Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, April 1 In case you missed it, because it was an executive order by Trump, or just ignored it because it was from Trump, today is the day that the US is becoming independent from Britain and switching to the decimal system. Now everything is based on the circumference of the earth, and measurable, not on the length of a dick of a long buried British king. Even though the rest of the world has become independent of Britain and has accepted the much easier decimal system many years ago, there are still plenty of sites explaining it. Basically, in the metric system temperatures are Zero for freezing and 100 for boiling. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Kansas Woman arrested for hit-and-run, shooting, murder ___________________________________________________ Today, April 1 in 1889 The first dishwashing machine was marketed (in Chicago). ____________________________________________________ Silent gratitude isn't very much use to anyone. --- Gertrude Stein (1874 - 1946) ____________________________________________________ A doting father used to sing his little children to sleep until he overheard the four-year-old tell the three-year-old, "If you pretend you're asleep, he stops." ____________________________________________________ Dentist to Patient: "Would you help me out? I'd like you to give a few of your loudest screams?" Patient: "Why, Doc? I didn't feel a thing!" Dentist: "I know, but there are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the five o'clock hockey game." ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Andy was reading the paper while his son was doing homework on the opposite side of the table. "Dad", his son asked, "how many people work in the Government?" Without looking up, Andy responded: "Oh, about a quarter of them." __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Charity Blackmon, 31, Wichita, Kansas, USA Kansas Woman arrested for hit-and-run, shooting, murder A 31-year-old woman accused of running over and then shooting a man on Friday, March 26, has been charged with first-degree murder. Charity Blackmon made her first appearance on Tuesday, March 30, where she was also charged criminal possession of a weapon by a felon. According to Wichita police, 54-year-old Merrill Rabus was riding his bike at the intersection of Oliver and 13th when Blackmon hit him with her vehicle and then shot him. Rabus was transported to the hospital where he later died. Witnesses followed Blackmon as she left the scene which led police to locate and arrest her. Kansas Department of Corrections records show Blackmon was previously convicted of criminal damage to property, aggravated endangering a child and aggravated assault. Blackmon's next appearance is scheduled for April 8. Her bond is set at $250,000.According to Wichita police, 54-year-old Merrill Rabus was riding his bike at the intersection of Oliver and 13th when Blackmon hit him with her vehicle and then shot him. Rabus was transported to the hospital where he later died. Witnesses followed Blackmon as she left the scene which led police to locate and arrest her. Kansas Department of Corrections records show Blackmon was previously convicted of criminal damage to property, aggravated endangering a child and aggravated assault. Blackmon's next appearance is scheduled for April 8. Her bond is set at $250,000. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Char Re: How to load files onto a camera chip? Dear Webby I love the idea of using camera chips! I have lots of them in a box that originally held fancy Swiss chocolates. And they are all labelled with one of those Nissen Markers that you recommended a dozen years ago. They are amazing, especially when hubby does not borrow them and forget to bring tham back. I know where his big Snap-On tool chest is, and he always stashes it in the top drawer. So, labeling the camera chips is no problem. The problem is how do I copy files to a chip? Thanks Char Dear Char Many computers nowadays have a slot for sticking those camera chips into. With those, that don't, get a chip reader from Walmart or Staples. They are from $5 to $15, and plug into any USB port. When you stick a chip into the reader, Windows will ask you what you want to do with it. Select view files or anything like that. After that you can drag files to it, view files on it, etc. It behaves as if it was a regular folder on your computer. You can even edit files. If a file has a ridiculous file size, hit it and your default graphics editor will open it, and you can crop or shrink it. You can even make a CALC or Excel spreadsheet and lit the pictures, with smart-ass comments, and save that to the computer with a copy on the chip. Chips are like additional hard drives. If you use them for back-up, you can store the chip at your bank safety deposit box. And Microsoft won't be able to view and laugh about your knitting. Have FUN! DearWebby A group of friends who prided themselves on their intelligence set out to have a contest of wits. Each person in turn asked a question, and anyone who volunteered an answer that was wrong dropped out. If no one could answer,the questioner himself had to answer, and if he was wrong,he dropped out. Each dropout had to put $5 into the pot. Eventually the matter boiled down to Thompson and Brown, and the erudition of each one boiled up so that both were held even for half an hour. Finally Thompson said, "How does a gopher dig a hole without leaving a mound of sand at the lip?" Brown thought about that and said, "I can't answer that. However, since it's your question, you had better answer it." Thompson said coolly, as he reached for the accumulated pile of bills. "Easy. The gopher starts at the bottom of the hole and that's where he leaves the sand." "Hold on," said Brown heatedly, grasping Thompson's wrist to prevent him from taking the pot. "How does the gopher get to the bottom of the hole in the first place?" "That's YOUR question," said Thompson as he took the money. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ That reminds me: Worried about becoming efficient January 6, 2007 - UK - Ananova Black tape is being stuck on civil servants' desks to show them where to put their keyboard and pens - at a cost of 7million. Union officials slammed the efficiency drive as "madness" and added: "It's demoralising and demeaning." Workers at the National Insurance offices in Longbenton, North Tyneside, were picked for the pilot project. The Public and Commercial Services Union's Kevin McHugh said: "This office has been open for 60 years and people have managed to find their pens and staplers without consultants helping them in that time. The black-tape project is part of the nationwide Lean programme, run by consultants Unipart, which has already required staff to move their personal belongings off desks. The PCSU said: "We had a situation in Scotland where staff were asked, 'Is that banana on your desk active or inactive?' meaning were they going to eat it? If not, it had to be cleared away. It's madness." But a HM Revenue and Customs spokesman said: "Lean is all about how we can work more efficiently to deliver an even better service to customers." ----------------------------------------- It's not a matter of eventually finding a stapler, but of finding it in a reasonable time. And correct keyboard placement makes the difference between carpal tunnel syndrome or not. It seems to me the PCSU is just worried that, if efficiency breaks out in British government offices, half of their members would be out of work. ____________________________________________ An airliner is coming into land at an airport obscured by fog. Visibility is practically nil, the ILS system is on the blink, so the pilot has to land on wits alone. "Flaps, check," he says to the co-pilot, "Landing Gear, check. Altitude, check. Right, we're going in. Hold on." The plane lands and comes to a screeching, grinding halt; just short of the edge of the runway. "Holy Cow!" exclaims the pilot, "This must be the shortest runway I've ever landed on!" The co-pilot looks left and right and says "Yeah, and about the widest, too..." ____________________________________________ That reminds me of a landing in Burwash in the Yukon in 71. Burwash is at the end of Kluane Lake, beside Kluane National Park. Very scenic. Also the worlds windiest airport. There was a short dirt taxi-way and parking area between the gravel runway and the occasionally staffed airport building. We used an old Piper Cub to get from there to Tincup Lake, where another guy and me were pretending to be carpenters and built a big fishing lodge without anybody ever catching on that we were learning carpentry as we went. We stayed in tents at Tincup Lake and once a week flew out to Burwash for hot showers and a meal that we did not have to poach, to pick up nails and other supplies, and to flirt at the waitresses. Top speed of the old souped up Cub was about 85 miles per hour when the tank was near empty. This one day the wind was 80, gusting to 90. Just before Burwash our route was near the Alaska Highway. Cars on the highway below sure looked fast whenever we were drifting backwards! When we finally got to the airport, we realized that there was just no way we would be able to taxi from the runway across the wind over to the parking area without getting flipped sideways. Gerry, who was just as crazy as me, hovered over the taxi way like a tethered kite and slowly forced the plane down to the tiedowns. The tiedowns were 55 gallon drums filled with cast iron engine blocks and old batteries. When we were low enough, I climbed out onto the wing to wheel support strut, and while hanging on with one hand and one leg, fished for the rope on the first barrel. After a few tries I got hold of it and cinched down the left wing. With the engine still running at full blast, I clambered over to the other side, being careful not to touch the ground and taking any weight off the little plane, and finally tied down that side, just before we ran out fuel. After climbing out, Gerry tied the stick to the seat, -yes, the front had a real seat, not just a cooler- so that the wind forced the tail down. Then we carried a couple of 10 gallon drums filled with concrete and chains over to the tail to tie it down. It's amazing how fast you can run while carrying those drums, when you are in a hurry and you have an 80 mile per hour wind at your back! The waitresses in Burwash didn't want us to fly back that night and managed to persuade us to spend the night. By morning the wind had slowed down considerably, but we didn't need the real runway. The width of the taxi strip was plenty. ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, April 1 in 0527 Justinianus became the emperor of Byzantium. 1572 The Sea Beggars under Guillaume de la Marck landed in Holland and captured the small town of Briel. 1621 The Plymouth, MA, colonists created the first treaty with Native Americans. 1748 The ruins of Pompeii were found. 1778 Oliver Pollock, a New Orleans businessman, created the "$" symbol. 1789 The U.S. House of Representatives held its first full meeting in New York City. Frederick Muhlenberg of Pennsylvania was elected the first House Speaker. 1793 In Japan, the volcano Unsen erupted killing about 53,000. 1826 Samuel Mory patented the internal combustion engine. 1853 Cincinnati became the first U.S. city to pay fire fighters a regular salary. 1863 The first wartime conscription law went into effect in the U.S. 1865 At the Battle of Five Forks in Petersburg, VA, Gen. Robert E. Lee began his final offensive. 1867 Blacks voted in the municipal election in Tuscumbia, AL. 1867 The International Exhibition opened in Paris. 1867 Singapore, Penang & Malakka became British crown colonies. 1873 The British White Star steamship Atlantic sank off Nova Scotia killing 547. 1881 Anti-Jewish riots took place in Jerusalem. 1889 The first dishwashing machine was marketed (in Chicago). 1891 The London-Paris telephone connection opened. 1891 The William Wrigley Jr. Company was founded in Chicago, IL. The company is most known for its Juicy Fruit gum. 1905 The British East African Protectorate became the colony of Kenya. 1905 Paris and Berlin were linked by telephone. 1918 England's Royal Flying Corps was replaced by the Royal Air Force. 1924 Adolf Hitler was sentenced to five years in prison for high treason in relation to the "Beer Hall Putsch." 1924 Imperial Airways was formed in Britain. 1927 The first automatic record changer was introduced by His Master's Voice. 1928 China's Chiang Kai-shek began attacking communists. 1929 Louie Marx introduced the Yo-Yo. 1930 Leo Hartnett of the Chicago Cubs broke the altitude record for a catch by catching a baseball dropped from the Goodyear blimp 800 feet over Los Angeles, CA. 1931 An Earthquake devastated Managua Nicaragua killing 2,000. 1933 Nazi Germany began the persecution of Jews by boycotting Jewish businesses. 1935 The first radio tube to be made of metal was announced. 1937 Aden became a British colony. 1938 The first commercially successful fluorescent lamps were introduced. 1939 The U.S. recognized the Franco government in Spain at end of Spanish civil war. 1941 The first contract for advertising on a commercial FM radio station began on W71NY in New York City. 1945 U.S. forces invaded Okinawa during World War II. It was the last campaign of World War II. 1946 Weight Watchers was formed. 1946 A tidal wave (tsunami) struck the Hawaiian Islands killing more than 170 people. 1948 The Berlin Airlift began. 1950 Italian Somalia became a United Nations trust territory under Italian administration. 1952 The Big Bang theory was proposed in "Physical Review" by Alpher, Bethe & Gamow. 1960 France exploded 2 atom bombs in the Sahara Desert. 1960 The U.S. launched TIROS-1. It was the first weather satellite. 1963 Workers of the International Typographical Union ended their strike that had closed nine New York City newspapers. The strike ended 114 days after it began on December 8, 1962. 1970 The U.S. Army charged Captain Ernest Medina in the My Lai massacre. 1971 The United Kingdom lifted all restrictions on gold ownership. 1972 North Vietnamese and Viet Cong troops renewed their offensive in South Vietnam. 1973 Japan allowed its citizens to own gold. 2021 Do smiled. |
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