Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, July 8 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! ___________________________________________________ History on this day, July 8, in 1981, The Solar Challenger became the frist solar-powered airplane to cross the English Channel. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Florida kidnapper shot in the head and and arrested __________________________________________________ The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) A month in the laboratory can often save an hour in the library. --- Frank Westheimer _________________________________________________ >From Patrick I live across the street from a church. When my wife's puppy escaped from the back yard we went looking for it. She went off in the car and I started to walk around the church, calling the dog's name. I didn't think anything of it until I noticed some strange looks from people walking in the area. The dog's name is Moses. __________________________________________________ The obituary editor of a newspaper was not one to admit his mistakes easily. One day he got a phone call from an irate subscriber. The caller complained that his name had been printed in the obituary column. "Really?" replied the editor calmly. "And where are you calling from?" __________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tzvi Asher Allswang, Boca Raton, Florida, USA Florida kidnapper shot in the head and and arrested The photo you see above is Tzvi Asher Allswang, the man that a Palm Beach County Sheriffs Deputy shot in the head while rescuing a woman being held hostage. Allswang was just transferred from an area hospital to the Palm Beach County Jail. You can see that his head is still swollen after being shot at. The Palm Beach County Sheriffs Office responded to 22147 Larkspur Trail early Saturday morning for what was described as a welfare check. They allegedly found Allswang holding a duck-taped woman at knifepoint. A deputy fired and hit Allswang in the head. Tzvi Asher Allswang is now charged with sexual assault with a woman, forced sexual battery of a victim twelve years old of age or older, kidnap, and attempted homicide, premeditated. He is being held in the Palm Beach County Jail without bond. The deputy involved, who we are not identifying at this time, was placed on paid administrative leave while investigating into the shooting continues. ___________________________________________________ Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya." "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..." "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, no Brenda... no." "No?" "Fact is, he got out three times to pee." ___________________________________________________ A Pastor was called to a local nursing home to perform a wedding. An anxious old man met him at the door. The pastor sat down to counsel the old man and asked several questions. "Do you love her?" The old man replied, "Nope." "Is she a good Christian woman?" "I don't know for sure," the old man answered. "Does she have lots of money?" asked the pastor. "I doubt it." "Then why are you marrying her?" the preacher asked. "Cause she can drive at night," the old man said. __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ A college student with a young child was pleased when her daughter became eligible to attend the day care center at the University. The director of the day care gave the mother a tour of the facilities. To assure herself of the center's high standards, the young mother asked about the curriculum. "Well," said the director, eyes twinkling, "today we are studying the children's favorite philosopher: Play-Doh." ____________________________________________________ Santisouk Long Eared Owl (Calgary SE ___________________________________________________ Keli was studying to be a counselor always went into her counseling sessions with an ear muff over one ear. After a while the supervisor became very curious and asked her about it. Keli replied, "It's for confidentiality." "Confidentiality?" asked the bewildered supervisor. "Yes, confidentiality," Keli explained, "I've been told what goes in one ear comes out the other, and I don't want anyone else knowing what my client says." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ An Indian chief thinks it's going to be a cold winter. So he instructs his tribe to collect firewood. To double- check his prediction, the chief calls the National Weather Service and asks a meteorologist if the winter is going to be a cold one. The man responds, "According to our indicators, we think it might." So the chief tells his people to find extra wood, just in case. A week later he calls the National Weather Service again, and they confirm that a harsh winter is headed their way. The chief orders all of his people to scavenge every scrap of wood they can. Two weeks later he calls the National weather Service again and asks, "Are you absolutely sure this winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replies. "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy." ___________________________________________________ DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Erin Re: How to print a PDF file? Dear Webby, A govt office sent me a link to a PDF file in email. How do I print that? Erin Dear Erin Since Gmail has confiscated the SMTP of most email providers, you too probably use Gmail now. Just click on the thilly PDF file, and select print. If you need to edit the file, use Open Office or Office Libre. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ NASA misplaced their $159 mil Contour space craft somewhere over the Indian Ocean while attempting to boost same into orbit. (USA Today) The FBI has vowed to join in the search as soon as they find their laptops. ___________________________________________________ Our Lamaze Class Included A Tour Of The Pediatric Wing Of The Hospital. When A New Baby Was Brought Into The Nursery, All The Women Tried To Guess Its Weight, But The Guy Standing Next To Me Was The Only Male To Venture A Number. "Looks Like 9 Pounds," He Offered Confidently. "This Must Not Be Your First," I Said. "Oh, Yes," He Said. "It's My First." "Then How Would You Know The Weight Of A Baby?" I Asked. He Shrugged. "I'm A Fisherman." _____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________ Daniel Patrick Western Tanager, Alberta ____________________________________________________ No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. When your Mom is MAD at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. Never trust an overweight teenager to watch your food. Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot. Writing on desks and getting caught can teach you more Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a tic- tac. Puppies will probably have worse breath after eating a whole bowl of tic-tacs The carpet will have really really bad breath when you feed the puppy cotton candy to try to sweeten his breath and he pukes. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. OK, try it but just once OK, but stop when you run out of cats. School lunches stick to the wall. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere-and let the air out of their tires. If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. Forget the health food. Try preservatives instead. You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. Two pounds of candy can make a person gain five pounds. God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever. When you get to the stage of life when you know all the answers,people will stop asking you the questions. Time is an amazing healer, but it's also a lousy beautician. Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes. ___________________________________________________ A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one- third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
| Today, July 8, in 1099, Christian soldiers on the First Crusade march around Jerusalem. 1608, The first French settlement at Quebec was established by Samuel de Champlain. 1663, King Charles II of England granted a charter to Rhode Island. 1693, Uniforms for police in New York City were authorized. 1709, Peter the Great defeated Charles XII at Poltava, in the Ukraine, The Swedish empire was effectively ended. 1755, Britain broke off diplomatic relations with France as their disputes in the New World intensified. 1776, Col. John Nixon gave the first public reading of the U.S. Declaration of Independence to a crowd at Independence Square in Philadelphia. 1794, French troops captured Brussels, Belgium. 1795, Kent County Free School changed its name to Washington College. It was the first college to be named after U.S. President George Washington. The school was established by an act of the Maryland Assembly in 1723. 1815, Louis XVIII returned to Paris after the defeat of Napoleon. 1865, C.E. Barnes patented the machine gun. 1879, The first ship to use electric lights departed from San Francisco, CA. 1881, Edward Berner, druggist in Two Rivers, WI, poured chocolate syrup on ice cream in a dish. To this time chocolate syrup had only been used for making ice-cream sodas. 1889, The Wall Street Journal was first published. 1889, John L. Sullivan defeated Jake Kilrain, in the last championship bare-knuckle fight. The fight lasted 75 rounds. 1907, Florenz Ziegfeld staged his first "Follies" on the roof of the New York Theater in New York City. 1919, U.S. President Wilson returned from the Versailles Peace Conference in France. 1950, General Douglas MacArthur was named commander-in- chief of United Nations forces in Korea. 1953, Notre Dame announced that the next five years of its football games would be shown in theatres over closed circuit TV. 1960, The Soviet Union charged Gary Powers with espionage. He was shot down in a U-2 spy plane. 1963, All Cuban-owned assets in the United States were frozen. 1969, The U.S. Patent Office issued a patent for the game "Twister." 1981, The Solar Challenger became the frist solar-powered airplane to cross the English Channel. 1986, Kurt Waldheim was inaugurated as president of Austria despite controversy over his alleged ties to Nazi war crimes. 1997, The Mayo Clinic and the U.S. government warned that the diet-drug combination known as "fen-phen" could cause serious heart and lung damage. 1997, NATO invited Poland, Hungary, and the Czech Republic to join the alliance in 1999. 2000, J.K. Rowling's "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" was released in the U.S. It was the fourth Harry Potter book. 2010, The Solar Impulse completed the first 24-hour flight by a solar powered plane. 2022 Do! smiled. |
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