Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, March 21 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Pickle-Packing Perv Popped ___________________________________________________ Today, March 21 in 1945 During World War II, Allied bombers began four days of bombing raids over Germany. ____________________________________________________ Inspiration is wonderful when it happens, but the writer must develop an approach for the rest of the time... The wait is simply too long. --- Leonard Bernstein (1918 - 1990) ____________________________________________________ A friend of mine was telling me her flight from Boston to New York was delayed, which meant she missed her connection home to Seattle. She joined a group of other passengers, all in the same boat, each hoping to book seats on the next flight out. All of the passengers waited patiently except for one man who treated the ticket agent very rudely. "I had an aisle seat reserved and I BETTER get an aisle seat when we get on another plane," he ranted and raved. A few minutes later the ticket agent announced that there would be room for everyone. "And, sir," she said, addressing the rude fella, "I'm happy to tell you that I was able to get you an aisle seat, sir." The man, still mutter, picked up his carry on, grabbed his boarding pass, and headed through the door. The agent continued, "And I'm also pleased to announce the rest of you will be seated in First Class." ____________________________________________________ Nike has recalled more than 400 thousand defective shoes after reports that the poor workmanship may have injured 6 people. A company spokesperson was upset, saying, "You just can't get good help for 75 cents a day anymore". ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A young female stock broker was bored with her BMW. It lacked individuality and besides, every other broker in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible. She visited a local car dealer and saw a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with it's gorgeous lines and red paint. An empty cheque stub later and off she was, tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the stereo, what could possibly be better? What could possibly go wrong? As that thought crossed her mind, there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded that she didn't have a clue as to what was wrong. She grabbed her pocket phone and called the AutoClub. A short while later a bright shiny yellow tow truck pulled up behind her. 'That's a lovely car,' says the mechanic. 'What seems to be the matter?' Well, it just conked out I'm afraid.' 'Let me have look.' He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was purring like a cat again. 'Thank goodness,' she said. 'What was the matter ?' 'Simple really, just crap in the carburetor,' he replied. Looking shocked she asked, 'Oh, OK. How many times a week do I have to do that?' __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Eric Detiege, 47, Tampa, Florida, USA Pickle-Packing Perv Popped A pantless Florida Man was arrested yesterday after police spotted him pleasuring himself with a pickle while on a private premise, according to an arrest affidavit. Responding to a suspicious person call around 4 PM, a cop saw Eric Detiege, 47, lying on his back in front of a townhouse in Oldsmar, a city in the Tampa Bay area. Detiege, unencumbered by pants or underwear, had his penis in one hand and a large uneaten pickle in his other hand. Detiege, the cop added, was using the pickle to penetrate his rectum while he was masturbating. Seen above, Detiege was arrested on a misdemeanor exposure of sexual organs charge. He is being held in the Pinellas County jail in lieu of $150 bond. Detiege, whose address is listed as the Flying Cloud Mobile Home Park in Tampa, has prior convictions for theft, disorderly conduct, resisting police, and criminal mischief. Jail records note that Detiege has Only God can judge me tattooed on his arm. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Eliza Re: Hunger Site Dear Webby You used to have a link to the hunger site, where each click caused a cup of grain to be donated to somebody, who is hungry. But then they stopped and you took the link down. Somebody said that they are active again. Is that true? Eliza Dear Eliza Yes, you are right! They are back! HungerSite Just cclick to give some food to somebody, who is hungry. That does not go to rich politicians, but to actual hunger sufferers. So far they raised and distributed over $60 Million. They also sell some really neat stuff, like a gorgeous Healing Stone Necklace, that you can not get at Walmart. Have FUN! DearWebby Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ IN THE AIRPLANE REST ROOM [Two voices - male and female - on a plane.] "I think everyone's asleep, lets go." [Sound of steps.] "This one's empty ... no-ones looking ... you go in first." "It a bit cramped - let me sit down." "Have you got the condom? Quick - put it on." Sniff, sniff "Ah perfume - you think of everything." "This is great ..." (long sigh) Static on the loud speaker then a new voice. "This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet. We know what you're doing and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations. Now put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector!" ____________________________________________ While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Greg and his wife Keli listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the men, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower ?" Greg leaned over, touched Keli's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?" The rest of the story is not pleasant. ____________________________________________ When my sister's husband died, she went to the bank to put his affairs in order. The young clerk looked up their joint account and then asked, "Which of you is deceased?" ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ Today, March 21 in 1349 3,000 jews were killed in black death riots in erfurt germany. 1556 thomas cranmer, the archbishop of canterbury, was burned at the stake at oxford after retracting the last of seven recantations that same day. 1788 almost the entire city of new orleans, la, was destroyed by fire. 856 buildings were destroyed. 1804 the french civil code, the code napoleon, was adopted. 1824 a fire at a cairo ammunitions dump killed 4,000 horses. 1835 charles darwin & mariano gonzales met at portillo pass. 1851 emperor tu duc ordered that christian priests be put to death. 1851 yosemite valley was discovered in california. 1857 an earthquake hit tokyo killing about 107,000. 1902 in new york, three park avenue mansions were destroyed when a subway tunnel roof caved in. 1908 a passenger was carried in a bi-plane for the first time by henri farman of france. 1909 russia withdrew its support for serbia and recognized the austrian annexation of bosnia-herzegovina. Serbia accepted austrian control over bosnia-herzegovina on march 31, 1909. 1910 the u.S. Senate granted ex-president teddy roosevelt a yearly pension of $10,000. 1918 during world war i, the germans launched the somme offensive. 1928 u.S. President calvin coolidge gave the congressional medal of honor to charles lindbergh for his first trans-atlantic flight. 1934 a fire destroyed hakodate, japan, killing about 1,500. 1945 during world war ii, allied bombers began four days of bombing raids over germany. 1960 about 70 people were killed in sharpeville, south africa, when police fired upon demonstrators. 1963 alcatraz island, the federal penitentiary in san francisco bay, ca, closed. 1965 more than 3,000 civil rights demonstrators led by the rev. Martin luther king jr. Began a march from selma to montgomery, al. 1966 in new york, demolition work began to clear thirteen square blocks for the construction of the original world trade center. 1971 two u.S. Platoons in vietnam refused their orders to advance. 1972 the u.S. Supreme court ruled that states could not require one year of residency for voting eligibility. 1980 u.S. President jimmy carter announced to the u.S. Olympic team that they would not participate in the 1980 summer games in moscow as a boycott against soviet intervention in afghanistan. 1984 a soviet submarine crashed into the uss kitty hawk off the coast of japan. 1985 larry flynt offered to sell his pornography empire for $26 million or "hustler" magazine alone for $18 million. 1985 police in langa, south africa, opened fire on blacks marching to mark the 25th anniversary of the sharpeville shootings. At least 21 demonstrators were killed. 1989 randall dale adams was released from a texas prison after his conviction was overturned. The documentary "the thin blue line" had challenged evidence of adams' conviction for killing a police officer. 1990 namibia became independent of south africa. 1991 27 people were lost at sea when two u.S. Navy anti-submarine planes collided. 1994 bill gates of microsoft and craig mccaw of mccaw cellular communications announced a $9 billion plan that would send 840 satellites into orbit to relay information around the globe. 1995 tokyo police raided the headquarters of aum shinrikyo in search of evidence to link the cult to the sarin gas released on five tokyo subway trains. 2002 in paris, an 1825 print by french inventor joseph nicephore niepce was sold for $443,220. The print, of a man leading a horse, was the earliest recorded image taken by photographic means. 2016 it was reported that the kepler space telescope had captured the visible light of a "shock breakout" when the star ksn 2011a exploded. It was the first time an exploding star's brilliant flash shockwave had been captured. 2021 Do smiled.
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