Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, July 5 ___________________________________________________ History on this day, July 5, in 1951, Dr. William Shockley announced that he had invented the junction transistor. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Kentucky Pervert murdered 3 Cops and one K-9 __________________________________________________ Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance. --- Sam Brown What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. --- Soren Kierkegaard (1813 - 1855) Fools rush in where fools have been before. --- Socratex __________________________________________________ "So, what's the matter?" asked Wendy of her friend, Keli, over coffee. "I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband, Greg." "Oh, everything went wrong," Keli answered. "First, he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. "All that might have been all right; but to make matters worse, I ended up catching all the fish, and he caught none!" _____________________________________________ On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice. Instead she sat back and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me." __________________________________________________ Most people hate to parallel park. The other day, I saw this woman trying to get out of a tight parking space. She'd bump the car in front, then back-up and strike the car behind her. This went on about 2 minutes. I walked over to see if I could somehow help. My offer was declined though. She said, "Why have bumpers if you're not going to use them once in a while?" __________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lance Storz, 49, Allen, Kentucky, USA Kentucky Pervert murdered 3 Cops and one K-9 Police in Allen, Kentucky, came under fire Thursday afternoon when they went to the home of 49-year-old Lance Storz to deliver a court-issued domestic violence order. Storz faces charges of murdering a police officer, attempted homicide and assault on a service animal all to which he pleaded not guilty, WKYT-TV reported. According to the news station, a judge set Storzs bond at $10 million. The ordeal began around 5 p.m. Thursday, when police attempted to deliver an emergency protection order to Storzs Floyd County house. Floyd County Sheriff John Hunt said that when deputies arrived at the Railroad Street home, Storz, who seemed to have been expecting the officers, opened fire, according to WSAZ-TV. The incident soon escalated into an active shooter-and- hostage situation after Storz barricaded himself with his wife and daughter at home and began shooting at the law enforcement officers outside using multiple firearms. After calling for help, Hunt says officers from all over responded, even the Floyd County emergency management director. We didnt know where shots were coming from, if it was inside or outside, said Hunt. They took cover and were under consistent fire for hours. Hunt says the standoff was resolved after KSP started negotiations with the suspect, Lance Storz. Negotiations included using family members. Eventually he came outside of his home, and he was taken into custody. A judge set Storzs bond at $10 million. It is not expected that Storz will ever be out on bail. ___________________________________________________ >From Rick Just about all my life I belonged to the Reformed Lutheran Church. When I married my wife, I converted to her church, not for religious reasons, but because we have only one car. In order to do so, I had to attend classes. At the first session, the minister conducting the class said, "What must we do before we can expect forgiveness from God?" I replied, perhaps too quickly... "Sin?" ___________________________________________________ A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property." "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents." He said, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one." "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is 'yes'." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes," she responded, "most days he gets up earlier than I do." Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?" "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I never wanted a divorce. It's my husband's idea. He says he can't communicate with me." __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied, "No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love, forever. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again." ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..." "Yes, son?" the father said expectantly. "Which bus should I take home?" the boy finished. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you a half-owner of a profitable corporation, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out!!!" _____________________________________________________ As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" An Aussie stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!". ___________________________________________________ DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Yolanda Re: Get rid of icon label drop shadows Dear Webby, I know that Microschlop faggies have always tried to sabotage me with their ugly drop shadows. Twenty years ago you showed me how to get rid of them on W7. Well, now I am handicapped with W10, through no fault of my own. On W10 they have the drop shadows again, to rub in that they can be as nasty as they want. Well, on W10 the drop shadows are as ugly as Petunia! How do I get rid of them? Thanks! Sweetie! Yolanda. Dear Yolanda Yes, the @#$%^& have indeed sabotaged us with their ugly drop shadows, and not make it easy to get rid of them. They are the color of their ugly souls and not adjustable either. Keep in mind, they are your enemies and are trying to sabotage you. Don't look for an easy solution! You have to fight them to get rid of the ugly drop shadows! Hold down the Windows icon on your keyboard and press the Pause/Break key next to the Scroll Lock key. Go get a coffee. In the System window, when it shows up, click Advanced system settings. Advanced system settings In the System Properties window click Settings on the Advanced tab. In the Performance Options window, clear the option "Use drop shadows icon for labels on the desktop". This option is available on the Visual Effects tab. It is usually at the very bottom. Click Apply. This may remove the drop shadows for the icon labels on the desktop, but for most people this option doesnt do anything. If it does what its supposed to do, it is highly likely to revert back to the old setting and start displaying shadows. If it doesnt revert back, then your problem is solved. Restart, twice, if necessary. If the problem is not solved and your desktop is still as ugly as Petunia, tell me and I will print the second method. A friend told me that they did that to illustrate an ancient saying: "Beauty is only skin deep, but UGLY goes to the bone!" Seems to fit. Long gone are the days when we looked forward to new versions of Windows. Can you believe that people were camping on the sidewalks to get the new versions first? Now they are camping on the side walks in front of exorcists and trouble shooters. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) _____________________________________________________ "So, what's the matter?" asked Wendy of her friend, Keli, over coffee. "I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband, Greg." "Oh, everything went wrong," Keli answered. "First, he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. "All that might have been all right; but to make matters worse, I ended up catching all the fish, and he caught none!" _____________________________________________________ Three animals in a bar was having a huge argument over who was the best. The first animal, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above, and his prey had hardly a chance. The second, a lion, based his claim on his strength. No one in the jungle dared to challenge him, King of the Jungle. The third, a skunk, insisted he needed neither flight nor strength to frighten off any creature with his unique arsenal. As the three debated the issue, a grizzly bear came along and swallowed them all; hawk, lion and stinker! ___________________________________________________ "Doc," said the young man lying down on the couch, "You've got to help me! Every night I have the same horrible dream. I'm lying in bed when all of the sudden five women rush in and start tearing off my clothes." The psychiatrist nodded, "And what do you do?" "I push them away." "I see. What do you want me to do?" The patient implored. "Break my arms." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lance Storz, 49, Allen, Kentucky, USA Kentucky pervert shot 7 people and a K9. Killed 3 cops and a civilian. The suspect in an hourslong shooting that killed three law enforcement officers and injured several others in eastern Kentucky was charged Friday with several counts of murder, including murder of a police officer, and assault on a service animal, officials said. Lance Storz, 49, was arraigned in Floyd County court Friday morning when the charges against him were explained. A judge set his bond at $10 million cash. It is unclear whether Storz, who appeared via video with multiple bruises and lacerations on his face, has an attorney. The judge said he would appoint a public defender to represent him in future hearings. Deputies on Thursday evening were serving a warrant related to a domestic violence incident in the city of Allen when Storz opened fire with a high-powered rifle, Floyd County Sheriff John Hunt told reporters following the hearing. "They encountered ... pure hell when they arrived. They had no chance," the sheriff said, adding later the deputies had not even made contact with the suspected shooter when the gunfire began. The shooter seemed to have had a plan and "pretty much executed that plan almost to precision," Hunt said. The sheriff said it took several hours to figure out where the gunman was firing from. He also had "a lot" of ammunition and a body armor vest, Floyd County officials said during a Sunday news conference. "(The suspect) was a sheer terrorist ... he was just a terrorist on a mission," the sheriff said. The Sheriff's Office identified the officers killed as Floyd County Deputy William Petry and Prestonsburg Police Capt. Ralph Frasure. On Friday, the Prestonsburg Police Department said officer and canine handler Jacob R. Chaffins was also killed. The incident began when the sheriff's office received a phone call from a woman who claimed to be a relative of the suspect, Hunt said. "A female at that time stated through a text message some allegations of her being held against her will and she needed help," Hunt said. The woman told officers she had allegedly been raped by Storz and held against her will for "a number of days." Multiple deputies went to do a welfare check at the woman's residence and serve Storz with an emergency protection order and arrest him. Many of the deputies who showed up to the residence were shot either as soon as they got out of their patrol cars or through their window, Hunt said. One official described the incident as a "tactical ambush" and said officers did not know what they were walking into. Floyd County Attorney Keith Bartley, who was present during the hours-long shooting, was visibly shaken and emotional as he detailed how the events unfolded, saying he found himself in a "war zone." _____________________________________________ DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Yolanda Re: Get rid of icon label drop shadows Dear Webby I know that Microschlop faggies have always tried to sabotage me with their ugly drop shadows. Twenty years ago you showed me how to get rid of them on W7. Well, now I am handicapped with W10, through no fault of my own. On W10 they have the drop shadows again, to rub in that they can be as nasty as they want. Well, on W10 the drop shadows are as ugly as Petunia! How do I get rid of them? Thanks! Sweetie! Yolanda. _____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________ Here is a Classic: Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the petrol pumps, and one of them said to it, "Greetings, earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader." The petrol pump, of course, didn't respond. The alien repeated the greeting. There was no response. The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the petrol pump's haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, "Earthling, how dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!" The other alien shouted to his comrade, "No, you mustn't anger him!" But before he finished his warning, the first alien fired. There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert, where they landed in a heap. When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said, "What a ferocious creature. It nearly killed us! But how did you know he was so dangerous?" The other alien answered, "If there's one thing I've learned during all my travels through the galaxy, it's that if a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick into his own ear, don't mess with him." _____________________________________________ It was a difficult subject to bring before his aged mother, but John felt that he must. "Mom, you are no longer a spring chicken and you do need to think ahead of what will happen in the future. Why don't we make arrangements about when..... you know... when.... God forbid... you pass on?" The mother didn't say anything, just sat there staring ahead. "I mean, Mom, like.... how do you want to finally go? Do you want to be buried? Cremated?" There was yet another long pause. Then the mother looked up and said, "Son, why don't you simply surprise me?" ___________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh. ___________________________________________________ A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage, she made the remark, "I'd like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London." The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, we can't do that." "Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that because that's exactly what you did to my luggage last year!" ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
| Today, July 5, in 1806, A Spanish army repelled the British during their attempt to retake Buenos Aires, Argentina. 1811, Venezuela became the first South American country to declare independence from Spain. 1814, U.S. troops under Jacob Brown defeated a superior British force at Chippewa, Canada. 1830, France occupied the North African city of Algiers. 1832, The German government began curtailing freedom of the press after German Democrats advocate a revolt against Austrian rule. 1839, British naval forces bombarded Dingai on Zhoushan Island in China and then occupied it. 1863, U.S. Federal troops occupied Vicksburg, MS, and distributed supplies to the citizens. 1865, William Booth founded the Salvation Army in London. 1865, The U.S. Secret Service Division was created to combat currency counterfeiting, forging and the altering of currency and securities.. 1892, Andrew Beard was issued a patent for the rotary engine. 1916, Adelina and August Van Buren started on the first successful transcontinental motorcycle tour to be attempted by two women. They started in New York City and arrived in San Diego, CA, on September 12, 1916. 1935, U.S. President Roosevelt signed the National Labor Relations Act into law. The act authorized labor to organize for the purpose of collective bargaining. 1940, During World War II, Britain and the Vichy government in France broke diplomatic relations. 1941, German troops reached the Dnieper River in the Soviet Union. 1943, The battle of Kursk began as German tanks attack the Soviet salient. It was the largest tank battle in history. 1946, The bikini bathing suit, created by Louis Reard, made its debut during a fashion show at the Molitor Pool in Paris. Micheline Bernardini wore the two-piece outfit. 1948, Britain's National Health Service Act went into effect, providing government-financed medical and dental care. 1950, U.S. forces engaged the North Koreans for the first time at Osan, South Korea. 1951, Dr. William Shockley announced that he had invented the junction transistor. 1962, Algeria became independent after 132 years of French rule. 1984, The U.S. Supreme Court weakened the 70-year-old "exclusionary rule," deciding that evidence seized with defective court warrants could be used against defendants in criminal trials. 1989, Former U.S. National Security Council aide Oliver North received a $150,000 fine and a suspended prison term for his part in the Iran-Contra affair. The convictions were later overturned. 1991, Regulators shut down the Pakistani-managed Bank of Credit and Commerce International (BCCI) in eight countries. The charge was fraud, drug money laundering and illegal infiltration into the U.S. banking system. 1998, Japan joined U.S. and Russia in space exploration with the launching of the Planet-B probe to Mars. 2000, Jordanian security agents shot and killed a Syrian hijacker after he threw a grenade that exploded and wounded 15 passengers aboard a Royal Jordanian airliner. 2000, 10 Bengal tigers, including 7 rare white tigers, died at the Nandankanan Zoo in India. The tigers died of trypanosomiasis (sleeping sickness). 2000, Euan Blair, the oldest son of British prime minister Tony Blair, was arrested after police found him drunk and lying on the ground in London's Leicester Square. 2022 Do! smiled. |
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