| Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, December 23 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! | 1411If you like my work,
Please donate a dollar,
or two, if you can afford it!
Please, help me stay online!
|
___________________________________________________ History: on this day, December 23, in 1823, The poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas" by Clement C. Moore (" 'Twas the night before Christmas...") was published. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Man charged with robbing Starsucks after wife was denied $1.25 refund _____________________________________________________ Q Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. --- Frank Dane Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better. --- Socratex ____________________________________________________ >From BJ I had run across the term cyber sex a few times lately, so I decided to try to figure out what it meant. I figured it had something to do with the computer, so I started trying to find the sex drive on mine. I looked everywhere, in all the folders on the My Computer section, the add/uninstall software, install hardware part of the control panel, then I got out all the manuals and went through them. I finally came to the conclusion that my computer is not equipped with one. So, I decided to go to the computer store and see if I could buy one. I wanted to look intelligent and scholarly, so I wore my math hat. Well, the salesperson in the first store was a rather stern looking woman. I gave her the make and model of my computer and asked her if she had any sex drives in stock. She kinda scowled at me and asked me if I was trying to get smart with her. Figuring she had been impressed with my math hat, I replied that I tried to be smart with everyone. She said, rather rudely I thought, that she couldn't help me and walked away......huh, must not have had any in stock. In the second store, I gave the salesperson the make and model of my computer and asked it they had any sex drives in stock. He kind of snickered and asked if I meant a hard drive......I thought about it for a minute and told him yeah, maybe that, but I think I should already have one installed.....he started laughing at me....said something about me trying to kill him. You're killing me! something like that.... and walked away. Hmmmm, must be out here too...must be hard to keep in stock. I wasn't trying to kill him...I wasn't even hurting him. The guy in the third store laughed and asked me if I'd just fallen off the turnip truck. I assured him I'd never been on a turnip truck, but I'd fallen off the manure wagon a few times. He mumbled something about that explaining it.... she's fallen off the wagon, that explains it....like that and walked away laughing. The guy in the fourth store said something like boob under his breath and walked away. Wonder why he only noticed one? Anyway I figured they must not carry them in stores....maybe have to order from a catalog or something. So that's where I am now. If any of you have some computer skills and could help me locate my sex drive, I would appreciate it, then all I'd have to do is figure out what to do with it. __________________________________________________ A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage on a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep -- the man on the top bunk, and the woman on the lower. In the middle of the night the man leans over, wakes the woman and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket?" The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye, says, "I have a better idea, just for tonight, let's make pretend that we're married." The man says happily, "OK! Sure!" The woman says, "GOOD. Get your own damn blanket!" __________________________________________________ An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Richard Engle, 61, Harrah, Oklahoma, USA Man charged with robbing Starsucks after wife was denied $1.25 refund Oklahoma City police arrested a man they say robbed a local Starbucks because the store would not refund his wife $1.25 for a drink order. Richard Engle, 61, of Harrah is charged with robbery and assault. Officers said they were called the coffee shop chain Sunday evening. A barista told an officer that Engle had arrived at the store with his wife and demanded a $1.25 refund for a drink order. The wife had purchased the drink the day before. The barista said the shop couldnt issue a refund and advised the wife to call the corporate office. Police said when the barista wasnt looking, Engle stole money from the tip jar. Another customer alerted employees. According to a police report, the barista followed Engle to his car to get a picture of the rear license plate. Engle allegedly backed into the barista once and then again "one or two more times." However, the employee was able to snap a picture of the license plate, helping authorities track him down. Ramming a pedestrian on purpose is attempted murder with a deadly weapon. He will get better offee for a few years. ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couples house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house to see her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door. "What are you doing," the mother-in-law asked. "I am waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law replied. "Why are you naked," asked the mother-in-law. "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law replied. "LOVE DRESS! You are naked," said the mother-in-law. "But my husband loves it when I wear this dress. It makes him happy and he makes me happy," said the daughter-in-law. "I would appreciate your leaving now because my husband will be home any minute," the daughter-in-law continued. Soured by all of this romantic stuff, the mother-in-law left. On the way home, she thought about the "LOVE DRESS" and got an idea. She undressed, showered, applied her best perfume, and waited by the door for her husband to come home. Finally, the pickup truck drove up the drive way, and she took her place by the door. Her husband opened the door, and immediately saw his wife naked by the door. "What are you doing," he asked. "This is my love dress," the mother-in-law replied. "Needs ironing," he replied. He is not walking too well just yet. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Bearnap ______________________________________ >From Paul Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown. The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed! the garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it." You know where the button is," I protested through the shower (pitter- patter). "Reset it yourself!" "I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence. I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. Now when men feel pain or even sense danger anywhere close to their masculine region, they lose all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements. Instinctively, their nerves compel the body to contort inwardly, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed. Not even a well trained monk could calmly stand with his groin supporting the full weight of a kitten and rectify the situation in a step-by- step manner. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. Fleeing straight up, I knew at that moment how a cat feels when it is alarmed. It was a dismal irony. But, whereas cats seek great heights to escape, I never made it that far. The sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their work while suppressing their hysterical laughter. At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?" If they had only known. _______________________________________________ >From Lillemor During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level. He described a typical day this way: Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees. Inspired by the story, the doctor said,You must be one hell of an outdoorsman! NAH,he replied,I'm just a shitty golfer. __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ One of the teachers had a kindergartner come up to her and say that he found a frog. The teacher asked if the frog was alive or dead. The student said it was dead. The teacher asked how he knew. The boy said, "I pissed in it's ear." The teacher said, "You what???" He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said, 'PSST!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead." _______________________________________________________ _ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Elvira Re: How do I switch from Windos to Linux? Dear DearWebby I am going to switch the entire office to Linux. We had to get all new machines and they are all W10. W10 is ridiculous and everything takes a lot longer to get done. How do we go about the switch to Linux? Elvira Dear Elvira You can get "Linux on a stick", that you plug into a USB port. It works OK, especially if you use Open Office or Office Libre. It is considerably faster than Windows. Find a local penguin (Linux user), who is willing to do some consulting and question answering while you switch over. Ideally, of course, would be an existing employee, preferably the one, who recommended Linux. Linux is not more difficult, just different. It is like changing from small gasoline engines to big Diesel engines. That is why about 100% of servers run on Linux. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ When I was working in the Piggly Wiggly all those years ago, I noticed the sexy little blonde who dashed into the store to pick up a few items. She marched right to my "Express Lane". I was on the phone doing a price check. In a huff, blondie said, "Excuse me, I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out?" Without missing a beat, I looked her up and down, and said, "Hmmm. Not bad." ____________________________________________________ Today, December 23 in 1783, George Washington returned home to Mount Vernon, after the disbanding of his army following the Revolutionary War. 1788, Maryland voted to cede a 100-square-mile area for the seat of the national government. About two-thirds of the area became the District of Columbia. 1823, The poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas" by Clement C. Moore (" 'Twas the night before Christmas...") was published. 1834, English architect Joseph Hansom patented his 'safety cab', better known as the Hansom cab. 1852, The Theatre of Celestial John opened on Telegraph Hill in San Francisco, CA. It was the first Chinese theatre in the U.S. 1856, Ralph Collier was issued a U.S. patent for the first rotary egg beater with rotating parts. 1880, Thomas Edison incorporated the Edison Electric Light Company of Europe. 1888, Following a quarrel with Paul Gauguin, Dutch painter Vincent Van Gogh cut off part of his own earlobe. 1893, The Engelbert Humperdinck opera "Hansel und Gretel" was first performed, in Weimar, Germany. 1913, The Federal Reserve Bill was signed into law by U.S. President Woodrow Wilson. The act established 12 Federal Reserve Banks. 1919, The first ship designed to be used as an ambulance for the transport patients was launched. The hospital ship was named USS Relief and had 515 beds. 1922, The British Broadcasting Corporation began daily news broadcasts. 1930, Ruth Elizabeth Davis, an unknown actress, arrived in Hollywood, under contract to Universal Studios. Universal changed her name to Bette Davis for the movies. 1941, During World War II, American forces on Wake Island surrendered to the Japanese. 1942, Bob Hope agreed to entertain U.S. airmen in Alaska. It was the first of the traditional Christmas shows. 1943, "Hansel and Gretel," the opera, was televised on New York's WRBG. It was the first complete opera to be televised. 1947, John Bardeen, Walter H. Brattain and William Shockley invented the transistor. 1948, Former Japanese premier Hideki Tojo and six other Japanese war leaders were executed in Tokyo. They had been found guilty of crimes against humanity. 1953, Soviet secret police chief Lavrenti Beria and six of his associates were shot for treason following a secret trial. 1954, The Walt Disney movie "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" was released. 1965, A 70-mph speed limit was introduced in Britain. 1968, The crew of the U.S. Navy ship, Pueblo, was released by North Korea. The Captain of the Pueblo, Commander Lloyd M. Bucher, and 82 of his crew were held for 11 months after the ship was seized by North Korea because of suspected spying by the Americans. 1970, In New York, the topping out ceremony for original One World Trade Center (North Tower) took place. The South Tower's ceremony took place on July 19, 1971. 1981, NASA approved a plan to continue the Voyager II spacecraft on a trajectory that would take it within 66,000 miles of Uranus on July 24, 1986. 1986, The experimental airplane Voyager, piloted by Dick Rutan and Jeana Yeager, completed the first non-stop, around-the-world flight without refueling as it landed safely at Edwards Air Force Base in California. 1987, Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme, serving a life sentence for the attempted assassination of U.S. President Ford in 1975, escaped from the Alderson Federal Prison for Women in West Virginia. She was recaptured two days later. 1989, Ousted Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu and his wife, Elena, were captured as they were attempting to flee their country. 1990, Elections in Yugoslavia ended, leaving four of its six republics with non-Communist governments. 1995, A fire in Dabwali, India, killed 540 people, including 170 children, during a year-end party being held near the children's school. 1995, The bodies of 16 members of the Solar Temple religious sect were found in a clearing near Grenoble, France. 14 were presumed shot by two people who then committed suicide. 1997, Terry Nichols was convicted by a Denver jury on charges of conspiracy and involuntary manslaughter in the 1995 federal building bombing in Oklahoma City. The bomb killed 168 people. 1998, Guerrillas in south Lebanon fired dozens of rockets at northern Israel. 2022 Do smiled.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Go to TOP
Well, Do , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name,
or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me.
I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly
from then on.
If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't
have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me.
I will gladly enter them for you and send them a confirmation request.
To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to [email protected]
If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time,
then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription.
If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/sub.html
You can also UNsubscribe there.
If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter,
please unsubscribe by clicking the link below:
You are currently subscribed to the Regular HTML version with this address:
[email protected]
UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular HTMLversion Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter | . |
