| Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, March 13 ___________________________________________________ History: on this day, March 13, in 1925, A law in Tennessee prohibited the teaching of evolution. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Oregon murder suspect escapes courthouse __________________________________________________ Q You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand. --- Leonardo da Vinci (1452 - 1519) ________________________________________________ An older gentleman accidentally overturns his golf cart. Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lives in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: Are you okay? Whats your name? Its John, and Im okay, thanks, he replies as he pulled himself out of the twisted cart. John, she said, (firm loose breasts undulating beneath her white silky robe) forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and Ill help you get the cart up later? Thats mighty nice of you, he answered, but I dont think my wife would like it. Oh, come on now, Elizabeth insisted She was so very pretty, very sexy and very persuasive John was weak. Well okay, he finally agreed but he thought to himself, my wife wont like it. After a couple of restorative Scotch and waters, he thanks Elizabeth. I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset. So Id best go now he stammers. Dont be silly! Elizabeth said with a smile, letting her robe fall open slightly. She wont know anything. By the way, where is she? John replies Still under the cart, I guess. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ "Flight 1234," the control tower advised, "turn right 45 degrees for noise abatement, RIGHT NOW!." "Roger," the pilot responded, "but we're at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir," the radar man replied, "have you ever heard the noise you get when a 727 gooses a 767?" ________________________________________________ A couple went out for a romantic dinner for their anniversary. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting. When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn't do!" "Something that THEY would not do.....", the husband mused, "I suppose, we could clean the house." __________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a con- ciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right." He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first. "I'm wrong," she said. The last thing he remembers is saying: "You're right!" ________________________________________________ The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking my shower when I heard my wife call out to me from the kitchen. "The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it." "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower "You can reset it yourself!" "I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence. I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. That is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like kitten claws. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. The sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold. At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?" If they had only known. ____________________________________________________ What the DUCK are those? They are NOT mine! ____________________________________________________ Mike's parents have four children. Their names are Penny, Dime and Quarter. What is the fourth child's name? ___________________________________________________ Chandler wasn't too happy with his doctor's recommendation to cure his constant fatigue. "You want me to give up sex completely, Doc?" he cried. "I'm a young guy. I'm in the prime of my life. How do you expect me to give up sex and go cold turkey?" "Well," replied the doctor, "you could get married and taper off gradually." ___________________________________________________ These quotes were taken from actual employee performance evaluations in a large U.S. Corporation. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom ...and has started to dig deeper." His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity." Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't-be'." He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them." This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot." This young lady has delusions of adequacy." This employee should go far... and the sooner he starts, the better." I would like to go hunting with him sometime." He certainly takes a long time to make his point pointless." If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week." He's been working with glue too much." Donated his brain to science before he was done using it." Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming." Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it." If you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change." She would argue with a signpost." He has a knack for making strangers immediately." He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room." If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans." When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell." If you see two people talking and one of them looks bored, he's the other one." Some drink from the fountain of knowledge...he only gargled." It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg." One neuron short of a synapse." Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes." When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet." Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingie to hold it all together." The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead." __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Edi Villalobos Jr., 28, Hillsboro, Oregon, USA Oregon murder suspect escapes courthouse Courthouse surveillance video shows an Oregon murder suspect sprinting away from bailiffs after they unshackled him in court a requirement under state law then escaping the building and prompting a massive manhunt. Edi Villalobos Jr., a 28-year-old accused of murder and a slew of other felonies, was supposed to stand before the court for the start of his trial. Instead, he ran down the hallway and out an employees-only exit, video shows. "Per Oregon law, the deputies removed all restraints from Villalobos during the jury selection process," the Washington County Sheriff's Office said in a statement. "At around 11 a.m., the court took a break, and restraints were placed back on Villalobos. When the break ended, deputies again removed all restraints from Villalobos, as directed by Oregon Law." The incident happened on Feb. 28, but the sheriff's office made the video public Thursday. After a roughly two-hour manhunt, police arrested him in a Hillsboro apartment, where a neighbor called 911 to report they heard someone trying to break in, according to the sheriff's office. "Deputies entered the apartment and located Villalobos hiding in a closet underneath a blanket," the sheriff said. While in custody awaiting his murder trial, Villalobos racked up charges for unlawful possession of a weapon by an inmate and distributing contraband, court records show. Now he faces two new felony burglary charges and another for escaping custody. _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Ginger RE: What happened to Internet Explorer on W10? Dear Webby What happened to my Internet Explorer? While I was busy using Chrome, it seems to have been replaced by Microsoft Edge. Is it okay to download another copy of Internet Explorer or would that mess things up with this Windows 10 ?? Help! Ginger Stick with Chrome or FireFox. It is much more secure than Internet Explorer, and can do everything IE used to do, plus a lot more. Even Microsoft agreed that Internet Explorer is to be retired and forgotten like what you used to do to diapers, so they came up with Edge. You CAN use Internet Explorer on W10, but keep in mind, it is not secure and might attract bad stuff. Just use Chrome. Have FUN! DearWebby _________________________________________________ Today, March 13 0483, St. Felix III began his reign as Pope. 0607, The 12th recorded passage of Halley's Comet occurred. 1519, Cortez landed in Mexico. 1639, Harvard University was named for clergyman John Harvard. 1660, A statute was passed limiting the sale of slaves in the colony of Virginia. 1777, The U.S. Congress ordered its European envoys to appeal to high-ranking foreign officers to send troops to reinforce the American army. 1781, Sir William Herschel discovered the planet Uranus. 1852, The New York "Lantern" newspaper published the first "Uncle Sam cartoon". It was drawn by Frank Henry Bellew. 1865, Jefferson Davis signed a bill authorizing slaves to be used as soldiers for the Confederacy. 1868, The U.S. Senate began the impeachment trial of President Andrew Johnson. 1877, Chester Greenwood patented the earmuff. 1878, The first collegiate golf match was played between Oxford and Cambridge. 1884, Standard time was adopted throughout the U.S. 1900, In South Africa, British Gen. Roberts took Bloemfontein. 1901, Andrew Carnegie announced that he was retiring from business and that he would spend the rest of his days giving away his fortune. His net worth was estimated at $300 million. 1902, In Poland, schools were shut down across the country when students refused to sing the Russian hymn "God Protect the Czar." 1902, Andrew Carnegie approved 40 applications from libraries for donations. 1908, The people of Jerusalem saw an automobile for the first time. The owner was Charles Glidden of Boston. 1911, The U.S. Supreme Court approved corporate tax law. 1915, The Germans repelled a British expeditionary force attack in France. 1918, Women were scheduled to march in the St. Patrick's Day Parade in New York due to a shortage of men due to wartime. 1925, A law in Tennessee prohibited the teaching of evolution. 1930, It was announced that the planet Pluto had been discovered by scientist Clyde Tombaugh at the Lowell Observatory. 1933, U.S. banks began to re-open after a "holiday" that had been declared by President Roosevelt. 1935, Three-thousand-year-old archives were found in Jerusalem confirming some biblical history. 1940, The war between Russia and Finland ended with the signing of a treaty in Moscow. 1941, Adolf Hitler issued an edict calling for an invasion of the U.S.S.R. 1942, Julia Flikke of the Nurse Corps became the first woman colonel in the U.S. Army. 1943, Japanese forces ended their attack on the American troops on Hill 700 in Bougainville. 1946, Reports from Iran indicated that Soviet tanks units were stationed 20 miles from Tehran. 1946, Premier Tito seized wartime collaborator General Draja Mikhailovich in a cave in Yugoslavia. 1951, Israel demanded $1.5 billion in German reparations for the cost of caring for war refugees. 1951, The comic strip "Dennis the Menace" appeared for the first time in newspapers across the country. 1957, Jimmy Hoffa was arrested by the FBI on bribery charges. 1963, China invited Soviet President Khrushchev to visit Peking. 1969, The Apollo 9 astronauts returned to Earth after the conclusion of a mission that included the successful testing of the Lunar Module. 1970, Cambodia ordered Hanoi and Viet Cong troops to leave. 1970, Digital Equipment Corp. introduced the PDP-11 minicomputer. 1972, "The Merv Griffin Show" debuted in syndication for Metromedia Television. 1974, The U.S. Senate voted 54-33 to restore the death penalty. 1974, An embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries was lifted. 1980, A jury in Winamac, IN, found Ford Motor Company innocent of reckless homicide in the deaths of three young women that had been riding in a Ford Pinto. 1988, The board of trustees off Gallaudet University in Washington, DC, chose I. King Jordan to be its first deaf president. The college is a liberal arts college for the hearing-impaired. 1990, The U.S. lifted economic sanctions against Nicaragua. 1991, Exxon paid $1 billion in fines and for the clean-up of the Alaskan oil spill. 1995, The first United Nations World Summit on Social Development concluded in Copenhagen, Denmark. 1997, Sister Nirmala was chosen by India's Missionaries of Charity to succeed Mother Teresa as leader of the Catholic order. 2002, Fox aired "Celebrity Boxing." Tonya Harding beat Paula Jones, Danny Banaduce beat Barry Williams and Todd Bridges defeated Vanilla Ice. 2003, Japan sent a destroyer to the Sea of Japan amid reports that North Korea was planning to test an intermediate-range ballistic missile. 2003, A report in the journal "Nature" reported that scientists had found 350,000-year-old human footprints in Italy. The 56 prints were made by three early, upright- walking humans that were descending the side of a volcano. 2006, In New York, the official start of construction of the National September 11 Memorial & Museum began. 2012, After 244 years of publication, Encyclopdia Britannica announced it would discontinue its print edition. 2023, Do smiled.
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