Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, February 12 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Woman jailed for helping boyfriend to rape schoolgirl twice. He has been jailed too. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, February 12 in 1973 The State of Ohio went metric, becoming the first in the U.S. to post metric distance signs. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint a second time. --- Honore de Balzac (1799 - 1850) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Captain Martin for this story: Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1965. Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the EAST to avoid a collision. Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course. Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP. Canadians: We are in a lighthouse on solid rock. Your call. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Clarissa for this story: A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand. "That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?" "Yes," his young son answered . "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark." "How about transportation?" the father asked. "I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised. Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know." "We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied. "We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Mandarin Duck, similar, but not the same as the Wood Duck. _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ ENGLISH EDUCATION AT ITS FINEST Following questions and answers were collated from last year's British GCSE exams(16 year olds)! Geography Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Sociology Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. Biology Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Statistics. Q: What is artificial insemination? A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term *Caesarean Section.- A: The caesarean section is the red light district in Rome. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport Technology Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head. Religious Education Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gemma Hill, 33, Stephen Arnopp,40, Hatfield, England Woman jailed for helping boyfriend to rape schoolgirl twice. He has been jailed too. A woman has been jailed after she helped a man to rape a girl under the age of 13 twice. Gemma Hill, 33, exchanged messages with boyfriend, Stephen Arnopp, in which they discussed how he would rape the girl. They were also found to have plotted the rape of a nine year old girl. Arnopp was jailed for 11 years for abusing and twice raping the girl under 13 in Welwyn Garden City, Hertfordshire, and his victim's underwear was found at his home. Hill, from Hatfield, was jailed for six years because she told the girl not to report the attacks to police. However, the girl told teachers and the authorities were informed. Judge Marie Catterson, who said Hill had an 'extremely low' IQ, said the victim had suffered 'incalculable' long-terms effects likely to be 'difficult and profound' after the pair admitted all charges against them. Sentencing Hill, she said: 'You were evasive, pretending you knew nothing.' She said Arnopp's abuse required 'sustained and significant planning' and it was fortunate the pair were arrested before attacking the second girl. The judge made a Sexual Harm Prevention Order banning the pair from contacting the victims and from living in a house or having any unsupervised contact with girls under the age of 18. Both defendants pleaded guilty to the charges against them. Arnopp was given two concurrent 40-month sentences for two counts of conspiracy to commit sexual activity with a child under 13 and was jailed for eight years consecutively for two counts of raping a child under 13. He was also sentenced to one count of inciting and one count of causing a child to engage in sexual activity, receiving four months concurrent to his other sentences and received eight months, also concurrent, for sexual activity with a child under 13. Hill received two concurrent four and a half-year sentences for two counts of conspiracy to commit sexual activity with a child under 13 and a consecutive 18 month sentence for cruelty to a person under 16. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Anton Re: Instant messengers Dear Webby, Which Instant Messenger is best and which one is the safest? Thanks Anton Dear Anton Skype, free from http://skype.com, is by far the Best, and also the safest. Both it's text and also it's Voice over IP phone calls to other Skype users or to regular land line telephones and cellphones are thoroughly encrypted, it's file transfers are smooth and uncomplicated and fast, and it's log is solid and reliable. I have used Instant Messenger programs for business purposes since 94, and for serious business use, there is no other IM program that can match it. Another important consideration is user base. There are always going to be some snooty newbies, who use only the newest, unproven messenger, and demand that you change over to whatever they favor this week. If they are important enough to you, you can always run those beside Skype. Sooner or later they will get fed up with their new and unproven messenger, or the fact, that very few people use it. With Skype you know that it works to any country, and even though the goofs at Microsoft keep messing with the looks, it has been working well for 20 years, and there are Millions of users. You can even call landlines with it and wake somebody up, or do free video conferencing even on slow connections. On fast connections Google Hangout may have occasionally much better video, but if one side has a slow or erratic connection, it is useless, and you have to switch to Skype. I use Skype for tech support for about 20 years now. It works fine. And once a day I do five - ten minutes of video with my dad in Austria. He is 95 and does not like typing anymore, but sitting back and talking and watching on video works very well. We do it his time at 8 PM and my time at noon, every day. Unlike most messenger programs, the Skype window is not nailed down on prime space. You can move it out of the way, even onto a second monitor, and squish it or spread it to whatever size is best at that time. With Skype you don`t have to have a browser open and on a certain page like the thilly and primitive FaceBook messenger. People can call you even if you are working on a spreadsheet or document and have no browser open. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. I'm a chaplain at the County senior citizens' home. The other day I saw a 96-year-old lady knitting a sweater for her granddaughter. "What kind of material are you using?" I asked. "She said, "Virgin wool." "Where do you get that," I asked. "Ugly sheep," she smiled. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Bob, an experienced sky diver, was getting ready for a jump one day when he spotted another man outfitted to dive wearing dark glasses, carrying a white can and holding a seeing-eye dog by a leash. Shocked that the blind man was also going to jump, Bob struck up a conversation, expressing his admiration for the man's courage. Then, curious, he asked, "How do you know when the ground is getting close?" "Easy," replied the blind man. "The leash goes slack." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Herbal Tea Facial Steamer Try this facial steamer to help wash dirt that builds up in your pores. Boil 1/2 quart of water. Then put two chamomile tea bags (or a handful of dried chamomile flowers) in a bowl and pour the boiling water over them. Put one towel under the bowl and another over your head. Lean over the bowl and breath in the chamomile. If it gets too hot, let steam escape by lifting up the towel. Steam your face for 5 to 10 minutes. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Bunny for this: There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." So she did and she had a wonderful day. The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. "H-m-m, " she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today." So she did and she had a grand day. The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. "Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail." So she did and she had a fun, fun day. The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head. "YEAH!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!" Attitude is everything. | | People are Awesome! Best of the month (January 2018) |
From Mark Dear Webby Thanks for the blog! It makes it so much easier to look up previous days when I come back to the office. Thanks Mark ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, February 12, in 1541 The city of Santiago, Chile was founded. 1554 Lady Jane Grey was beheaded after being charged with treason. She had claimed the throne of England for only nine days. 1733 Savannah, GA, was founded by English colonist James Oglethorpe. 1870 In the Utah Territory, women gained the right to vote. 1878 Frederick W. Thayer patented the baseball catcher's mask. 1879 The first artificial ice rink opened in North America. It was at Madison Square Garden in New York City, NY. 1880 The National Croquet League was organized in Philadelphia, PA. 1892 In the U.S., President Lincoln's birthday was declared to be a national holiday. 1907 A collision of the steamer Larchmont and a schooner resulted in the death of more than 300 people. The incident occurred off New England's Block Island. 1909 The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) was founded. 1912 China's boy emperor Hsuan T'ung announced that he was abdicating, ending the Manchu Ch'ing dynasty. Subsequently, the Republic of China was established. 1918 All theatres in New York City were shut down in an effort to conserve coal for WWI. 1924 U.S. President Calvin Coolidge made the first presidential political speech on radio. 1924 "The Eveready Hour" became radio's first sponsored network program. The National Carbon Company was the first sponsor of a network show. 1940 Mutual Radio presented the first broadcast of the radio play "The Adventures of Superman." 1971 James Cash (J.C.) Penney died at the age of 95. The company closed for business for one-half day as a memorial to the company's founder. 1973 The State of Ohio went metric, becoming the first in the U.S. to post metric distance signs. 1973 American prisoners of war were released for the first time during the Vietnam conflict. 1993 In Liverpool, England, a 2-year-old boy, James Bulger, was lured away from his mother at a shopping mall and beaten to death. Two ten- year-old boys were responsible. 1998 A U.S. federal judge declared that the presidential line-item veto was unconstitutional. 1999 U.S. President Clinton was acquitted by the U.S. Senate on two impeachment articles. The charges were perjury and obstruction of justice. 2001 The space probe NEAR landed on the asteroid Eros. It was the first time that any craft had landed on a small space rock. 2002 Kenneth Lay, former Enron CEO, exercised his constitutional rights and refused to testify to the U.S. Congress about the collapse of Enron. 2002 The trial of former Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic began at the U.N. tribunal in The Hague. Milosevic was accused of war crimes during the Balkan wars of the 1990s. 2002 Pakistan charged three men in connection with the kidnapping of Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl in Karachi. 2002 Princess Stephanie of Monaco and Franco Knie won a defamation-of- character lawsuit against the Swiss magazine "Facts." The case involved a photomontage created by the magazine. 2003 The U.N. nuclear agency declared North Korea in violation of international treaties. The complaint was sent to the Security Council. 2004 Mattel announced that "Barbie" and "Ken" were breaking up. The dolls had met on the set of their first television commercial together in 1961. 2013 North Korea conducted its third underground nuclear test. 2018 Do smiled. |
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