Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, August 4 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Left wing extremist, chases down, rams car over Trump bumper sticker Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, August 4 in 1914 Britain declared war on Germany the day after Germany declared war on France, Englan's perennial enemy. They did not want to be left out. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
I never vote for anyone; I always vote against. --- W. C. Fields (1880 - 1946) Lord give me the coffee to change to change the things i can and wine to accept the things i cant. --- Mark Rogan ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the minister smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Seven Mile Bridge, Florida _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has to go to take a pee and he was told by his mother to always be polite and don't talk about private matters in public. At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know what to say to the little girl to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table. So he turns to the little girl and says "Will you excuse me I have to go powder my nose". And saying that he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom. When he comes back the little girl looks up at him and asks "Did you powder your nose?" "Yes" said the little boy stepping back into the sandbox. "Well then" says the little girl, "You'd better close your purse because your lipstick is hanging out." ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Chloe Wright, 25, Taunton, Massachusetts Left wing extremist, chases down, rams car over Trump bumper sticker A Massachusetts man recently told police that earlier this week he was stopped at a red light when a woman pulled up behind him and began honking her horn in a belligerent manner. Then things really got crazy. He stated the driver then followed him down another road, still honking the horn and now screaming at him. And if you think things couldnt get any nuttier, youd be oh so wrong. They actually got worse. Way worse. I could hear her screaming out of the car or something, so Im like, Man, maybe somethings wrong with my car, said the man identified by WBZ-TV only as Brendan for his safety. Well, apparently there was something wrong with his car affixed upon it is a bumper sticker supporting President Donald Trump with his campaign slogan, Make American Great Again. Brendan added to the station that the first thing she said when I came out of the car was, Did you vote for Trump? And I was like, Yeah, what of it? With that, he told WBZ, the driver yelled, Youre racist! along with a bunch of cuss words coming at him nonstop. But that wasnt the worst of it. Brendan recorded video of the incident as the driver first allegedly hit the back of his car then clipped his open door, missing him by inches, WBZ said. Her tire was right next to my foot, Brendan recalled to the station. That could have ended really bad. The driver promptly fled the scene when she noticed she was on video, however the video taken of the incident captured the vehicles license plate number, which was then traced to Chloe Wright of Taunton. Wright was arrested by authorities a month later on Monday and she has plead not guilty to a charge of assault with a deadly weapon. She will also be facing charges of vandalizing property and fleeing the scene of property damage. The woman was released on $1,250 bail and has been ordered to stay away from the victim. Tech Support Pits From: Almira Re: Further into the dark Dear Webby I need to take pictures of graduates from a course that I teach. The last ones were a disaster. The flash does not light up the second and third row, and without a flash, the overhead lights are too dim and make the faces look haggard. I remember you occasionally making strong statements against the use of flash, but I forgot what alternatives you recommended. Can you please tell me again? Thanks Almira Dear Almira Go to Home Depot or a similar construction supplier, and get yourself one or two 500 W or 1000 W Quartz work lights. They are in rectangular cast aluminum fixtures just like yard and security lights, but have a much brighter lamp in it, and a safety grill in front of the glass. You can get them with a big alligator clamp to clip them onto a stepladder, or with a bright yellow tripod. Most photographers take that tripod out into the back alley and use a can of black barbecue paint to give it an expensive and professional look. However, that is a stupid idea. It just causes people to trip over the tripod legs. There is a good reason why it is bright yellow. Position the light a bit to the side of your spot and closer to the group or podium. Put your camera on a tripod and make sure that the light is just barely outside your cone of view. The older the crowd, the lower down the light should be. A knee high spotlight hides more wrinkles than a pound of make-up spackled on, but make sure the light is a bit to the side and not straight in front of your camera. Set the camera for 1/30 second or if it is an automatic, use the symbol of a person with a star above the head. To take the picture, hold up a manual flash with your left hand and set it off. Click the camera a second later, when they just start to relax, but before they let their chests fall back down into their drawers. It would be a good idea to take some test pictures beforehand. Absolutely REFUSE to take pictures if tehre is a white background. Pictures will turn out crappy with the faces all looking haggard. Background should be as black as possible. Also tell the people to NOT wear white. Cameras tend to average brightness, and white dresses cause dark and haggard faces in group pictures. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A flight attendant was on the red-eye to Manila when a water leak developed in the galley, which eventually soaked the carpet throughout the cabin of the 747. A very sleepy passenger who had become aware of the dampness asked the attendant, "Has it been raining?" Keeping a straight face, the attendant replied, "Yes, but we put the top up." With a sigh of relief, the passenger went back to sleep. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
I had given our daughter, who was 15 at the time, a drivers manual. On the way to town one day, I was coaching her as I drove. I told her to be studying her book so as to be ready when it came time to get her driver's permit. "Oh, she said, "I already know everything in the book." "You do?" I returned. "Yep," she said, very smugly. I thought, "OK, I'll give her a hard one." So I asked her, "How many feet does it take to stop the car if you are driving 60 miles an hour and have to slam on the brakes real hard?" "One," she replied. "What?" I asked. "One?!" She repeated her answer and then because of the confused look on my face, she added, "One, Mom. You always told me never to use my left foot on the brakes, only use my right one." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Air Out the House With summer here, open up windows when you use caustic cleaners. Opening up various windows and doors will help air circulate throughout the house and help freshen everything. An even better approach is to avoid these type of fumes by using cleaners like baking soda and vinegar. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Bizarre inventions in history that our ancestors had to use. |
___________________________________________________ The whole neighborhood shook from the explosion. As store owners ran outside to see what happened, they spotted the pharmacist staggering out of his smoldering building. His white uniform was scorched black. He walked up to a woman standing nearby and said, "Lady! Would you please ask your doctor to write that prescription again. And this time, PRINT IT!" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
The judge read the charges, then asked, "Are you the defendant in this case?" "No sir, your honor, sir," replied Jethro. "I got me a lawyer to do the defendin'. I'm the one who done it." ____________________________________________________ | Today, August 4 in 1735 Freedom of the press was established with an acquittal of John Peter Zenger. The writer of the New York Weekly Journal had been charged with seditious libel by the royal governor of New York. The jury said that "the truth is not libelous." 1753 George Washington became a Master Mason. 1790 The Revenue Cutter Service was formed. This U.S. naval task force was the beginning of the U.S. Coast Guard. 1914 Britain declared war on Germany. 1922 The death of Alexander Graham Bell, two days earlier, was recognized by AT&T and the Bell Systems by shutting down all of its switchboards and switching stations. The shutdown affected 13 million phones. 1944 Nazi police raided a house in Amsterdam and arrested eight people. Anne Frank, a teenager at the time, was one of the people arrested. Her diary would be published after her death. 1954 The uranium rush began in Saskatchewan, Canada. 1956 William Herz became the first person to race a motorcycle over 200 miles per hour. He was clocked at 210 mph. 1957 Florence Chadwick set a world record by swimming the English Channel in 6 hours and 7 minutes. 1957 Juan Fangio won his final auto race and captured the world auto driving championship. It was his fifth consecutive year to win. 1958 The first potato flake plant was completed in Grand Forks, ND. 1958 Billboard Magazine introduced its "Hot 100" chart, which was part popularity and a barometer of the movement of potential hits. The first number one song was Ricky Nelson's "Poor Little Fool." 1972 Arthur Bremer was found guilty of shooting George Wallace, the governor of Alabama. Bremer was sentenced to 63 years in prison. 1984 Upper Volta, an African republic, changed its name to Burkina Faso. 1987 The Fairness Doctrine was rescinded by the Federal Communications Commission. The doctrine had required that radio and TV stations present controversial issues in a balanced fashion. 1990 The European Community imposed an embargo on oil from Iraq and Kuwait. This was done to protest the Iraqi invasion of the oil-rich Kuwait. 1991 The Oceanos, a Greek luxury liner, sank off of South Africa's southeast coast. All of the 402 passengers and 179 crewmembers survived. 1994 Yugoslavia withdrew its support for Bosnian Serbs. The border between Yugoslavia and Serb-held Bosnia was sealed. 1997 Teamsters began a 15-day strike against UPS (United Parcel Service). The strikers eventually won an increase in full-time positions and defeated a proposed reorganization of the company's pension plan. 2007 NASA's Phoenix spacecraft was launched on a space exploration mission of Mars. The Phoenix lander descended on Mars on May 25, 2008. 2009 North Korean leader Kim Jong-il pardoned two American journalists, who had been arrested and imprisoned for illegal entry earlier in the year. 2018 Do smiled. |
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