Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, June 28 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! _____________________________________________________ Today, Jun 1778 Mary "Molly Pitcher" Hays McCauley, wife of an American artilleryman, carried water to the soldiers during the Battle of Monmouth and, supposedly, took her husband's place at his gun after he was overcome with heat. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Phony Uber Driver Abducted Women ! ! ! ! _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ Anybody who has doubts about the ingenuity or the resourcefulness of a plumber never got a bill from one. --- George Meany An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. --- Socratex _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant. ______________________________________________________` _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tommy Wayne Beard, 62, Northport, Alabama Phony Uber Driver Abducted Women An Alabama man who posed as an Uber driver to pick up intoxicated women has been charged with kidnapping and could face additional crimes in connection with his predatory scheme. Tommy Wayne Beard, 62, targeted young women who became inebriated after spending time at bars in Tuscaloosa. Beard, seen below, lives in Northport, a Tuscaloosa suburb. Beard was first arrested in March after a sheriff's deputy spotted a suspicious vehicle parked on the side of a highway around 1:30 AM. As recounted in a court filing, when the cop spoke to Beard, who was outside the vehicle, the suspect appeared to have an erection. Subsequent investigation determined that Beard was wearing fully erect artificial male genitalia. While questioning Beard, deputies saw a young, college-aged female unconscious in the back seat of Beard's vehicle. Beard, cops say, identified himself as an Uber driver and said he was taking the female passenger home. But when officers woke the woman--a 22-year-old University of Alabama student--she could only recall leaving a downtown Tuscaloosa bar. While the woman lived only half-a-mile from the bar, she was found in Beard's car nearly seven miles away from where she had been picked up. The vehicle had been stopped by police less than a quarter-mile from Beard's residence. Beard later reportedly admitted that he did not work for Uber, though his car had an Uber vehicle mounted light on his dashboard (which cops seized). A search of the vehicle yielded a loaded firearm, while cops also confiscated Beard's phone, his artificial male genitalia, and a bottle of hair conditioner. A subsequent examination of Beard's phone revealed photos of another clothed young female focusing on her breast and crotch area. The woman appeared to be unconscious in the back seat of Beard's vehicle. Beard was initially charged with abducting the college student with the intent to inflict physical injury...or violate or abuse sexually. As police continued their investigation, Beard was released from custody on $45,000 bond. A search of Beard's residence turned up electronic devices that helped police identify two additional female victims. One of those women was found last year walking out of the woods, unaware of how she had gotten there. Beard's phone, cops say, contained contact information for the woman. Beard has been charged with two felony kidnapping counts, as well as impersonating a ride share driver. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Darlene Re: Getting rid of Yahoo tool bar Dear Webby I don't know how but somehow I keep getting the Yahoo Toolbar up on my screen and I despise it. How can I get rid of it permanently? Thanks for all the great advice and the humour every day. Darlene Dear Darlene go to your control panel select add/remove program and scroll down till you see the yahoo toolbar listing. Left click on it and it will ask you if you want to delete/change that program Click yes That gets rid of the silly nuisance. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Students should not spend more than 90 minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner: 15 minutes looking for assignment. 11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment. 23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children. 8 minutes in the bathroom. 10 minutes getting a snack. 7 minutes checking the TV Guide. 6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment. 10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
On some air bases, the military is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day, on just such a field, the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If you are a commercial airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If you are an Air Force aircraft, it is 1500 hours. If you are a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If you are an Army aircraft, it's about 5 hours till sunset. If you are a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon. If you are in the National Guard, it's still a couple of hours too early for Happy Hour at the airport bar." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com "Faux" Hamburger Fool your finicky eaters with low-fat ground turkey. The trick, add some browning sauce to mixture as you are frying it. It turns the turkey browner, more like hamburger (and doesn't change the clean taste much at all!). thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ | | American Friends of Italian Monumental Sculpture |
___________________________________________________ A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher. The note read: "Bill Jones having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." ___________________________________________________ The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200. They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again. They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side." The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Illinois?" The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Illinois?" The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Illinois." __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
At a party, a woman walked up to Calvin Coolidge and said, "My husband bet me I couldn't get three words out of you." Coolidge replied "You lose." ___________________________________________________ | Today, June 28 in 1635 The French colony of Guadeloupe was established in the Caribbean. 1675 Frederick William of Brandenburg crushed the Swedes. 1709 The Russians defeated the Swedes and Cossacks at the Battle of Poltava. 1776 American Colonists repulsed a British sea attack on Charleston, SC. 1778 Mary "Molly Pitcher" Hays McCauley, wife of an American artilleryman, carried water to the soldiers during the Battle of Monmouth and, supposedly, took her husband's place at his gun after he was overcome with heat. 1902 The U.S. Congress passed the Spooner bill, it authorized a canal to be built across the isthmus of Panama. 1911 Samuel J. Battle became the first African-American policeman in New York City. 1914 Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria, the heir to the Austro- Hungarian throne, was assassinated in Sarajevo along with his wife, Duchess Sophie. England used that fact to start WWI. 1919 The Treaty of Versailles was signed ending World War I exactly five years after it began. The treaty also established the League of Nations. 1921 A coal strike in Great Britain was settled after three months. 1930 More than 1,000 communists were routed during an assault on the British consulate in London. 1939 Pan American Airways began the first transatlantic passenger service. 1938 The U.S. Congress created the Federal Housing Administration (FHA) to insure construction loans. 1942 German troops launched an offensive to seize Soviet oil fields in the Caucasus and the city of Stalingrad. 1945 U.S. General Douglas MacArthur announced the end of Japanese resistance in the Philippines. 1949 The last U.S. combat troops were called home from Korea, leaving only 500 advisers. 1950 North Korean forces captured Seoul, South Korea. 1954 French troops began to pull out of Vietnam's Tonkin Province. 1960 In Cuba, Fidel Castro confiscated American-owned oil refineries without compensation. 1964 Malcolm X founded the Organization for Afro American Unity to seek independence for blacks in the Western Hemisphere. 1965 The first commercial satellite began communications service. It was Early Bird (Intelsat I). 1967 Israel formally declared Jerusalem reunified under its sovereignty following its capture of the Arab sector in the June 1967 war. 1971 The U.S. Supreme Court overturned the draft evasion conviction of Muhammad Ali. 1972 U.S. President Nixon announced that no new draftees would be sent to Vietnam. 1976 The first women entered the U.S. Air Force Academy. 1978 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the medical school at the University of California at Davis to admit Allan Bakke. Bakke, a white man, argued he had been a victim of reverse racial discrimination. 1996 The Citadel voted to admit women, ending a 153-year-old men- only policy at the South Carolina military school. 1997 Mike Tyson was disqualified for biting Evander Holyfield's ear after three rounds of their WBA heavyweight title fight in Las Vegas, NV. 1998 Poland, due to shortage of funds, is allowed to lease, U.S. aircraft to bring military force up to NATO standards. 1998 The Cincinnati Enquirer apologized to Chiquita banana company and retracted their stories that questioned company's business practices. They also agreed to pay more than $10 million to settle legal claims. 2000 The U.S. Supreme Court declared that a Nebraska law that outlawed "partial birth abortions" was unconstitutional. About 30 U.S. states had similar laws at the time of the ruling. 2000 Darva Conger announced that she had done a layout for Playboy magazine. Conger had married Rick Rockwell on Fox-TV's "Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire." 2000 The European Commission announced that they had blocked the planned merger between the U.S. companies WorldCom Inc. and Sprint due to competition concerns. 2000 Six-year-old Eli n Gonz lez returned to Cuba from the U.S. with his father. The child had been the center of an international custody dispute. 2001 Slobodan Milosevic was taken into custody and was handed over to the U.N. war crimes tribunal in The Hague, Netherlands. The indictment charged Milosevic and four other senior officials, with crimes against humanity and violations of the laws and customs of war in Kosovo. 2001 The U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit set aside an order that would break up Microsoft for antitrust violations. However, the judges did agree that the company was in violation of antitrust laws. 2004 The U.S. turned over official sovereignty to Iraq's interim leadership. The event took place two days earlier than previously announced to thwart insurgents' attempts at undermining the transfer. 2004 The U.S. resumed diplomatic ties with Libya after a 24-year break. 2004 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that enemy combatants could challenge their detention in U.S. Courts. 2005 The final design for the "Freedom Tower" (One World Trade Center) was formally unveiled. 2007 The American bald eagle was removed from the endangered species list. 2010 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that Americans have the right to own a gun for self-defense anywhere they live. 2019 Do smiled. |
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