Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, May 16 Thank you, Francis! ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Supermarket shooter Payton Gendron livestreamed attack __________________________________________________ On May 16 in 1992, The Endeavour space shuttle landed safely after its maiden voyage. _____________________________________________________ A painting in a museum hears more ridiculous opinions than anything else in the world. --- Edmond de Goncourt (1822 - 1896) Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) ____________________________________________________ ======from J.B.Clark===== Good Morning Dear Webby. You not only have a much better selection of jokes than all the other joke lists, but often yours is the ONLY one that reliably makes it through every morning. These days when there is not much left that we can count on, that is worth a lot to me. =======J.B.Clark======== ___________________________________________________ if you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ "You're in incredibly fine condition," the doctor concluded after finishing a thorough physical. "How old did you say you were, sir?" "Seventy-eight." "Seventy-eight! Why, you have the health of a sixty-year- old. What's your secret?" "I guess, Doc, it's due to a pact the wife and I made when we got married. She promised that if she was ever about to lose her temper, she'd stay in the kitchen 'till she cooled off. And I pledged that when I got angry I'd keep quiet, too, and go outside until I calmed down." "I don't understand," said the doctor, "How could that help you stay so fit?" "Well, the patient explained, "I guess you could say I've lived an outdoor life." ____________________________________________________ Santisouk Great Horned Owl near Calgary, Alberta ___________________________________________________ >This one is from the Cold War era: The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. Each side would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and which ever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter to rebreed. After five years the biggest meanest dog the world that had ever been seen had been bread. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it. When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a 24 foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and slowly waddled over towards the Russian dog. The Russian dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American dachshund. But, when it got close enough to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and consumed the Russian dog whole. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog. The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves." "That's nothing", one of the American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund." ____________________________________________________ >From Ellen, RN I was helping a patient into the bathroom when the patient exclaimed, "You're not coming in here with me. This is a one-seater!" ___________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Payton Gendron, 18, Conklin, New York, USA Supermarket shooter Payton Gendron livestreamed attack accused New York supermarket shooter Payton Gendron, 18, of Conklin, New York, was arraigned in court Saturday evening on first-degree murder charges and ordered detained without bail. A teenage gunman wearing military gear and live streaming with a helmet camera opened fire with a rifle at a Buffalo, New York, supermarket in what authorities described as "racially motived violent extremism," killing 10 people and wounding three others Saturday before he surrendered, authorities said. Police officials said the 18-year-old gunman, who is white, was wearing body armor and military-style clothing when he pulled up and opened fire at people at a Tops Friendly Market, the shooting streamed via a camera affixed to the man's helmet. "He exited his vehicle. He was very heavily armed. He had tactical gear. He had a tactical helmet on. He had a camera that he was livestreaming what he was doing," city Police Commissioner Joseph Gramaglia said at a news conference afterward. Gramaglia said the gunman initially shot four people outside the store, three fatally. Inside the store, a security guard who was a retired Buffalo police officer fired multiple shots at the gunman and struck him, but the bullet hit the gunman's bulletproof vest and had no effect, Gramaglia added. The commissioner said the gunman then killed the security guard. Video also captured the suspect as he walked into the supermarket where he shot several other victims inside, according to authorities. Police said 11 of the victims were Black and two are white. The supermarket is in a predominantly Black neighborhood a few miles (kilometers) north of downtown Buffalo. Authorities said Buffalo, NY supermarket shooting suspect Payton Gendron had a live stream going during the deadly attack. He has been arraigned. BUFFALO, N.Y. -- A teenage gunman wearing military gear and live streaming with a helmet camera opened fire with a rifle at a Buffalo, New York, supermarket in what authorities described as "racially motived violent extremism," killing 10 people and wounding three others Saturday before he surrendered, authorities said. Police officials said the 18-year-old gunman, who is white, was wearing body armor and military-style clothing when he pulled up and opened fire at people at a Tops Friendly Market, the shooting streamed via a camera affixed to the man's helmet. "He exited his vehicle. He was very heavily armed. He had tactical gear. He had a tactical helmet on. He had a camera that he was livestreaming what he was doing," city Police Commissioner Joseph Gramaglia said at a news conference afterward. Gramaglia said the gunman initially shot four people outside the store, three fatally. Inside the store, a security guard who was a retired Buffalo police officer fired multiple shots at the gunman and struck him, but the bullet hit the gunman's bulletproof vest and had no effect, Gramaglia added. The commissioner said the gunman then killed the security guard. Video also captured the suspect as he walked into the supermarket where he shot several other victims inside, according to authorities. Police said 11 of the victims were Black and two are white. The supermarket is in a predominantly Black neighborhood a few miles (kilometers) north of downtown Buffalo. Erie County Sheriff John Garcia pointedly called the shooting a hate crime. That normally doubles the sentence, but since he will probably get 10 or more life sentences, that won't make much difference. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Domanique Re: HP printer warning? Dear Webby Are you actually warning people not to buy HP printers? Domanique Dear Domanique On W10 some HP printers don't do what you paid for, and settings changes are unpredictable. For most people, that is not what they pay for. If you can stay on W7, then they seem to continue working OK. This happens whenever there is a change in Operating systems. Some changes are relatively smooth, others are not. If you plan to change from W7 to W10, try to hold off with buying a printer until after that. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ A college dean was berating a veteran economics professor for having used the same tests for the past 35 years. "Don't you realize, professor, that the students have been sharing these tests for decades and that all of your students know EXACTLY what's on the test before they sit for it?" "Doesn't matter," replied the professor. "It's Economics. Therefore the correct answers change every year." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ >Thanks to Rosalee for this one: One hot summer day we found this old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry site. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her, and put her in a carrier and took her to the Vet. She had no name so we named her pussy cat. The Vet decided to keep her for a day or so and said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband, the complainer said "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks." My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. He calls my hubby "El Cheap-O", and my hubby calls him "Old Crook". The next day hubby had an appointment with his Doctor, which is located next door to the Vet. The Doctor's office was full of people waiting to see the Doctor. The door opened and in popped the vet and announces to my hubby, "Your wife's pussy is finally washed and clean. She now smells like a rose. And by the way, I think she is pregnant. God knows who the father is!" ______________________________________________ A man came into a shop with a 'Salesman Wanted' sign in a window. He went up to the owner and said, "I-I-I w-w-waannn-t the j-joooob-b." "I don't know if this job would suit you because of your speech impediment," said the owner. "I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s-s-six k-kkkids, iiii-I re-really neeeed thi-thi-this j-j-job!" said the man. "OK. Here are three Bibles. Go out and sell them." said the owner. So the man went out and came back half an hour later. "H-here-sss your m-m-money." said the man. The owner was impressed, so he gave the man a dozen more Bibles and sent him out. The man came back in two hours and said, "Her-ers y-yooour m-m-money." The owner said, "This is fantastic. You sold more Bibles in two and a half hours than anyone has sold in a week. Tell me, what do you say to the people when they come to the door?" "W-welllll," said the man, "I r-r-ring the d-door bell, a-a-and s-s-say 'H-Hel-Hello, M-m-maaaaddam, d-d-do you w- w-want t-t t-to buy thi-thi-this B-B-Bible, oooor d-d-do y- you w-w-want m'me t-toooo read it t-t-t-t-to you?" ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey... My Love... Darling... Sweetheart... Pumpkin, etc. etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked," That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered,"Well, about five years ago I accidentally called her by the name of my previous wife and she beaned me with the cast iron frying pan. Since then I can't remember the names of either one of them." ___________________________________________________ | Today, May 16, in 1770, Marie Antoinette, at age 14, married the future King Louis XVI of France, who was 15. 1866, The U.S. Congress authorized the first 5-cent piece to be minted. 1868, U.S. President Andrew Johnson was acquitted during the Senate impeachment, by one vote. 1879, The Treaty of Gandamak between Russia and England set up the Afghan state. 1881, In Germany, the first electric tram for the public started service. 1888, The first demonstration of recording on a flat disc was demonstrated by Emile Berliner. 1888, The capitol of Texas was dedicated in Austin. 1910, The U.S. Bureau of Mines was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 1914, The American Horseshoe Pitchers Association (AHPA) was formed in Kansas City, Kansas. 1920, Joan of Arc was canonized in Rome. 1929, The first Academy Awards were held in Hollywood. 1939, The Philadelphia Athletics and the Cleveland Indians met at Shibe Park in Philadelphia for the first baseball game to be played under the lights in the American League. 1946, "Annie Get Your Gun" opened on Broadway. 1946, Jack Mullin showed the world the first magnetic tape recorder. 1948, The body of CBS News correspondent George Polk was found in Solonika Bay in Greece. It had been a week after he'd disappeared. 1960, A Big Four summit in Paris collapsed due to the American U-2 spy plane incident. 1960, Theodore Maiman, at Hughes Research Laboratory in California, demonstrated the first working laser. 1963, After 22 Earth orbits Gordon Cooper returned to Earth, ending Project Mercury. 1965, Spaghetti-O's were sold for the first time. 1969, Venus 5, a Russian spacecraft, landed on the planet Venus. 1975, Japanese climber Junko Tabei became the first woman to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 1977, Five people were killed when a New York Airways helicopter, idling on top of the Pan Am Building in Manhattan, toppled over, sending a huge rotor blade flying. 1987, The Bobro 400 set sail from New York Harbor with 3,200 tons of garbage. The barge travelled 6,000 miles in search of a place to dump its load. It returned to New York Harbor after 8 weeks with the same load. 1988, A report released by Surgeon General C. Everett Koop declared that nicotine was addictive in similar was as heroin and cocaine. 1988, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police do not have to have a search warrant to search discarded garbage. 1991, Queen Elizabeth II became the first British monarch to address the U.S. Congress. 1992, The Endeavour space shuttle landed safely after its maiden voyage. 1996, Admiral Jeremy "Mike" Boorda, the nation's top Navy officer, died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound after some of his military awards were called into question. 1997, In Zaire, President Mobutu Sese Seko gave control of the country to rebel forces ending 32 years of autocratic rule. 2000, U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was nominated to run for U.S. Senator in New York. She was the first U.S. first lady to run for public office. 2003, Adam Rich was placed on three years probation after he pled no contest to misdemeanor charges of driving under the influence and being under the influence of a controlled substance. He was also ordered to take part in a 60-day treatment program and pay about $1,200 in fines. 2005, Sony Corp. unveiled three styles of its new PlayStation 3 video game machine. 2022 Do smiled. |
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