Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, July 24 _____________________________________________________ Today, July 24 in 1987 Hulda Crooks, at 91 years of age, climbed Mt. Fuji. Hulda became the oldest person to climb Japan's highest peak. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Florida woman arrested for smashing lemon cake into her mother's face How many of you ordered the border patrol or the Patriot patches? Judging by the comments, the "Service Dog" and "Do not Pet" patches seem to be the most popular. Check the backs of your jackets if you hear snickeing or giggling behind you! _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) Humor is just another defense against the universe. --- Mel Brooks (1926 - ) _____________________________________________________ Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?" After a moment's reflection, Johnny said, "Canoe?" ______________________________________________________` _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brittany Mapel, 21, Tampa, Floriduh r Florida woman arrested for smashing lemon cake into her mother's face 21-year-old McDonald's employee is behind bars after allegedly "smashing lemon cake" in her mother's face during a confrontation Friday night in the family's home outside Tampa, Florida. A complaint affidavit does not indicate why Mapel willingly smashed lemon cake in her parent's face. After the alleged cake battery, Mapel snatched a cell phone from her brother's hands and reportedly declared, Nobody is calling the cops today. When police arrived at the family's Holiday residence, they observed the 51-year-old victim's face to be covered in cake, and there to be cake all over the floor. Seen above, Mapel was arrested on a misdemeanor battery count. She was also charged with tampering with a witness, a felony, for allegedly taking her sibling's phone before he could use it to dial 911. A judge has ordered Mapel to have no contact with her mother or brother. Mapel, locked up in lieu of $15,000 bond, has been arrested multiple times over the past two years and her rap sheet includes collars for trespassing, domestic battery, marijuana possession, and providing a false name to police. Last month, Mapel was arrested for slapping and striking her mother in the head with a bottle of mouthwash. Mapel is facing trial for animal cruelty for allegedly kicking and choking her dog after the animal urinated on her bed earlier this year. When police sought to arrest her on a related domestic battery charge, Mapel, cops say, allowed a second dog, a pit bull, to charge at officers, one of whom was bitten by the dog. Mapel then barricaded herself inside her mobile home (she was subsequently apprehended after cops made a forced entry). According to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, Mapel was also arrested last month when she chased her boyfriend with a switchblade knife and slashed the tires on his truck." Sounds like the menace will get a chance to cool it in the slammer for a while. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Jan Re: Internal Server Error Dear Webby, I really enjoy your site.It is the first one I open every day. I have a question I hope you can answer for me.I am not very good at solving computer problems or if I am the cause of them in the first place. Lately my computer says I have a internal error. Sites file is missing or corrupted. To correct this error import a new site file.I have no clue as how to do this.Can you help me out. Thanks Jan Dear Jan "Internal Server Error" is a problem on the site you are visiting. For example, if you are sending a postcard, and you copy the recipient's address from an email, but accidentally also copy a blank space before or after it, you will get an Internal Server Error, because the postcard site can't deal with a wonky address. "Sites file is missing or corrupted" is a typical error message from Lavasoft's AdAware program, after it had gotten damaged by a virus, trojan or spyware. Other programs might possibly use the same error message, but AdAware is the most typical. If you have that program, contact their support and tell them about their "sites file" problem. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. The other day I saw this story about chickens in a magazine. Did you know they have yellow eyes? True. And now some clever person has come up with an idea to fit the chickens with red contact lenses. I know, I know, it sounds weird, but the guy who came up with the idea said it makes them eat less, lay more, and stop hen pecking so much. Of course, once word of this gets around, rose colored glasses are going to be the hottest Christmas gift from husbands to wives. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Rossi was the manager of an upscale men's wear store in a wealthy section of town and was interviewing Abe for the recently advertised salesman role. Rossi looks at Abe's resume and notices that Abe has never worked in retail before. Rossi says to Abe, "What chutzpah, if you don't mind me saying. For someone with no retail experience, you are certainly asking for a high salary." "Well I suppose I am," Abe replies, "but you must understand that the work is so much harder when you don't know what you're doing." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Covered coat hangers Cut or rip old sheets or clothing. that does not have any color that might bleed, into narrow strips. Glue three of them onto the hook stem and let the glue dry. Then braid the three ribbons over the wire. Shorter ribbons will speed up the braiding tremendously. You can always sew or speed-sew on the next length. thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Refrigerator Goals When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for himself: Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work. I promptly added: "Send Michelle money every month." A few days later my brother wrote: "Make payments on car for Jason." Then my boyfriend joined in with: "Buy Tom a Jeep." Finally my father added a new goal to his amended list: "Wean kids." ___________________________________________________ A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress. Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the 'unbreakable' comb for everyone to see and said, "And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside." ___________________________________________________ It was the first camping experience for Jed. As soon as he had pitched his tent, he went for a hike in the woods. In about fifteen minutes he rushed back into camp, bleeding and disheveled. "What happened?" asked a fellow camper. "I was chased by a black snake!" cried the frightened Jed. The camper laughed and retorted, "A black snake isn't deadly." "Listen," groaned Jed, "If he can make you jump off a fifty-foot cliff, he is!" __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
An American visiting in England asked at the hotel for the elevator. The porter looked a bit confused, but smiled when he realized what the man wanted. "You must mean the lift." "No, if I ask for the elevator, I mean the elevator." "Well, over here, we call them lifts." "Now, you listen here. Someone in America invented the elevator." "Oh, right you are, sir. But someone here in England invented the English language." ___________________________________________________ | Today, July 24 in 1847 Mormon leader Brigham Young and his followers arrived in the valley of the Great Salt Lake in present-day Utah. 1847 Richard M. Hoe patented the rotary-type printing press. 1866 Tennessee became the first state to be readmitted to the Union after the U.S. Civil War. 1923 The Treaty of Lausanne, which settled the boundaries of modern Turkey, was concluded in Switzerland. 1929 U.S. President Hoover proclaimed the Kellogg-Briand Pact, which renounced war as an instrument of foreign policy. 1948 Soviet occupation forces in Germany blockaded West Berlin. The U.S.-British airlift began the following day. 1956 Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis ended their team. They ended the partnership a decade after it began on July 25, 1946. 1969 The Apollo 11 astronauts splashed down safely in the Pacific Ocean. 1974 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled that President Nixon had to turn over subpoenaed White House tape recordings to the Watergate special prosecutor. 1987 Hulda Crooks, at 91 years of age, climbed Mt. Fuji. Hulda became the oldest person to climb Japan's highest peak. 2019 Do smiled. |
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