Good Morning, Do, Today is Saturday, March 17 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Oregon Daycare owner drugged kids Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, March 17 in 1776 British forces evacuated Boston to Nova Scotia during the Revolutionary War. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. --- George Santayana (1863 - 1952), The road to hell is paved with adverbs. --- Stephen King (1947 - ) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly towards him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition." Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand. He looked into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint... my... house." ______________________________________________________ A young man goes to the pet store, looks around, sees a dog he likes somewhat, and asks the manager for help. "I like this breed, but this one's legs are too short" he says to the clerk. And the clerk says, "What do you mean, 'Too short'? They reach the floor, don't they?" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ We got another foot of snow yesterday. No Gullible Warming here. In another month or two we hope to get these flowers. In case you don't have flowers yet, enjoy these! _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Darlene for this story: Some time back, my cousin, Steve moved to a new apartment. Steve had a business commitment out of town that weekend and so I and my three brothers all chipped in to help his wife move the furniture. The new apartment was on the third floor. We hauled everything up the three flights of stairs and around the tight corner through the kitchen put them where they belonged. Finally, we came to the large couch. After hauling it up three flights to the top of the stairs, we discovered it would not go around the corner through the kitchen. We took it back out into the hall and turned it and tried again. It still wouldn't fit. Finally all of us boosted the couch from the back of the truck up the side of the building. From the third floor, we passed the couch up and over the railing of the tiny balcony and in through the sliding doors into the living room. We all col- lapsed on the couch to catch our breath and made a pact that we would not tell Steve how we got the couch into the apart- ment. "The next time he moves," we conspired, "he will have to figure out how to get the couch out of there on his own. It will be our little secret. He will have to take a saw to it!" As luck would have it, Steve found a place he liked better about three months later. It really was a busy weekend at work, and none of us were available to help move. We waited eagerly to hear from Steve but there was nothing. Finally, after several days of waiting, I asked Steve, "So, did you get everything moved OK?" "Sure," he replied. "Did you run into any problems?" "No." "Now, wait a minute, we had to drag the couch up the outside of the building and haul it over the railing! How did you get it out of the living room? It didn't fit through the kitchen!" Steve looked at me with total disbelief and said, "Geez, you idiots! The legs unscrew!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by January Irene Neatherlin, 32, Bend, Oregon Oregon Daycare owner drugged kids The operator of the Little Giggles day care center in Bend, Ore., had a rule: Parents couldn't drop off or collect their children between 11am and 2pm. That was the period January Neatherlin referred to as "nap time" and when she headed out to go tanning and to CrossFit. The 32-year-old was on Friday sentenced to just north of 21 years in prison after pleading guilty to 11 counts of first- degree criminal mistreatment and one count of third-degree assault. Per court documents, Neatherlin would give the children in her care the sleep aid melatonin and then take off. Her misdeeds didn't end there: the daycare was an illegal one, and she was not a registered nurse, though she told parents otherwise. The Oregonian reports the scheme unraveled after an ex-boyfriend and ex-roommate tipped off police, who began tracking Neatherlin a year ago. They observed her exiting the house on two occasions, leaving alone seven kids, ages 6 months to 4 years, reports the Bend Bulletin. Bend Police Sgt. Devin Lewis testified that "what we saw was shocking." For example, one of the kids left unattended was found covered in damp vomit, and KTVZ reports Lewis feared the child could have possibly suffocated without intervention. Using CrossFit and Tan Republic records, police verified Neatherlin visited those establishments during "nap time" hours. Four of the charges relate to prior incidents, in which Neatherlin was said to have burned a baby with scalding milk; on another occasion, an 11-month-old was taken to a hospital with head injuries. Said the sentencing judge: "It is sheer serendipity and chance that some of those kids were not killed." Tech Support Pits From: Adrian Re: Image Stabilizer Dear Webby You recommended the Canon Powershot IS and mentioned that it had an image stabilizer to cope with that big zoom. How does that work? Is it one of those buzzing gyroscopes like some binoculars have? Adrian face=Arial> Dear Adrian A gyroscope would not be steady enough at the resolution of that camera. It's all done electronically. The camera just merges a few of your jitters into one picture and holds that for a second. In bright light, for closer shots, and especially for action shots, turn the image stabilizer off. Don't use the image stabilizer for shots of waterfalls! It will "freeze" the water and make it look silly. Waterfalls look much better with some blur. Have FU!N DearWebby A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he says to St. Peter , "I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes?" St. Peter said, "That's a question only God can answer". So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked, "God, please ~ I must know. Am I a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes?" God simply replied "You are what you are." The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked, "Well, did God answer your question?" The zebra looked puzzled. "No sir, God simply said 'You are what you are.'" St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, "Well then, that answers it ~ you are a white horse with black stripes." The zebra asked, "How do you know that?" "Because," said St. Peter, "If you were a black horse with white stripes, God would have said, "Yo is what yo is." Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Thanks to Sandie for this story: Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" Well, the mother did not really want to get into a deep discussion about innocence and virginity, especially since this was the fourth wedding of the bride, so she fibbed: "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is one of the happiest days of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "Mom, why is the groom wearing black?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Groan Alert! This month will be the anniversary of Albert Einstein's birthday. He was born March 14, 1879. Few remember that Einstein married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919. He stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well endowed. He postulated that, if you are attracted to women with a large chest, the attraction is stronger if there is a DNA connection. It was called Einstein's Theory of Relative titty. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Getting More Juice Out Lemons Submerge lemons in hot tap water before squeezing and it will yield almost twice as much juice. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ At the counter, a woman was complaining about the departure time, saying, "Young man, I could stick a feather in my butt and get there faster." The clerk smiled and said, "Yeah, and you'd save extra time by not having to go through Security! Go for it!" | Rainbow colored mountains. |
___________________________________________________ Q. According to Cosmo magazine, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning. Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"? A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty. Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"? A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, March 17 in 0461 Bishop Patrick, St. Patrick, died in Saul. Ireland celebrates this day in his honor. 1756 St. Patrick's Day was celebrated in New York City for the first time. The event took place at the Crown and Thistle Tavern. 1766 Britain repealed the Stamp Act that had caused resentment in the North American colonies. 1776 British forces evacuated Boston to Nova Scotia during the Revolutionary War. 1868 Postage stamp canceling machine patent was issued. 1884 In Otay, California, John Joseph Montgomery made the first manned, controlled, heavier-than-air glider flight in the United States. 1886 20 Blacks were killed in the Carrollton Massacre in Mississippi. 1891 The British steamer Utopia sank off the coast of Gibraltar. 1901 In Paris, Vincent Van Gogh's paintings were shown at the Bernheim Gallery. 1909 In France, the communications industry was paralyzed by strikes. 1910 The Camp Fire Girls organization was founded by Luther and Charlotte Gulick. It was formally presented to the public exactly 2 years later. 1914 Russia increased the number of active duty military from 460,000 to 1,700,000. 1917 America's first bowling tournament for ladies began in St. Louis, MO. Almost 100 women participated in the event. 1930 Al Capone was released from jail. 1930 In New York, construction began on the Empire State Building. Excavation at the site began on January 22. 1942 Douglas MacArthur became the Supreme Commander of the Allied forces in the Southwestern Pacific. 1944 At the end of World War II, the U.S. bombed Vienna. Austria had given up by then. 1950 Scientists at the University of California at Berkeley announced that they had created a new radioactive element. They named it "californium". It is also known as element 98. 1958 The Vanguard 1 satellite was launched by the U.S. 1959 The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) fled Tibet and went to India. 1961 The U.S. increased military aid and technicians to Laos. 1962 Moscow asked the U.S. to pull out of South Vietnam. 1966 A U.S. submarine found a missing H-bomb in the Mediterranean off of Spain. 1969 Golda Meir was sworn in as the fourth premier of Israel. 1970 The U.S. Army charged 14 officers with suppression of facts in the My Lai massacre case. 1972 U.S. President Nixon asked Congress to halt busing in order to achieve desegregation. 1973 Twenty were killed in Cambodia when a bomb went off that was meant for the Cambodian President Lon Nol. 1973 The first American prisoners of war (POWs) were released from the "Hanoi Hilton" in Hanoi, North Vietnam. 1982 In El Salvador, four Dutch television crewmembers were killed by government troops. 1985 U.S. President Reagan agreed to a joint study with Canada on acid rain. 1989 A series of solar flares caused a violent magnetic storm that brought power outages over large regions of Canada. 1992 In Buenos Aires, 10 people were killed in a suicide car-bomb attack against the Israeli embassy. 1992 White South Africans approved constitutional reforms to give legal equality to blacks. 1995 Gerry Adams became the first leader of Sinn Fein to be received at the White House. 1998 Washington Mutual announced it had agreed to buy H.F. Ahmanson and Co. for $9.9 billion dollars. The deal created the nation's seventh-largest banking company. 1999 A panel of medical experts concluded that marijuana had medical benefits for people suffering from cancer and AIDS. 1999 The International Olympic Committee expelled six of its members in the wake of a bribery scandal. 2000 In Norway, Jens Stotenberg and the Labour Party took office as Prime Minister. The coalition government of Kjell Magne Bondevik resigned on March 9 as a result of an environmental dispute. 2000 In Kanungu, Uganda, a fire at a church linked to the cult known as the Movement for the Restoration of the Ten Commandments killed more than 530. On March 31, officials set the number of deaths linked to the cult at more than 900 after authorities subsequently found mass graves at various sites linked to the cult. 2004 NASA's Messenger became the first spacecraft to enter into orbit around Mercury. The probe took more than 270,000 pictures before it crashed into the surface of Mercury on April 30, 2015. 2018 Do smiled. |
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