Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, September 26 ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Fake Craigslist "Group Sex" Bust _____________________________________________________ Today, September 26 in 1985 Shamu was born at Sea World in Orlando, FL. Shamu was the first killer whale to survive being born in captivity. _____________________________________________________ Formerly, when religion was strong and science weak, men mistook magic for medicine; now, when science is strong and religion weak, men mistake medicine for magic. --- Thomas Szasz _____________________________________________________ A Florida officer pulls over eighty-six-year-old Mrs. Pooshpa because her hand signals were confusing. "First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left," said the officer. "I decided not to turn right," she explains. "Then why the up and down?" asks the officer. "Officer," she sniffs, "I was erasing!" _____________________________________________________ Maia Matar ___________________________________________________ An old man decided his old wife was getting hard of hearing. So he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. The Doctor said he could see her in two weeks, and meanwhile there's a simple, informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the dimensions of the problem. "Here's what you do. Start about 40 feet away from her, and speak in a normal conversational tone and see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response." So that evening she's in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room, and he says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." "Honey, what's for supper?" No response. So he moves to the other end of the room, about 30 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?" No response. So he moves into the dining room, about 20 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?" No response. On to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?". No response. So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for supper?" "For the fifth time," she screams, "CHICKEN!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Philip James Conran, 42, West Hartford, Connecticut, USA Fake Craigslist "Group Sex" Bust In a bid to torment a female neighbor with whom he was fighting, the Connecticut man allegedly placed a phony Craigslist ad directing men seeking 'group sex' to the woman's home, police charge. Conran, a 42-year-old chef, today made his initial court appearance in connection with reckless endangerment and harassment counts filed as a result of the fake April 5 online classified. Investigators tied Conran to the Craigslist 'casual encounters' posting--which was purportedly placed by a 'West Hartford soccer mom' and headlined 'looking for lust'--through an analysis of records obtained from Craigslist and AT&T Internet Services, according to an arrest affidavit. When cops tracked an IP address to Conran's home, he confessed to posting the 'party sex' ad directing men to next-door neighbor Terry Sharp's Dartmouth Avenue home. Conran, free on $75,000 bond, is the second person to be arrested as a result of the Craigslist posting. Richard Zeh, one of about a dozen men who showed up to answer the ad, was charged with burglary, sexual assault, and trespassing after he groped and made obscene comments to a 18-year-old woman. Zeh, a 29- year-old personal trainer, accosted the woman after mistakenly going to the wrong West Hartford address. Zeh told police that he was 'bored' when he decided to answer the Craigslist ad. He acknowledged that the button on his shorts had 'fallen off' and that his 'pubic hair and his erect penis could have been sticking out of his pants' when he walked into the teenager's residence. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Maryann RE: Colors in W10 Dear Webby, It used to be easy to change colors for different components of Windows, so of course they screwed that up with W10. How is it done now? I want to change the colors of SELECTED items. Since apparently nobody selects the f*ggy liberals, that word is no longer in there. How is it done now? Thanks Maryann Dear Maryann Yes, the unselected liberals did indeed murder the word SELECTED. The politically correct term is now "Accented". Yeah, how schdooopid is THAT! Click on START, SETTINGS, PESONALIZATION, COLORS. In there you can mess around all you want. Make 300% sure you do NOT choose "High Contrast" unless the lid on the dumpster is open. That setting will screw everything up. Other than that, you might wind up with a weird color scheme, but you can safely reverse that and get back to usable colors. And "SELECTED" is now "Accented". Excuse me while I puke! Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag. Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience. "And the Americans, they are so friendly!" he concluded. "Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, 'Jose, can you see?'" ____________________________________________ A 4-year-old boy who was asked to return thanks before Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip. Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?" ____________________________________________ Spotted in a toilet of a London office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW. In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN? In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD. Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR. Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES. Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS. On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK). ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today September 26 in 1777 Philadelphia was occupied by British troops during the American Revolutionary War. 1789 Thomas Jefferson was appointed America's first Secretary of 1908 In "The Saturday Evening Post" an ad for the Edison Phonograph appeared. 1918 During World War I, the Meuse-Argonne offensive against the Germans began. It was the final Allied offensive on the western front. 1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of Seoul from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict. 1955 The New York Stock Exchange suffered its worst decline since 1929 when the word was released concerning U.S. President Eisenhower's heart attack. 1960 The first televised debate between presidential candidates Richard M. Nixon and John F. Kennedy took place in Chicago, IL. 1962 "The Beverly Hillbillies" premiered on CBS-TV. 1980 The Cuban government abruptly closed Mariel Harbor to end the freedom flotilla of Cuban refugees that began the previous April. 1981 The Boeing 767 made its maiden flight in Everett, WA. 1984 Britain and China initialed a draft agreement on the future of Hong Kong when the Chinese take over ruling the British Colony. 1985 Shamu was born at Sea World in Orlando, FL. Shamu was the first killer whale to survive being born in captivity. 1986 William H. Rehnquist became chief justice of the U.S. Supreme Court following the retirement of Warren Burger. 1991 Four men and four women began their two-year stay inside the "Biosphere II." The project was intended to develop technology for future space colonies. 1993 The eight people who had stayed in "Biosphere II" emerged from their sealed off environment. It was scrapped when they got caught ordering pizza. 1996 Shannon Lucid returned to Earth after being in space for 188 days. she set a time record for a U.S. astronaut in space and in the world for time spent by a woman in space. 2000 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Born-Alive Infants Protection Act. The act states that an infant would be considered to have been born alive if he or she is completely extracted or expelled from the mother and breathes and has a beating heart and definite movement of the voluntary muscles. 2000 Slobodan Milosevic conceded that Vojislav Kostunica had won Yugoslavia's presidential election and declared a runoff. The declared runoff prompted mass protests. 2001 In Kabul, Afghanistan, the abandoned U.S. Embassy was stormed by protesters. It was the largest anti-Amercian protest since the terror attacks on New York City and Washington, DC, on September 11. 2001 Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and Israeli Foreign Minister Shimon Peres announced plans to formalize a cease-fire and end a year of fighting in the region. 2006 Facebook was openened to everyone at least 13 years or older with a valid email address. 2020 Do smiled. |
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