Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, May 24 Thanks Betty! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Woman arrested after bragging on police Facebook page about 'getting away' Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, May 24 in 1844 Samuel F.B. Morse formally opened America's first telegraph line. The first message was sent from Washington, DC, to Baltimore, MD. The message was "What hath God wrought?" More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any. --- Katharine Whitehorn The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A sixth grade teacher asked her class, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" No one answered for a long time until Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents and they will tell the principal and you will get fired!" The teacher ignored her and asked again, "Which part of the body increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Finally, Geoffrey stood up and said that the part of the body that increases 10 times its size when stimulated Is the pupil of the eye. "Very good." The teacher said, then turned to Mary and said, "As for you young lady, I have 3 things to say: #1 you have a dirty mind, #2 you didn't read your homework, and #3 one day you will be very disappointed!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Thans to Dianne for this story: The other day, my wife and I were discussing clothes for awhile, and then she said she was going to visit the local Super-Store. Did I want anything from there while she was shopping there. I replied, "Yes, honey... I could use a new G-string." She looked at me kinda oddly, and went to the store. When she got back, she presented me with a g-string made for women to wear (who dance at bars) to avoid 100% exposure. "Here," she said, "I hope this is what you are looking for!" I replied to her, "Yeah, baby -- that is JUST what I needed! Now, show me how to put it on my guitar and tune it!" _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kayla Irizzary, 19, Moses Lake, Washington Woman arrested after bragging on police Facebook page about 'getting away' A Moses Lake woman who was released by officers and then later bragged on their Facebook page about getting away is back behind bars. Kayla Irizzary was arrested about 2:30 a.m. on Saturday. Moses Lake police said the 19-year-old was a passenger in a car that officers pulled over last week. The driver, Giovanni Powell, 27, was arrested for driving with a suspended license, but officers had no legal reason to detain Irizzary so she was able to leave the scene. While searching the vehicle, however, detectives found a purse containing Irizzary's ID, a small pistol, heroin and her paperwork from the last time she was released from jail. Irizzary is a convicted felon and ineligible to possess a firearm. According to police, Irizzary then got on the police department's Facebook page and bragged about getting away, which we believe is the number one killer of criminal karma that there is, the department said. After setting up a meeting with Irizzary, using social media, officers were able to arrest her Saturday after a brief foot chase. Irizzary was booked into the Grant County Jail on charges of unlawful possession of a firearm and possession of heroin. Both charges were from the original incident. What social media giveth, social media taketh away: Woman who trolled MLPD back in custody, police posted on Facebook. Tech Support Pits From: Marylin Re: How many hard drives Dear Webby I have two hard drives in my machine, the one it came with, as the master, and the drive from the last machine as a slave. Is there a way to add more drives? Thanks Marylin Dear Marylin Dear Marylin If you don't need the CD and DVD or CD and CD Burner drives, you can plug those cables into two more hard drives. If you need more than that, you have to get a USB remote hard drive enclosures and stick additional drives into those. USB hard drive enclosures are $12 - $15. Check pricegraber for a local supplier or your favorite on-line stores. Have FUN DearWebby A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses. "Tsk Tsk!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?" "Fishin', sir." "Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?" The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of vodka and a fine cigar. His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch today ?" The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir...!" Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Now then," said the warden addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot. "I would like to know two things. First: Why did you revolt? Second: How did you get out of your cell?" One of the three men stepped forward, "Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful." "I see. And the cell? What did you use to break the bars?" Replied the spokesman, "French Toast." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Mrs. Goldman, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-third is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, one eighth to his secretary; and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Morris answered, "A good lawyer!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Ripe Bananas Mash and freeze ripe bananas in one cup portions for later use in bread and other baking. No more wasted bananas! They can also be frozen whole, wrapped in plastic. Just let them defrost before mixing them into your favorite recipe. By Nancy Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Abe bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for he birthday. A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-Wheel drive vehicles." "She did," Abe replied. "But where in the world was I going to find a fake jeep!!" | Who knew Dr. Seuss wrote a naughty book before he wrote the famous children's books? |
___________________________________________________ Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription? Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Kim for this story: I'd had a pretty hectic day with my three-year-old. When bedtime finally came, I laid down the law: "We're getting on your p.j.s, brushing your teeth, and reading ONE book. Then it's lights out!" Her arms went around my neck in a gentle embrace, and I heard her say, "We learned in Sunday school about little boys and girls who don't have moms and dads." Even after I'd been such a grouch, I thought, she was grateful to have me. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, and then she whispered, "Maybe you could go be THEIR mom." ____________________________________________________ | Today, May 24 in 1610 Sir Thomas Gates institutes "laws divine moral and marshal," a harsh civil code for Jamestown. 1624 After years of unprofitable operation Virginia's charter was revoked and it became a royal colony. 1689 The English Parliament passed Act of Toleration, protecting Protestants. Roman Catholics were specifically excluded from exemption. 1738 The Methodist Church was established. 1764 Bostonian lawyer James Otis denounced "taxation without representation" and called for the colonies to unite in demonstrating their opposition to Britain's new tax measures. 1798 Believing that a French invasion of Ireland was imminent, Irish nationalists rose up against the British occupation. The French did not show up. 1822 At the Battle of Pichincha, Bolivar secured independence of the Quito. 1830 The first passenger railroad service in the U.S. began service. 1844 Samuel F.B. Morse formally opened America's first telegraph line. The first message was sent from Washington, DC, to Baltimore, MD. The message was "What hath God wrought?" 1863 Bushwackers led by Captain William Marchbanks attacked a U.S. Federal militia party in Nevada, Missouri. 1878 The first American bicycle race was held in Boston. 1881 About 200 people died when the Canadian ferry Princess Victoria sank near London, Ontario. 1883 After 14 years of construction the Brooklyn Bridge was opened to traffic. 1899 The first public garage was opened by W.T. McCullough. 1913 The U.S. Department of Labor entered into its first strike mediation. The dispute was between the Railroad Clerks of the New York, New Haven and Hartford Railroad. 1930 Amy Johnson became the first woman to fly from England to Australia. 1931 B&O Railroad began service with the first passenger train to have air conditioning throughout. The run was between New York City and Washington, DC. 1941 The HMS Hood was sunk by the German battleship Bismarck in the North Atlantic. Only three people survived. 1954 The first moving sidewalk in a railroad station was opened in Jersey City, NJ. 1961 The Freedom Riders were arrested in Jackson, Mississippi. 1967 California Governor Ronald Reagan greeted Charles M. Schulz at the state capitol in observance of the legislature-proclaimed "Charles Schulz Day." 1976 Britain and France opened trans-Atlantic Concorde service to Washington. 1980 The International Court of Justice issued a final decision calling for the release of the hostages taken at the U.S. embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979. 1983 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the federal government had the right to deny tax breaks to schools that racially discriminate. 1986 Montreal won its 23rd National Hockey League (NHL) Stanley Cup championship. 1990 The Edmonton Oilers won their fifth National Hockey League (NHL) Stanley Cup. 1993 Roman Catholic Cardinal Juan Jesus Posada Ocampo and six other people were killed at the Guadalajara, Mexico, airport in a shootout that involved drug gangs. 1993 The Ethiopian province of Eritrea declared itself an independent nation. 1994 The four men convicted of bombing the New York's World Trade Center were each sentenced to 240 years in prison. 1999 39 miners were killed in an underground gas explosion in Ukraine. 2000 Five people were killed and two others wounded when two gunmen entered a Wendy's restaurant in Flushing, Queens, New York. The gunmen tied up the victims in the basement and then shot them. 2000 The U.S. House of Representatives approved permanent normal trade relations with China. China was not happy about some of the human rights conditions that had been attached by the U.S. lawmakers. 2000 A Democratic Party event for Al Gore in Washington brought in $26.5 million. The amount set a new record, which had just been set the previous month by Republicans for Texas Gov. George W. Bush. 2001 Temba Tsheri, 15, became the youngest person to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 2011 NASA announced the development of the Orion Multi-Purpose Crew Vehicle (MPCV) spacecraft. It is intended to facilitate exploration of the Moon, asteroids and Mars. 2018 Do smiled. |
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