Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, November 13 Ice Age is Coming! ____________________________________________________ Today, November 13 in  1805 Johann George Lehner, a Viennese butcher, invented a recipe and called it the "frankfurter." When the recipe eventually reached Frankfurt, the sausages were called Wieners there. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: British firefighter got lookalike to take DNA test to avoid paying child maintenance  _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  _______________________________________________ The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it. --- C. P. Snow (1905 - 1980) The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer. --- Henry Kissinger (1923 - ) _______________________________________________ Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age. At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt. ________________________________________________`   ____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Simon Jordan, 33, Jason Coles, 33, Shrewsbury, UK  British firefighter got lookalike to take DNA test to avoid paying child maintenance  A firefighter who enlisted the help of a friend to try and get out of paying child maintenance has been spared jail for the offence. Simon Jordan, 33, denied that he was the father to a baby born to a nurse and agreed to take a paternity test to avoid handing over 16,000. However, he enlisted the help of his mate Jason Lee Coles, 33, because the two look similar. Coles provided him with a DNA sample and photo ID. But the mother of Jordan's child was adamant that he was the father and the Child Support Agency launched an investigation. Jordan will have to pay the 16,000 and has now got a criminal record. They discovered the scam and the two men were taken to Shrewsbury Crown Court where they admitted conspiracy to commit fraud between July 20 and August 24, 2017. Jordan now owes the woman the money and was given a 12-month prison sentence suspended for 18 months. He will also have to carry out 200 hours of community service. Coles was given a six-month prison sentence suspended for a year and will also have to do 200 hours of community service. Judge Peter Barrie said: 'People must take responsibility for the outcome if a child is conceived whatever the circumstances might be. 'If you now accept that you are the father then this offence was an attempt to avoid paying by deceiving the child support authorities by providing a test that would not support your paternity. 
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Anna Re: Recognize a scammer  Dear Webby, I got a request to accept a Facebook Friend request, by supposedly a person, who has been a "friend" for many years, but who has been mostly just a quiet lurker. So I figured, that was phony and ignore it. Well, somehow he/she/it was approved anyway and sent a message, that included the tell-tale phrase you had warned us about:"heard about the good news". So I ignored it for now and wrote to you instead. What do you recommend? Anna  Dear Anna If a mostly quiet FB friend suddenly becomes active with stuff like this: "Good to hear from you God have answer my prayers have you heard about the good news" then that is from a hacker, trying to con you into some nefarious BS, usually a "Nigerian" or "419" scam, where they expect you to pay first, before they will send you gold or big money. Since your friend would not likely be trying to talk you into a 419 scam, you know that her or his account has been hacked and some silly hacker is trying to con you. You can report them, which works, but is rather klutzy unless you do it frequently. The faster and funnier alternative is to tell the hacker off in the raunchiest cuss words that you can think of. Mention 419 in your rant, and use any forbidden words, that will ring alarm bells at FaceBook and have everybody looking at what you have done now. They will see "419" in your rant, and the scammer gets kicked to hell within about 3 seconds. That method is much faster than the official reporting, and more fun too. Have FUN! DearWebby 
 Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
 >From Mona "Ow!" I yelled. My hand had been stuck with a piece of wood from a wicker laundry basket. "I got a splinter under my fingernail," I called to my husband in the next room. Ever the wise guy, he yelled back, "What were you doing, scratching your head?" 
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 I WAS WITH A GROUP of Air Force officers touring the battleship New Jersey, and we had to do a great deal of climbing up and down and twisting around inside the ship. As we emerged onto the deck where we had started the tour, one of our group exclaimed, "Now I understand why a captain goes down with his ship. He can't find his way out of it!" ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com  Thriftyfun.com Storing Potatoes  Store potatoes in a cool (40F), dark place for months. Do not allow potatoes to freeze. Potatoes should be stored in a bin that is at least a few inches off the ground but not piled more than 18 inches deep.  Where I grew up, most houses had a potato cellar that had at least a quarter of the floor just packed dirt. The rest, and walkways were concrete or boardwalks. Folk wisdom said that potatoes needed the gases emerging from the earth, otherwise they would not last until the next harvest. The potatoes were in wooden bins sitting on 2x4's. That trick worked fine for us and we always still had some old potatoes, when we started harvesting the new ones. Even if you can't grow potatoes, it's still worth storing them if you have a basement. By spring potatoes in the store often cost three times as much as at harvest time. Have FUN! DearWebby  Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml ____________________________________________________  
  
 
Incredibly Patient Artist Hand-Carves a Delicate Chain from Pencil Lead 
 ___________________________________________________ >From Claudia A SINGLE PARENT, I was planning to marry an Air Force captain, and we wondered how my two children would adjust. So the captain and I gathered the kids to explain our wedding plans and new life together. My 11-year-old son looked up at me with a pained expression on his face. "Mom," he said, "will I have to get my hair cut like his?" ___________________________________________________ AS A C-130 PILOT in the Air National Guard, I drive to my base several times a month for practice flights, wearing my flight suit. On the way home late one night, my car's engine quit, and I coasted to a stop within sight of an isolated farmhouse. When I knocked on the door, a young woman answered. "I was on my way home from the Guard air base, but ran out of gas," I explained, holding up a one-gallon gas can to make my predicament clear. "May I use your telephone?" The woman stared at my flight suit and stammered, "But where did you land?" ___________________________________________________ Customer: Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop? Waiter: Can't you tell the difference by taste? Customer: No, I can't. Waiter: Then does it really matter? __________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, November 13 in 1775 During the American Revolution, U.S. forces captured Montreal. 1805 Johann George Lehner, a Viennese butcher, invented a recipe and called it the "frankfurter." When the recipe eventually reached Frankfurt, the sausages were called Wieners there. 1927 The Holland Tunnel opened to the public, providing access between New York City and New Jersey beneath the Hudson River. 1933 In Austin, MN, the first sit-down labor strike in America took place. 1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a measure lowering the minimum draft age from 21 to 18. 1956 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down laws calling for racial segregation on public buses. 1971 The U.S. spacecraft Mariner 9 became the first spacecraft to orbit another planet, Mars. 1982 The Vietnam Veterans Memorial was dedicated in Washington, DC. 1984 A libel suit against Time, Inc. by former Israeli Defense Minister Ariel Sharon went to trial in New York. 1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan publicly acknowledged that the U.S. had sent "defensive weapons and spare parts" to Iran. He denied that the shipments were sent to free hostages, but that they had been sent to improve relations. 1994 Sweden voted to join the European Union. 1997 Iraq expelled six U.N. arms inspectors that were U.S. citizens. 1998 Monica Lewinsky signed a deal with St. Martin's Press for the North American rights to her story about her affair with U.S. President Bill Clinton. 2001 U.S. President George W. Bush signed an executive order that would allow for military tribunals to try any foreigners captured with connections to the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001. It was the first time since World War II that a president had taken such action. 2006 A deal was finalized for Google Inc. to acquire YouTube for $1.65 billion in Google stock. 2009 NASA announced that water had been discoved on the moon. The discovery came from the planned impact on the moon of the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite (LCROSS). 2019 Do smiled.