Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, March 7 Thank you Claude! Today's Bonehead Award:  ______________________________________________________ Today, March 7 in 1935 Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 276.8 mph in Florida. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp. --- Joan Rivers (1935 - ) Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. --- Elbert Hubbard Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.... --- Carl Zwanzig Gore is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts. --- Richard Brinsley Sheridan ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Little Willie asked his mother: "Mamma, don't soldiers ever go to heaven?" Of course they do!" protested his mother. "What makes you ask?" There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards." Oh, that's because most MEN who go to Heaven get there by a close shave." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ A man's house is on fire. No help is in sight so he takes matters into his own hands. He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside. Then he runs back in and gets is daughter and brings her ouside. Then his wife. Then the dog. Then the cat. Then he goes back in "3 more times" without bringing out anybody or anything. So a bystander is curious and asks him, "Why do you keep going back into your burning house and not coming out with anything?" The man replies, "I'm turning over my mother in law." ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
 If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  Thanks for your votes!
 ___________________________________________________ Reported by Helen R.   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Andrea Baber, 30, Springfield, Oregon  Christian school teacher, who was caught by her husband having sex with her 15-year-old male student is sentenced to 20 months in prison  A Christian school teacher who was caught by her husband having sex with her 15-year-old male student has been sentenced to just 20 months in prison. Andrea Baber, 30, was sentenced in Douglas County on Friday after she was caught having sex with the student in 2017. She pleaded guilty to three counts of third-degree rape and six counts of contributing to the sexual delinquency of a minor. As part of her plea deal, 20 other charges including sodomy and giving marijuana to a minor were dropped. She will also have to register as a sex offender. Baber, who was a teacher at Logos Christian Academy in Springfield, was arrested in 2017 after the victim's father received an anonymous email alerting him to the relationship. The email asked the boy's father if he knew his son was in a sexual relationship with Baber. Several photos were attached to the email that showed Baber and the victim in bed together. The boy's father reported it to police. Separately, Baber's husband also filed a report with child protective services after he found his wife and the boy partially clothed in the couple's bed. Police later found that Baber had sex with the student 'on a regular basis' from 2016 onward. During her sentencing, Baber apologized to the victim and his family. 'I want to extend my apologies to the victim and his family, and I am happy to serve this sentence if it satisfies the victims family, but I know I was not justified,' Baber said, according to the News-Review. In addition to jail time, Baber has also been ordered to pay the victim $1,100 for counseling. Baber was an English teacher at Logos Christian Academy in Springfield when she started having sex with the 15-year-old student.  
 From: Stacy Re: IP numbers of postcard senders  Dear DearWebby To Whom It May Concern: Please advise who I need to send a preservation letter to in order to secure the sender IP address of the following Internet Greeting cards that were sent from .......... Detective Stacy H........ Domestic Violence Unit City of........  Dear Stacy Just reveal the header of the pick-up notice. You will see a line starting with X-STAMP. That line gives you all the gory details that you need. The date and time is in EST. It even tells you what kind of browser and what version the perp used. We invented and instituted that X-Stamp in 1995 to help people like you to find and stop abusers. Have Fun! DearWebby  
  Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 >From Lisa When I was 28, I was teaching English in a high school where occasionally the faculty and staff were allowed to dress down. One of those days I donned a sweatshirt and slacks. A student came in, and his eyes widened. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "You should wear clothes like that every day. You look twenty, maybe even thirty years younger. 
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 "Johnny," said his teacher, "if coal is selling at $6 a ton and you pay your dealer $24, how many tons will he bring you?" "A little over three tons, ma'am," said Johnny. "Why, Johnny, that isn't right," said the teacher. "No, ma'am, I know it isn't," said Johnny, "but they all do it." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Sap on Your Car The harder the sap gets, the tougher it is to remove and the more likely it is to scratch your car's finish. Make a paste with a mild abrasive like baking soda and apply to the sap, then rub it with a rag until the sap is removed. Other products you can try are mayonnaise or WD-40.  Thriftyfun.com   ____________________________________________________   
  
Umbrella Magic! 
 ___________________________________________________ The day I started my construction job, I was in the office filling out an employee form when I came to the section that asked: Single____, Married____, Divorced____. I marked single. Glancing at the man next to me, who was also filling out his form, I noticed he hadn't marked any of the blanks. Instead he had written, 'Yes, in that order.' ___________________________________________________ >From Ed Our supervisor recently made a casual comment about my shaggy mane. He then went on to extol the virtues of a good haircut, which, he insisted, makes an elderly man look younger, and a younger man seem more mature. "How would a haircut make a middle-aged man like me appear?" I asked, trying to stump him. "Still employed," he answered. ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Consider the man who couldn't make up his mind what to order, no matter how long and hard he studied the menu. Finally, he turned to the waiter for help. "Well," said the waiter, "today our special is chicken on a bed of wild rice with green beans almondine and a nice side salad, with a succulent shrimp cocktail and your choice of beverage and dessert." "That sounds great. How is your chicken prepared?" "We break it to her very gently and tell her it's nothing personal!" ___________________________________________________  
 Today March 7 in 0322 BC Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died. 1774 The British closed the port of Boston to all commerce. That did not go over well! 1799 In Palestine, Napoleon captured Jaffa and his men massacred more than 2,000 Albanian prisoners. 1848 In Hawaii, the Great Mahele was signed. 1849 The Austrian Reichstag was dissolved. 1854 Charles Miller received a patent for the sewing machine. 1876 Alexander Graham Bell received a patent (U.S. Patent No. 174,465) for his telephone. 1901 A grand jury indicted four citizens of Anderson, SC, that had been operating a slavery system in parts of South Carolina. It was determined that many African-Americans were captured while traveling, were jailed and then sent to work for local landowners. 1904 The Japanese bombed the Russian town of Vladivostok. 1904 In Springfield, OH, a mob broke into a jail and shot a black man accused of murder. 1906 Finland granted women the right to vote. 1908 Cincinnati's Mayor Leopold Markbreit announced before the city council that, "Women are not physically fit to operate automobiles." 1911 Willis Farnworth patented the coin-operated locker. 1911 In the wake of the Mexican Revolution, the U.S. sent 20,000 troops to the border of Mexico. 1918 Finland signed an alliance treaty with Germany. 1925 The Soviet Red Army occupied Outer Mongolia. 1927 A Texas law that banned Negroes from voting was ruled unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court. 1933 CBS radio debuted "Marie The Little French Princess." It was the first daytime radio serial. 1933 The board game Monopoly was invented. 1935 Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 276.8 mph in Florida. 1936 Hitler sent German troops into the German Rhineland in violation of the Locarno Pact and the Treaty of Versailles. 1942 Japanese troops landed on New Guinea. 1945 During World War II, U.S. forces crossed the Rhine River at Remagen, Germany. 1947 John L. Lewis declared that only a totalitarian regime could prevent strikes. 1951 U.N. forces in Korea under General Matthew Ridgeway launched Operation Ripper against the Chinese. 1954 Russia appeared for the first time in ice-hockey competition. Russia defeated Canada 7-2 to win the world ice- hockey title in Stockholm, Sweden. 1955 "Peter Pan" was presented as a television special for the first time. 1955 Baseball commissioner Ford Frick said that he was in favor of legalizing the spitball. 1955 Phyllis Diller made her debut at the Purple Onion in San Francisco, CA. 1959 Melvin C. Garlow became the first pilot to fly over a million miles in jet airplanes. 1965 State troopers and a sheriff's posse broke up a march by civil rights demonstrators in Selma, AL. 1968 The Battle of Saigon came to an end. 1971 A thousand U.S. planes bombed Cambodia and Laos. 1975 The U.S. Senate revised the filibuster rule. The new rule allowed 60 senators to limit debate instead of the previous two- thirds. 1981 Anti-government guerrillas in Colombia executed the kidnapped American Bible translator Chester Allen Bitterman. The guerrillas accused Bitterman of being a CIA agent. 1985 The first AIDS antibody test, an ELISA-type test, was released. 1987 Mike Tyson became the youngest heavyweight titleholder when he beat James Smith in a decision during a 12-round fight in Las Vegas, NV. 1989 Poland accused the Soviet Union of a World War II massacre in Katyn. 1994 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that parodies that poke fun at an original work can be considered "fair use" that does not require permission from the copyright holder. 1994 In Moldova, a referendum was rejected by 90% of voters to form a union with Rumania. 1999 In El Salvador, Francisco Flores Prez of the ruling Nationalist Republican Alliance (Arena) was elected president. 2002 A federal judge awarded Anna Nicole Smith more than $88 million in damages. The ruling was the latest in a legal battle over the estate of Smith's late husband, J. Howard Marshall II. 2003 Scientists at the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center announced that they had transferred 6.7 gigabytes of uncompressed data from Sunnvale, CA, to Amsterdam, Netherlands, in 58 seconds. The data was sent via fiber-optic cables and traveled 6,800 miles. 2009 NASA's Kepler Mission, a space photometer for searching for extrasolar planets in the Milky Way galaxy, was launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, Florida. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them
in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog