| Good Morning, Do! Thank You, Rick!! Today is Tuesday, May 23 ________________________________________________________ Due to lack of CO2, the Ice Age is coming! Almost 8 metre high (25 foot) walls on May 21 in Nevada right now (one month before USA summer). These are on Angel Lake Scenic Byway near Elko. Actually, it is not a permanent ice age. It goes in cycles.Remember how they stole our beautiful muscle cars in the 60s and 70s, claiming their exhaust was causing the ice age? Same BS now. Get ready for another tax grab. ____________________________________________________ History: Today, May 23 in 1934, In Bienville Parish, LA, Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow were ambushed and killed by Texas Rangers. The bank robbers were riding in a stolen Ford Deluxe. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Joliet man found guilty in stabbing murder of 76 y4r old _____________________________________________________ Q There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip. --- Jonathan Carroll "I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them." --- George Bush "Half this game is ninety percent mental." --- Danny Ozark, Phillies manager ______________________________________________________ A man was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept talking about chickens being God's creatures, and as such they had the right to go where they wanted. The man was having no luck keeping the chickens out of his flower beds, and he had tried everything. Two weeks later, on a visit I noticed his flower beds were doing great. The flowers were beginning to bloom. So I asked him how he managed to keep the birds away. "How did you make your neighbor keep his hens in his own yard?" "One night I hid half a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower bed, and the next day I let my neighbor see me gather them. I wasn't bothered after that." ______________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ Some teachers at state universities get to know our students fairly well. One instructor told his communications class of his plans to propose marriage. A student spoke up and said that he had recently asked his girlfriend to marry him as well. "What was her answer?" the instructor asked. "I don't know," the student replied. "She hasn't e- mailed me back yet." _____________________________________________________ Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom and dad have one," the other replied. "What's it for?" asked the first boy. "I don't know," the second boy answered. "I think you stand on it and it makes you mad and gets you cussing. Don't go near your mom when it looks like she might stand on it." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Watson, 29, Joliet, Illinois, USA Joliet man found guilty in stabbing murder of 76 y4r old The Will County State's Attorney's Office says that a jury has found 29-year-old Robert Watson, of Joliet, guilty in the stabbing death of 76-year-old Emanual Burgarino, of Wisconsin, at a hotel at a casino back in 2019. The state's attorney's office says Burgarino had been carrying a large amount of cash. He had been pepper sprayed before being stabbed 26 times. Police later found bloody latex gloves, a knife, and the pants that Watson had been wearing in a bush in the 300 block of North Ottawa Street near where he was living. Police later identified the victim's blood on Watson shoes. Watson is due for sentencing on July 31. He was also found to be mentally ill by the jury, but the state's attorney's office says that will not affect his sentencing. _____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Olga RE: Icon arrangement on W10 Dear Webby W10 keeps re-arranging my icons. Is that just to annoy me and punish me for downgrading to W10? Is that fixable? Olga Dear Olga It is just a deviously hidden setting, and you can fix it. Right click on a blank area on your Desktop. Hover on View. In the right pane, look for Auto arrange icons. If it's checked, make sure to UNcheck it. Hover on View, again. This time, UNcheck Align icons to grid. Now you can move your icons anywhere on the Desktop, and they will stay there. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ Some of these quotes are really precious! Why Some Atheletes Can't Have Real Jobs Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me." New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first." And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too." Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings." Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (now that is beautiful) Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton." Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, "Coach, I don't know and I don't care." Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject." Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye" _____________________________________________ Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!" ____________________________________________ "All through our marriage my wife was less than fully responsive to my sexual initiatives," replied the husband, "but the clincher came one morning at the breakfast table." "Why? What happened?" "She announced, 'Just so you don't get your hopes up, I'm already beginning to get a headache.'" ___________________________________________________ I was self-conscious about going to the gym, because I thought the pounds I had put on would make me stand out among the spandex-clad regulars. I chose a treadmill in the corner so I'd be inconspicuous. However, as I exercised, my worst fears came true. At least a dozen people turned to stare at me periodically. I thought it might be my imagination, but then one woman even squinted to get a better look. Mortified, I stepped off the machine to leave. When I turned around, I realized that the gym's only wall clock had been hanging just inches above my head. ________________________________________________ While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students. "As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?" "I suppose, I would walk funny too." _____________________________________________ Juvenile Male Pileated Woodpecker 08/17/2020 Fish Creek, Calgary, AB __________________________________________________ Things it takes most of us 50 years to learn: 1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it. 2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time. 3. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 4. The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip. 5. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers. 6. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is: age 11. 7. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." 8. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 9. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings." 10. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. 11. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and he decides to deliver a message to humanity, he will NOT use as his messenger a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle or in some cases, really bad make-up too. 12. You should not confuse your career with your life. 13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter/janitor, is not a nice person. 14. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. 15. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. 16. Your true friends love you, anyway. 17. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. _________________________________________________ The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work: "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two." The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said: "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world." But then she said: "I'm glad that you feel this way because tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us." ____________________________________________________ Today, May 23 in 1430, Joan of Arc was captured by Burgundians. She was then sold to the English. 1533, Henry VIIIs marriage to Catherine of Aragon was declared null and void. 1618, The Thirty Years War began when three opponents of the Reformation were thrown through a window. 1701, In London, Captain William Kidd was hanged after being convicted of murder and piracy. 1785, Benjamin Franklin wrote in a letter that he had invented bifocals. 1788, South Carolina became the eighth state to ratify U.S. Constitution. 1827, The first nursery school in the U.S. was established in New York City. 1873, Canada's North West Mounted Police force was established. The organization's name was changed to Royal Canadian Mounted Police in 1920. 1879, The first U.S. veterinary school was established by Iowa State University. 1895, The New York Public Library was created with an agreement that combined the city's existing Astor and Lenox libraries. 1900, Civil War hero Sgt. William H. Carney became the first African American to receive the Medal of Honor, 37 years after the Battle of Fort Wagner. 1901, American forces captured Filipino rebel leader Emilio Aguinaldo. 1908, Part of the Great White Fleet arrived in Puget Sound, WA. 1915, During World War I, Italy joined the Allies as they declared war on Austria-Hungary. 1922, "Daylight Saving Time" was debated in the first debate ever to be heard on radio in Washington, DC. 1926, The French captured the Moroccan Rif capital. 1934, In Bienville Parish, LA, Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow were ambushed and killed by Texas Rangers. The bank robbers were riding in a stolen Ford Deluxe. 1938, "LIFE" magazines cover pictured Errol Flynn as a glamour boy. 1945, In Luneburg Germany, Heinrich Himmler, the head of the Nazi Gestapo, committed suicide while imprisoned by the Allied forces. 1949, The Republic of West Germany was established. 1960, Israel announced the capture of Nazi Adolf Eichmann in Argentina. 1981, In Barcelona, Spain, gunmen seized control of the Central Bank and took 200 hostages. 1985, Thomas Patrick Cavanagh was sentenced to life in prison for trying to sell Stealth bomber secrets to the Soviet Union. 1992, In Lisbon, Portugal , the U.S. and four former Soviet republics signed an agreement to implement the START missile reduction treaty that had been agreed to by the Soviet Union before it was dissolved. 1995, The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City was demolished. 1998, British Protestants and Irish Catholics of Northern Ireland approved a peace accord. 1999, In Kansas City, MO, Owen Hart (Blue Blazer) died when he fell 90 feet while being lowered into a WWF wrestling ring. He was 33 years old. 1999, Gerry Bloch, at age 81, became the oldest climber to scale El Capitan in Yosemite National Park. He broke his own record that he set in 1986 when he was 68 years old. 2013, Google acquired Makani Power for use for its Project Wing. 2016, U.S. President Obama announced that the United States would end its ban of lethal military equipment sales to Vietnam. The restrictions had been in place since the end of the Vietnam War. 2023, Do smiled.
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