Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, December 6 In Austria, where I grew up, December 6 was Saint Nicholas day. On the eve of that day, Santas, accompanied by devils, roamed the towns and villages. They visited houses, where they had been booked, picked up a pillow bag outside the door and "The List". The devil, often with a leg chained and the chain held by Saint Nicholas, shouldered the bag, and Saint Nicholas stuck "The List" into his book. Then the devil started howling and screaming and pounding on the door and dancing around. Once they were let inside, Saint Nicholas slapped the devil and made him stand still and be quiet. Then he opened his book, slowly and dramatically, read a name, and the sins of that kid. In some houses, Mom had put dad onto the list too! After the sins had been read, with much glaring by Saint Nicholas, and much impatient jerking on the chain by the devil and his willow switches whip, Saint Nicholas got to the good part, where he praised each kid for the few good things they had done that year. Then he reached into the pillow bag and hauled out a smaller bag for each kid. That usually had a small orange, which was a VERY rare treat in post war Austria, a few postage stamp size chocolates, and home made gingerbread. While the kids breathlessly oohed and aahed over their haul, Santa and the devil quietly exited, got their payment and a shot of moonshine against the cold outside, and vanished in the snow flurries outside. In those days it was quite common that when Santas and devils met other teams, a ferocious battle ensued, often leaving all participants bloodied. Those chains were dangerous! Good old days! Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Escort jailed for lying that she'd been raped by detective, destroying his life Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, December 6 in 1774 Austria became the first nation to introduce a state education system. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ A man's silence is wonderful to listen to. --- Thomas Hardy ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A priest and a minister walked into a bar. After sitting down, ordering, and some chit chat the priest said, "Have you noticed there are no women in this bar?" He then realised the truth, "I think we're in a gay bar!" A man approached and tried to flirt with the priest. The priest was dumbfounded, and didn't know what to do. The minister leaned over and whispered something in the man's ear. The man nodded and walked off. The relieved priest said, "Thanks. What did you tell him?" The minister replied, "I just told him we're on our honeymoon." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution: "I should warn you. . .you may not want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience. "Well, I speak from personal experience," the expert explained. "For years, I watched my wife's routine at breakfast. She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. "So finally one day I made a suggestion: 'Hon,' I said, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" The voice from the back persisted, "And didn't that save time?" The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Mr. Schwartz was the oldest of 7 children, so he had to quit school and work to help support his younger brothers and sisters. He never learned to read. So, when he married and started a checking account, he signed his checks just, "XX". He started his own business, which soon prospered. He soon was a very rich man. One day, he got a call from his bank. "Mr. Schwartz, I wanted to ask you about this check. We weren't sure you had really signed it. All these years, you've been signing your checks, 'XX'; this one is signed with three XXX's..." Mr. Schwartz answered, "Since I've become so rich, my wife thought I ought to have a middle name!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Halina Khan, 40, Escort, Salford, Greater Manchester England Escort jailed for lying that she'd been raped by detective, destroying his life Escort Halina Khan has been jailed for two years and three months for lying that she'd been raped by a detective Halina Khan lied that she had been sexually assaulted by the Leicestershire police officer despite never having met him. He was subjected to a humiliating and unnecessary investigation that went on for five weeks before the 40- year-old's web of lies collapsed around her. Khan has now been jailed for two years and three months after admitting to trying to pervert the course of justice. Her victim was at home with his wife and son when his colleagues turned up at his home to say there had been a complaint made against him. He then had to give samples for analysis and was interviewed by police officers outside his police area. What followed caused an immense strain on his marriage and he ended up taking six months off work with depression and anxiety. He said he was 'completely stunned' by the allegations and said that his world 'fell apart'. The victim has now returned to work but he says it has affected his relationship with his employers. He said: 'I can't explain why it affected me as it did. If I hadn't been able to prove my innocence, I'd have lost my liberty.' Khan, from Salford, Greater Manchester, accused the detective during a police investigation into an alleged car theft. She said that her ex had taken her vehicle from the Regency Hotel in Leicester. But when police arrived she changed her story saying that she was an escort and a client had taken the car. She pointed to a red mark on the floor, implying that the person had been hurt. As a result Khan was arrested on suspicion of causing injury. She threw racist abuse at one of the police officers and shouted that she had been raped by the detective the previous night at the hotel. She used his name, despite never having met him, because he had previously been involved in an investigation into her second ex-husband in 2011. Khan later said at the police station: 'I made it up, there, I made it up.' However she refused to make a statement or sign an officer's notebook confirming that her claim was true so the force had no alternative but to investigate her claim. She changed her story again, denying that she had made up a rape allegation, adding that she was being sarcastic. Judge Mrs Justice Cheema-Grubb described it as 'a wicked crime' which had serious consequences for the victim and his family. She added that false claims like this affect public confidence. She said: 'I'm told you're remorseful, although there's no evidence of that other than your guilty pleas.' She added: 'Rape is a profoundly hideous crime which all should find repulsive.' The court heard that Khan had two previous convictions for incidents of racially abusing police officers. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: George Re: Cartoon Balloons Dear Webby, My son has a problem with Sticky Keys! What is the best way to get rid of Sticky Keys? And lock them out? Also, I keep getting Cartoon Balloons telling me stuff that I really don't care about! They pop-up whenever I reboot or even just shutting the laptop and reopening it! How do I get them to stop? George Dear George Hitting the SHIFT key five times turns the Sticky-Keys off or on. The system messages that pop up to tell you when you connect or fall off the net or when a new device like a camera is plugged in, or whatever, are usually quite handy. However, if you do need to turn them off, Microsoft explains how to do it on this page: https://www.sevenforums.com/tutorials/11442-notifications- enable-disable-message-balloons.html It`s easy, just a bit tedious. Have FUN! DearWebby A few years ago, a dietitian addressed a large audience in Chicago and said, "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Junk food can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" A 75 year old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
>From Ida One evening I was driving my six-year-old daughter to her grandparents' home for an overnight stay. It was late, there was little traffic and we were enjoying a peaceful ride. It was a far cry from the usual chaos surrounding us when I drive her to various activities during rush hour. My daughter seemed deep in thought when she said, "I have a question." "What do you want to know?" "Mom, when you're driving," she asked, "are you ever the idiot?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Food Fixes - Crumbly Brownies? If your brownies are having a hard time holding together or you have a healthy amount of crumbs leftover in the pan, save them to use as an ice cream toping. The crumbs also make a tasty layer in an ice cream cake. Put them in the freezer until you are ready to use them. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com font> ____________________________________________________ A University of Alabama football player was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where does you go to school?" The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question. "Yale," she replied. The UA student took a big, deep breath and shouted, "WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL?" | | These are America's 10 most dangerous highways, and I've been on two or three of them! |
A friend of mine was visiting a college, which had those security call boxes every few hundred feet. If you were wandering around the campus at night and felt uneasy about somebody following you, for instance, you could hit the button and have a security officer investigate immediately. On one of these phones hung a sign that said, "Out of Order." Underneath it someone had scrawled, "Reload and keep running." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, December 6, in 1774 Austria became the first nation to introduce a state education system. 1865 The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. The amendment abolished slavery in the U.S. 1877 Thomas Edison demonstrated the first gramophone, with a recording of himself reciting Mary Had a Little Lamb. 1884 The construction of the Washington Monument was completed by Army engineers. The project took 34 years. 1889 Jefferson Davis died in New Orleans. He was the first and only president of the Confederate States of America. 1907 In Monongah, WV, 361 people were killed in America's worst mine disaster. 1917 More than 1,600 people died when two munitions ships collided in the harbor at Halifax, Nova Scotia. 1917 Finland proclaimed independence from Russia. 1921 The Catholic Irish Free State was created as a self- governing dominion of Britain when an Anglo-Irish treaty was signed. 1923 U.S. President Calvin Coolidge became the first president to give a presidential address that was broadcast on radio. 1926 In Italy, Benito Mussolini introduced a tax on bachelors. 1947 Everglades National Park in Florida was dedicated by U.S. President Truman. 1957 AFL-CIO members voted to expel the International Brotherhood of Teamsters. The Teamsters were readmitted in 1987. 1957 America's first attempt at putting a satellite into orbit failed when the satellite blew up on the launch pad at Cape Canaveral, FL. 1973 Gerald R. Ford was sworn in as the vice-president of the United States after vice-president Spiro Agnew resigned. 1982 11 soldiers and 6 civilians were killed when a bomb exploded in a pub in Ballykelly, Northern Ireland. The Irish National Liberation Army was responsible for planting the bomb. 1983 In Jerusalem, a bomb planted on a bus exploded killing six Israelis and wounding 44. 1985 Congressional negotiators reached an agreement on a deficit-cutting proposal that later became the Gramm-Rudman- Hollings law. 1989 The worst mass shooting in Canadian history occurred when a man gunned down 14 women at the University of Montreal's school of engineering. The man then killed himself. 1989 Egon Krenz resigned as leader of East Germany. 1990 Iraq announced that it would release all its 2,000 foreign hostages. 1990 U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle was enshrined in the Little League Museum's Hall of Excellence. 1992 Germany's primary political parties agreed to tighten postwar asylum laws. 1992 In India, thousands of Hindu extremists destroyed a mosque. The following two months of Hindu-Muslim rioting resulted in at least 2,000 people being killed. 1993 Former priest James R. Porter was sentenced to 18 to 20 years in prison. Porter had admitted molesting 28 children in the 1960s. 1994 Orange County, CA, filed for bankruptcy protection due to investment losses of about $2 billion. The county is one of the richest in the U.S. and became the largest municipality to file for bankruptcy. 1997 A Russian Antonov 124 military transport crashed into a residential area in Irkutsk, Russia, shortly after takeoff. 70 people were killed. 1998 In Venezuela, former Lieutenant Colonel Hugo Chavez was elected president. He had staged a bloody coup attempt against the government six years earlier. 1998 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavour connected the first two building blocks of the international space station in the shuttle cargo bay. 2002 Winona Ryder was sentenced to 36 months of probation and 480 hours of community service stemming from her conviction for shoplifting from Saks Fifth Avenue. She was also ordered to pay $10,000 in fines and restitution. 2002 Officials released the detailed plans for a $4.7 million memorial commemorating Princess Diana. The large oval fountain was planned to be constructed in London's Hyde Park. 2017 Do smiled. |
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