - 1928) My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers. --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) ------Yeah, me too. ____________________________________________________ Sam and Greg lived in a retirement center and were sitting on a bench under a tree when Greg turned to the Sam and said, "Sam, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Sam says, "Well, I feel just like a newborn baby." Greg Said, "Really! Like a baby!" To which Sam replied, "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet myself." __________________________________________________ A golfer is playing a round of golf with his buddies. On the sixth hole, a hole over water, he proceeds to flub nine balls into the water. Frustrated over his poor golfing ability, and about ready to hit somebody, he heaves his golf clubs into the water, and begins to walk off the course. Then all of a sudden he turns around and jumps into the lake, his buddies apparently thinking he is going to retrieve his clubs. When he comes out of the water he doesn't have his clubs and begins to walk off the course. Then one of his buddies asks, "Why did you jump into the lake?" He said, "I had left my car keys in the bag." __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock: An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Mi Jeon, Boca Raton, Florida, USA Woman Sprayed Oxy Clean In Childs Eyes Boca Raton resident Mi Jeon is facing a child abuse charge after she allegedly sprayed Oxy Clean in the eyes of a six- year-old girl. The girl is related to an acquaintance of Jeon. According to a police report reviewed by BocaNewsNow.com, Jeon yelled at the child for making a mess, then sprayed Oxy Clean Stain Remover in the childs eyes. Incredibly, the entire incident was captured on a home security camera. The video was turned over to Boca Raton Police investigators. The report says the girl was seen rubbing her eyes and crying after she was sprayed. Jeon then wipes the spray off and continues to yell at the child. Mi Jeon was booked into the Palm Beach County Jail on a charge of cruelty to child abuse child without great bodily harm. Bond was set at $10,000. She was also charged with one count of battery. Jeon, who lives in the 6100 block of NW 32nd Court in Boca Raton, remains locked up following her arrest on November 18th. ___________________________________________________ Jennil Modar Badger, east of here ___________________________________________________ A man sitting in the bar found that the front of his trousers was all wet. Turning to the man on his right he asked, "Did you pour beer on my trousers?" "Nope," came the reply. Then, turning to the man on his left, he asked, "Did you pour beer on my trousers?" The man also replied, "Nope." "Oops, it must have been an inside job." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ The primary school teacher was preparing the class for their annual concert. Some children were to sing songs, others recite poetry and some to play musical instruments. Little Alfie had just come down from the country and the teacher asked him if he would like to do some farmyard impressions. Alfie thought this was a great idea. On the night of the concert, Alfie nervously walked onto the stage. "Farmyard noises," he announced. Then, cupping his hands to his mouth, he yelled at the top of his voice, "Get off that fuckin' tractor! Shut the fuckin' gate! Get that fuckin' calf outa the yard!" _______________________________________________ Greg: Why did you sell that brand new pressure cooker at your yard sale? Sam: It may look like a pressure cooker to you, but in the hands of my wife, it's a secret weapon. Last Wednesday, she shot a pot roast into outer space! __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Keli and Wendy were sitting around having a woman to woman chat around the campfire having a smoke. Keli looked at Wendy and asked, "Do you smoke after sex?" Wendy responded, "I don't know, I have never thought to check!" ___________________________________________________ A distinguished clergyman and a friend were playing golf. It was a very close match, and at the last hole the clergyman teed up, addressed the ball, and swung his driver with great force. The ball, instead of sailing down the fairway, merely rolled off the tee and settled slowly some twelve feet away. The clergyman frowned, glared, and bit his lip, but said nothing. His opponent regarded him for a moment, and then remarked: "Reverend, that is the most profane silence I have ever witnessed." __________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Gina Re: Irish Fruitcake Dear Webby DHave you still got your Irish Fruitcake recipe somewhere ? I lost the URL for it. and need it urgently. Gina Dear Gina I sure do. The permanent location for it is at http://webby.com/humor/irish-fruitcake.html Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Motorola, a major player in the cell phone industry, is introducing a tiny necklace cell phone for women. It's on a chain and it's worn around a woman's neck and hangs down right to a woman's cleavage. The only problem women have with it; when it rings, every guy in the room yells, 'I'll get it.' _____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, November 25, in 1715, Sybilla Thomas Masters became the first American to be granted an English patent for cleaning and curing Indian corn. 1758, During the French and Indian War, the British captured Fort Duquesne at what is now known as Pittsburgh. 1783, During the Revolutionary War, the British evacuated New York. New York was their last military position in the U.S. 1837, William Crompton patented the silk power loom. 1850, Texas relinquished one-third of its territory in exchange for $10 million from the U.S. to pay its public debts and settle border disputes. 1867, Alfred Nobel patented dynamite. 1884, J.B. Meyenberg received the patent for evaporated milk. 1936, The Anti-Comintern Pact, an agreement between Japan and Germany, was signed. 1947, Movie studio executives meeting in New York agreed to blacklist the "Hollywood 10," who were cited a day earlier and jailed for contempt of Congress when they failed to cooperate with the House Un-American Activities Committee. 1952, Agatha Christie's "The Mousetrap" opened in London. 1955, In the U.S., the Interstate Commerce Commission banned racial segregation on interstate trains and buses. 1957, U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower suffered a stroke. 1970, Japanese author Yukio Mishima committed ritual suicide after giving a speech attacking Japan's post-war constitution. 1973, Greek President George Papadapoulos was ousted in military coup. 1976, O.J. Simpson (Buffalo Bills) ran for 273 yards against the Detroit Lions. 1983, Mediators from Syria and Saudi Arabia announced a cease- fire in the PLO civil war in Tripoli, Lebanon. 1985, Ronald W. Pelton was arrested on espionage charges. Pelton was a former employee of the National Security Agency. He was later convicted of 'selling secrets' to Soviet agents. 1986, U.S. President Reagan and Attorney Gen. Edwin Meese revealed that profits from secret arms sales to Iran had been diverted to rebels in Nicaragua. National Security Advisor John Poindexter resigned and Oliver North was fired. 1990, Poland held its first popular presidential election. 1992, The Czech parliament voted to split the country into separate Czech and Slovak republics beginning January 1, 1993. 1993, Egyptian Prime Minister Atef Sedki escaped an attempt on his life when a bomb was detonated by Islamic militants near his motorcade. 1995, Serbs protested in the streets of the Bosnian capital Sarajevo The protest was against a peace plan. 1998, Britain's highest court ruled that former Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet, whose extradition was being sought by Spain, could not claim immunity from prosecution for the crimes he committed during his rule. 1998, President Jiang Zemin arrived in Tokyo for the first visit to Japan by a Chinese head of state since World War II. 1998, The IMF (International Monetary Fund) approved a $5.5 billion bailout for Pakistan. 2022 Do smiled.
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