Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, July 2 _____________________________________________________ Today, July 2 1857 New York City's first elevated railroad officially opened for business. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Californian has meltdown over declined credit card ! ! ! ! _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. --- Wilson Mizner (1876 - 1933) _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Wendy for this: Years ago, there was an old tale in the Marine Corps about a Lieutenant who inspected his men and told the 'gunny' that they smelled bad. The Lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear. The Gunny responded, "Aye, aye, sir, I'll see to it immediately!" He went into the tent and said, "The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones. McCarthy, you change with Dzwill. Brown, you change with Schultz. Get to it." The moral: A Democratic candidate may promise 'change' in Washington, but don't count on things smelling any better. ______________________________________________________` _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Idiot Santa Ana, California Californian has meltdown over declined credit card Police in Santa Ana, California, are looking for a suspect who was caught on surveillance camera going on a rampage in a 7-11 after his card was declined. A newly released surveillance video taken Feb. 11 shows a white male who appears to be in his 30s attempting to buy a 75-cent bag of almond M&Ms. When the card is declined, the man lunges towards the cashier, hitting him on the noggin, shoving the register off the counter and then pushing everything else he sees. As he walks towards the door, he throws a handful of bananas at the other clerk's head and knocks over another terminal. The complete surveillance video can be seen here, but you can see the highlights via the magic of GIFarama. Santa Ana Police Dept. Cpl. Anthony Bertagna thinks the suspect may have overreacted a tad. Based on his actions over a 75 cent-bag of M&M's, I'm not sure what his reaction would be to something that's really serious, Bertagna told KTLA TV. The suspect's actions caused an estimated $700 in damage, he said. Authorities believe the man was with another customer in the store. However, since the card was declined, the store only has the last four digits, so tracking him down hasn't been easy. How do we know the card wasn't stolen? We don't at this point. I mean it wasn't reported, Bertagna told NBC Los Angeles. It just came up that it was non-sufficient funds to buy a 75 cent bag of M&M's. The suspect is described as a white male in his 30s, about 5 feet, 10 inches tall and weighing around 180 pounds. Anyone with information about the suspect is asked to call (714) 245-8647. As wild as this incident was, the brother of the man who owns the 7-11 thinks it's part of a bigger problem. The country's polarized right now, the man told KTTV. You have a bunch of high-profile people acting out. It doesn't surprise me this happened. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Anita Re: write PDF files Dear Webby I want to get a flier printed at Staples, but they ask for it in PDF format. I have MS Office, but that can't write in that format. Do I have to buy the full Adobe for $900 just for that? And why is Staples asking for it in that expensive format? Anita Dear Anita PDF is a platform independent format. No matter what kind of computer people use, a PDF page looks exactly the same. That is why most print shops ask for that format. There is no need to buy the full Adobe. Just get Open Office. There is a link to it in my tool box at http://webby.com/tools It is free. With it you can pick up your MS Office files o any text or spreadsheet files, and export them to PDF format, ready to send to any print shop, and it won't cost you a penny. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Thanks to Vickster for this: Mary says to her daughter, "Ever since I reached 65, I've been feeling that my body had gotten totally out of shape. So I made a big decision - I went to my doctor and got his OK to start doing some exercise. And yest- erday I went to LA Fitness and booked into their aerobics class for seniors." "That's great mom, so how did it go?" asks her daughter. "Well, for thirty minutes I sweated by bending, twisting, pulling, pushing and hopping up and down. But then, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A small boy walked into a police station one day and said, 'I've got three big brothers and we all live in the same room. My eldest brother has seven cats. Another one has three dogs and the third has a goat. I want you to do something about the smell.' 'Are the any windows in your room?' asked the officer. 'Yes, of course there are!' said the boy. 'Have you tried opening them?' 'What and lose all my pigeons?' ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Keep Bacon From Curling You can help prevent bacon from curling when you fry it by dipping it in cold water before cooking it. It also helps to poke a few holes in the bacon before frying it. thriftyfun.Com Sometimes you still see "Bacon Dogs" at garage sales or flea markets. They are cast iron outlines of a dog or dogs, with a fairly tall handle. They look flimsy, but are actually quite strong. The whole picture is the size of an average frying pan. You put the bacon into the pan, and weigh it down with the bacon dog. Then you can let it fry while you do other things. You might have to ask gramma if she has a spare, that she doesn't use anymore. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ | | In the Bronze Age, People Labored Over Cereal That No One Ate. |
___________________________________________________ My granddaughter, Hannah, begged me long-distance to come help her celebrate her sixth birthday. Unable to resist, I made my plans to join the family. When we sat down for the birthday dinner, my son asked Hannah if she would like to bless the food on her birthday. "Oh, yes, Daddy," she said. She closed her eyes and began, "Dear Lord, thank you for Mommy and this good food she fixed. Thank you for letting Grandma come here today." Pausing momentarily, Hannah opened her eyes to peek at me before she continued. "And please Lord, let us have a good time at Toys 'R' Us this afternoon." ___________________________________________________ Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. "So, how's life been for you?" Ed asked. "Not too good," Ted replied. "My first wife died of cancer, my second wife turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another woman and took all our savings, my son's in prison for trying to kill me, my daughter got run over by a bus, my house was hit by a low flying aircraft, my vintage car rolled off the dock into the sea, I had to have my dog put down recently, my doctor says that I have an incurable disease and to cap it all my business has just gone bust." "That sounds terrible", Ed said. "What business were you in?" Ted replied, "I sold good luck charms." __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A career military man, who had retired as a corporal, was telling the younger men how he handled officers during his years of service. "It didn't matter a hoot if he was a Major General, an Admiral, or the Commander-in- Chief. I always told those guys exactly where to get off. "Wow, you must have been something," the admiring young soldiers remarked. "What was your job in the service?" "Elevator operator in the Pentagon." ___________________________________________________ | Today, July 2 in 1298 An army under Albert of Austria defeated and killed Adolf of Nassua near Worms, Germany. 1625 The Spanish army took Breda, Spain, after nearly a year of siege. 1644 Lord Cromwell crushed the Royalists at the Battle of Marston Moor near York, England. 1747 Marshall Saxe led the French forces to victory over an Anglo-Dutch force under the Duke of Cumberland at the Battle of Lauffeld. 1776 Richard Henry Lee's resolution that the American colonies "are, and of right ought to be, free and independent States" was adopted by the Continental Congress. 1850 Prussia agreed to pull out of Schleswig and Holstein, Germany. 1850 Benjamin Lane patented a gas mask with a breathing apparatus. (Patent US7476 A) 1857 New York City's first elevated railroad officially opened for business. 1858 Czar Alexander II freed the serfs working on imperial lands. 1881 Charles J. Guiteau fatally wounded U.S. President James A. Garfield in Washington, DC. 1937 American aviation enthusiast Amelia Earhart disappeared in the Central Pacific during an attempt to fly around the world at the equator. 1944 American bombers, as part of Operation Gardening, dropped land mines, leaflets and bombs on German-occupied Budapest. 1947 An object crashed near Roswell, NM. The U.S. Army Air Force insisted it was a weather balloon, but eyewitness accounts led to speculation that it might have been an alien spacecraft. 1962 Wal-Mart Discount City opened in Rogers, Arkansas. It was the first Walmart store. 1964 U.S. President Johnson signed the "Civil Rights Act of 1964" into law. The act made it illegal in the U.S. to discriminate against others because of their race. 1967 The U.S. Marine Corps launched Operation Buffalo in response to the North Vietnamese Army's efforts to seize the Marine base at Con Thien. 1976 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the death penalty was not inherently cruel or unusual. 1976 North Vietnam and South Vietnam were reunited. 1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter reinstated draft registration for males 18 years of age. 1981 Soyuz T-6 returned to Earth. 1982 Larry Walters ("Lawnchair Larry") took flight in his homeade airship that consisted of a lawnchair with 45 helium-filled weather balloons attached to it. He stayed in flight for about an hour. 1985 General Motors announced that it was installing electronic road maps as an option in some of its higher-priced cars. 1998 Cable News Network (CNN) retracted a story that alleged that U.S. commandos had used nerve gas to kill American defectors during the Vietnam War. 2000 In Mexico, Vicente Fox Quesada of the National Action Party (PAN) defeated Francisco Labastida Ochoa of the Institutional Revolutionary Party (PRI) in the presidential election. The PRI had controlled the presidency in Mexico since the party was founded in 1929. 2019 Do smiled. |
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