| Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, May 10 ___________________________________________________ History: Today, May 10 2017, Apple's stock market value exceeded the $500 billion mark. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Minnesota dope found guilty of moving big drug haul _____________________________________________________ Q We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming. --- Wernher von Braun (1912 - 1977) Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. --- Peter De Vries Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories - those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost. --- Russell Baker (1925 - ) ___________________________________________________ The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if we're at the right funeral." ______________________________________________________ Sven and Ole worked together and both were laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. Asked his occupation, Ole said, "Panty stitcher; I sew the elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay. Sven was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Sven $600 a week. When Ole found out, he was furious! He stormed back into the unemployment office to find out why his friend and co- worker was collecting twice his pay. The clerk explained that panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor. "What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on, Sven pulls it over his head and says.......Yep, diesel fitter!" ______________________________________________________ Rory McAlduff My favorite grizzly shot from 2022. June, kananaskis. Got to spend about 1.5 hours alone with mom and triplets while they munched and I laid in the grass with them. _____________________________________________________ >From Eve Men Bashing ~ If you want a nice man, go for a bald one ... they try harder. ~ Go for younger men. You might as well ... they never mature anyway. ~ A woman's work that is never done, is the stuff she asked her husband to do. ~ Women don't make fools of men ... most of them are the do-it-yourself types. ~ Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men ... a woman. ~ There are a lot of words you can use to describe men ... strong,caring, loving ... they'd be wrong but you could still use them! ~ Men's brains are like the prison system ... not enough cells per man. ~ Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too. ~ Men are like animals ... messy, insensitive and potentially violent but they make great pets! ~ Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is. ~ Husbands are like children ... they're fine if they're someone else's. ~ The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you've gotten sick of him. ~ Men are all the same ... they just have different faces so you can tell them apart. __________________________________________________ A Catholic boy was bragging to his Jewish friend. "My priest knows more than your rabbi." "Of course he does," said the Jewish boy. "You tell him everything." ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ Two men were at the bar talking about marriage. "I'm seriously thinking about tying the knot," said Jim. His buddy, Bob told him, "You may wish to consider contacting a local group. With the divorce rate so high in America, a new organization has been formed called, "Marriage Anonymous." "Oh really?" Jim said, "What do they do?" "Whenever a man feels like getting married, they send over a woman wearing a torn house-coat, with curlers in her hair and cream on her face, and she tries to nag him out of it,".Bob replied. ____________________________________________________ Little Gary asked the librarian how to use the card catalog. After pouring over the little drawers full of cards Gary approached the librarian again, wanting to know how to spell "tequila." "T-e-q-u-i-l-a," spelled the librarian, and Little went back to the search. A short time later Gary came to the desk, looking quite upset. "I just can't find it." "What book are you looking for?" the librarian asked. "Tequila Mockingbird." ___________________________________________________ A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a Democrat gathering, and Anni, his hostess, naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Anni asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" Anni questioned. "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' Anni thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history." ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From Infected by Edge DearWebby, I had a good laugh about Helen and her jury duty scammer. Serves him right! New question: Edge Browser My W10 suddenly rebooted for no reason at all, like it does now and then just to remind me who owns me and my computer, and it came up with the Microsoft Edge browser. I was totally pissed about having that installed without asking me. Is it scam ware? Or is it safe enough? I am normally using Chrome and FireFox. Evie Dear Evie I agree it is very rude and uncivilized to install that on you without asking. However, it seems to copy most of your settings and bookmarks from Chrome, and do it's best to hide the fact, that you are no longer in Chrome. About the only way you can tell that Microsoft is now controlling and recording your browsing is by clicking the 3 little dots in the right hand top. In there, at the very bottom they timidly admit that you are in Edge. It seems rather sleazy, but it works OK and gets along with W10. Nothing to panic about. They are not spying on you any more than Chrome was, but since you are not a dope dealing terrorist anymore, don't worry about it. Dear Webby ___________________________________________________ A pastor and two of his deacons are out on the river fishing in their rowboat. Twelve o'clock rolls around, and one of the deacons notices a nice spot on the bank to have lunch. He turns to the others and says, "That looks like a nice spot for lunch. What do you say we have lunch over there?" The other deacon agrees, and so does the pastor. The deacon stands up in the boat, steps out onto the river and walks over to the bank. The pastor looks on with amazement, and thinks to himself, if his deacon is holy enough to walk on water, surely he can. The other deacon stands up, picks up the picnic basket, steps out of the boat, and walks over to the bank and sits with the first deacon. Again, the pastor thinks, if his second deacon is holy enough to walk on water, surely he can. The pastor stands up, steps out of the boat, and falls right into the water. While he's splashing around the first deacon turns to the second and says, "Think we should have told him where the tree stumps are?" __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ A pair of congressmen met for lunch to hash out their political differences. Ten minutes into the meal, one angrily pounded the table. "You're lying!" he shouted. "Of course I'm lying," the other said, "but hear me out." __________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD reported by Rock, has been earned by Illinois, USA Minnesota dope found guilty of moving big drug haul MORAN SANCHEZ DARIELN 25, Maplewood, Minnesota, Now in Kane County Jail Illinois Minnesota man is being found guilty in a trial-by- judge in a Kane County drug case. The Kane County State's Attorney's Office says that 25-year-old Darieln A. Moran Sanchez, of Maplewood, Minnesota, was transporting over $60,000 in drugs on I-90 back in September of 2020 when he was pulled over for an alleged traffic violation leading to search of his vehicle. Police are said to have found 1,005 grams of cocaine, 446 grams of methamphetamine, and 200 grams of hydrocodone pills. The state's attorney's office says that Moran Sanchez admitted to being paid to transport the drugs to Minnesota. His teenage son and toddler daughter were in the vehicle at the time. Moran Sanchez is facing a minimum sentence of 25 years. He's due back in court next month. Moran Sanchez has been held in the Kane County Jail in lieu of posting bail. ____________________________________________________ Today, May 10 in 1503 - Christopher Columbus discovered the Cayman Islands. 1676, In Virginia, Bacon's Rebellion began. Nathaniel Bacon led the the rebellion which pitted frontiersmen against the government. 1768, The imprisonment of the journalist John Wilkes as an outlaw provoked violence in London. Wilkes was returned to parliament as a member for Middlesex. 1773, The English Parliament passed the Tea Act, which taxed all tea in the American colonies. The legislation led to the Boston Tea Party. 1774, Louis XVI ascended the throne of France. 1775, Ethan Allen and Colonel Benedict Arnold led an attack on the British Fort Ticonderoga and captured it from the British. 1796, Napoleon Bonaparte won a brilliant victory against the Austrians at Lodi bridge in Italy. 1824, In London, the National Gallery opened to the public. 1840, Mormon leader Joseph Smith moved his band of followers to Illinois to escape the hostilities they had experienced in Missouri. 1857, The Seepoys of India revolted against the British Army. 1865, Confederate President Jefferson Davis was captured by Union troops near Irvinville, GA. 1869, Central Pacific and Union Pacific Rail Roads meet in Promontory, UT. A golden spike was driven in at the celebration of the first transcontinental railroad in the U.S. 1876, Richard Wagners "Centennial Inaugural March" was heard for the first time at the Centennial Exposition in Philadelphia, PA. 1898, A vending machine law was enacted in Omaha, NE. It cost $5,000 for a permit. 1904, In Germany, the Horch & Cie. Motorwagenwerke AG was founded. It would eventually become the Audi company. 1908, The first Mother's Day observance took place during a church service in Grafton, West Virginia. 1922, American captain Edmund Fanning discovered Kingman Reef between the Hawaiian Islands and American Somoa. 1924, J. Edgar Hoover was appointed head of the Bureau of Investigation. The department became known as the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI). 1927, The Hotel Statler in Boston, MA. became the first hotel to install radio headsets in each of its 1,300 rooms. 1928, WGY-TV in Schenectady, NY, began regular television programming. 1930, The Adler Planetarium opened to the public in Chicago, IL. 1933, The Nazis staged massive public book burnings in Germany. 1940, Germany invaded Belgium, France, the Netherlands, and Luxembourg. 1941, England's House of Commons was destroyed by a German air raid. 1941, Rudolf Hess, Adolf Hitler's deputy, parachuted into Scotland on what he claimed was a peace mission. 1942, U.S. forces in the Philippines began to surrender to the Japanese. 1943, U.S. troops invaded Attu in the Aleutian Islands to expel the Japanese. 1960, The U.S.S. Triton completed the first circumnavigation of the globe under water. The trip started on February 16. 1962, Marvel Comics published the first issue of "The Incredible Hulk." 1968, Preliminary Vietnam peace talks began in Paris. 1969, The National and American Football Leagues announced their plans to merge for the 1970-71 season. 1978, Britain's Princess Margaret and the Earl of Snowdon announced they were divorcing after 18 years of marriage. 1982, Elliott Gould made his dramatic television debut after 30 movies in 17 years. He starred in "The Rules of Marriage" on CBS-TV. 1986, Navy Lt. Commander Donnie Cochran became the first black pilot to fly with the Blue Angels team. 1994, Nelson Mandela was sworn in as South Africas first black president. 1997, An earthquake in northeastern Iran killed at least 2,400 people. 1999, China broke off talks on human rights with the U.S. in response to NATO's accidental bombing of the Chinese Embassy in Yugoslavia. 1999, The Cezanne painting "Still Life With Curtain, Pitcher and Bowl of Fruit" sold for 60.5 million. 2000, 11,000 residents were evacuated in Los Alamos, NM, due to a fire that was blown into a canyon. The fire had been deliberately set to clear brush. 2001, Boeing Co. announced that it would be moving its headquarters to Chicago, IL. 2001, In Ghana, 121 people were killed in a stampede at a soccer game. 2002, Robert Hanssen was sentenced to life in prison with no chance for parole. Hanssen, an FBI agent, had sold U.S. secrets to Moscow for $1.4 million in cash and diamonds. 2002, Taiwan test fired a locally made Sky Bow II surface-to-air missile for the first time. They also fired three U.S.-made Hawk missiles. 2002, Dr. Pepper announced that it would be introducing a new flavor, Red Fusion, for the first time in 117 years. 2011, It was announced that Microsoft had closed a deal to purchase the internet phone service Skype for $8.5 billion. 2013, In New York, NY, crane operators hoisted the final pieces of the spire atop One World Trade Center (formerly called the Freedom Tower). 2013, The IRS (Internal Revenue Service) apologized for the "inappropriate" targeting of conservative political groups about their tax-exempt status during the 2012 election. 2016, NASA announced that it's Kepler mission had verified 1,284 new planets. This was the single largest finding of planets to date. 2017, Apple's stock market value exceeded the $500 billion mark. 2023, Do smiled.
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