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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, November 29, 1864, The Sand Creek Massacre occurred in Colorado when a militia led by Colonel John Chivington, killed at least 400 peaceful Cheyenne and Arapaho Indians who had surrendered and had been given permission to camp. ____________________________________________________ Bonehed Award: Edmonton man charged with importing cocaine, heroin worth $7M into Canada _____________________________________________________ Q The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to seem worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. --- Frank Dane ____________________________________________________ Nike has recalled more than 400 thousand defective shoes after reports that the poor workmanship may have injured 6 people. A company spokesperson was upset, saying, "You just can't get good help for 75 cents a day anymore". __________________________________________________ A young female stock broker was bored with her BMW. It lacked individuality and besides, every other broker in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible. She visited a local car dealer and saw a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with it's gorgeous lines and red paint. An empty cheque stub later and off she was, tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the stereo, what could possibly be better? What could possibly go wrong? As that thought crossed her mind, there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded that she didn't have a clue as to what was wrong. She grabbed her pocket phone and called the AutoClub. A short while later a bright shiny yellow tow truck pulled up behind her. 'That's a lovely car,' says the mechanic. 'What seems to be the matter?' Well, it just conked out I'm afraid.' 'Let me have look.' He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was purring like a cat again. 'Thank goodness,' she said. 'What was the matter ?' 'Simple really, just crap in the carburetor,' he replied. Looking shocked she asked, 'Oh, OK. How many times a week do I have to do that?' __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock: An International Bonehead Award has been earned by David Phanthikane, 42, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada Edmonton man charged with importing cocaine, heroin worth $7M into Canada The charge stems from an investigation by the Integrated Border Enforcement Team, a joint operation between the RCMP, the Canada Border Services Agency, and the Calgary Police Service, into cross-border drug importation using commercial transport vehicles. The team seized 38 kilograms of cocaine and 30 kilograms of heroin. This complex investigation, which spanned several months, is a great demonstration on the importance of collaboration between agencies, said Supt. Sean Boser, officer in charge of federal policing, in a news release. Investigators were able to prevent 68 kg of cocaine and heroin from impacting Albertas communities and potentially saving lives. ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ IN THE AIRPLANE REST ROOM [Two voices - male and female - on a plane.] "I think everyone's asleep, lets go." [Sound of steps.] "This one's empty ... no-ones looking ... you go in first." "It's a bit cramped - let me sit down." "Have you got the condom? Quick - put it on." Sniff, sniff "Ah perfume - you think of everything." "This is great ..." (long sigh) Static on the loud speaker then a new voice. "This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet. We know what you're doing and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations. Now put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector!" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Eric R. Smith you drive countless hours and kilometers, only to find him 5 minutes from home. Who knew ?? Moose, Red Deer County _________________________________________________ While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Greg and his wife Keli listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the men, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower ?" Greg leaned over, touched Keli's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?" The rest of the story is not pleasant. _______________________________________________ When my sister's husband died, she went to the bank to put his affairs in order. The young clerk looked up their joint account and then asked, "Which of you is deceased?" __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a super-model? A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him). ________________________________________________________ Doug meets Bill at the bar after work and is once again looking down in the dumps. "Whats wrong now Doug," asked Bill. Doug replies, "They called in a management team and gave everyone in the office an aptitude test to see what they were best suited for." "Yeah, so whats the problem with that?" Doug sighs, "Well it seems that I am best suited for retirement." _____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________________ The man had a very red face, and a dark smear across it where he'd wiped off sweat with dirty hands. His tie was undone and his shirt collar askew, and it was clear he had also wiped his hands on his once-white shirt. Close to him stood an immaculately neat woman who was speaking in quick, agitated tones. "Hello, there," said the motorist. "Say, I've changed a lot of tires . . . maybe I can help here." "You sure can," the man with the flat tire replied wearily. "My wife is an expert, too. If you will just do all the arguing with her about how this tire ought to be changed, I can concentrate on the dirty work and get the job done." __________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Eliza Re: Hunger Site Dear Webby You used to have a link to the hunger site, where each click caused a cup of grain to be donated to somebody, who is hungry. But then they stopped and you took the link down. Somebody said that they are active again. Is that true? Eliza Dear Eliza Yes, you are right! They are back! HungerSite Just cclick to give some food to somebody, who is hungry. That does not go to rich politicians, but to actual hunger sufferers. So far they raised and distributed over $90 Million. They also sell some really neat stuff, like a gorgeous Healing Stone Necklace, that you can not get at Walmart. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the following: "We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool, too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts. My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night: Early Birds. Some of the people can't get past the man in the dollhouse to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck. My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day, too. When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren." _____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, November 29, in 1864, The Sand Creek Massacre occurred in Colorado when a militia led by Colonel John Chivington, killed at least 400 peaceful Cheyenne and Arapaho Indians who had surrendered and had been given permission to camp. 1890, Navy defeated Army by a score of 24-0 in the first Army-Navy football game. The game was played at West Point, NY. 1892, A patent was issued to Almon Brown Strowger for the rotary dial. 1929, The first airplane flight over the South Pole was made by U.S. Navy Lt. Comdr. Richard E. Byrd. 1939, The USSR broke off diplomatic relations with Finland prior to a Soviet attack. That attack caused Finland to beg Germany to help them out until 3 months before the Allies won WWII. Then Finland switched sides. 1945, The monarchy was abolished in Yugoslavia and a republic proclaimed. 1947, The U.N. General Assembly passed a resolution that called for the division of Palestine between Arabs and Jews. 1961, The Mercury-Atlas 5 spacecraft was launched by the U.S. with Enos the chimp on board. The craft orbited the earth twice before landing off Puerto Rico. 1963, A Trans-Canada Airlines DC-8F with 111 passengers and 7 crew members crashed in woods north of Montreal 4 minutes after takeoff from Dorval Airport. All aboard were killed. The crash was the worst in Canada's history. 1963, U.S. President Johnson named a commission headed by Earl Warren to investigate the assassination of President Kennedy. 1967, U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert S. McNamara announced that he was leaving the Johnson administration to become president of the World Bank. 1974, In Britain, a bill that outlawed the Irish Republican Army became effective. 1975, Bill Gates adopted the name Microsoft for the company he and Paul Allen had formed to write the BASIC computer language for the Altair. 1981, Actress Natalie Wood drowned in a boating accident off Santa Catalina Island, CA, at the age 43. 1982, The U.N. General Assembly voted that the Soviet Union should withdraw its troops from Afghanistan. 1987, A Korean jetliner disappeared off Burma, with 115 people aboard. 1987, Cuban detainees released 26 hostages they'd been holding for more than a week at the Federal Detention Center in Oakdale, LA. 1988, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the rights of criminal defendants are not violated when police unintentionally fail to preserve potentially vital evidence. 1989, In Czechoslovakia, the Communist-run parliament ended the party's 40-year monopoly on power. 1990, The U.N. Security Council voted to authorize military action if Iraq did not withdraw its troops from Kuwait and release all foreign hostages by January 15, 1991. 1991, 17 people were killed in a 164-vehicle wreck during a dust storm near Coalinga, CA, on Interstate 5. 1994, The U.S. House passed the revised General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade. 1994, Fighter jets attacked the capital of Chechnya and its airport only hours after Russian President Boris Yeltsin demanded the breakaway republic end its civil war. 1996, A U.N. court sentenced Bosnian Serb army soldier Drazen Erdemovic to 10 years in prison for his role in the massacre of 1,200 Muslims. The sentence was the first international war crimes sentence since World War II. 1998, Swiss voters overwhelmingly rejected legalizing heroin and other narcotics. 2004, The French government announced plans to build the Louvre II in northern France. The 236,808 square foot museum was the planned home for 500-600 works from the Louvre's reserves. 2022 Do smiled.
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