Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, June 16 Thank you, Neil Today, June 16, I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs. They were supposed to be in March, but I need a driver to bring me back, and my driver had too maany scheduling conflicts. So most likely the surgeon will be very annoyed, and really pump me up. Three days later I will be back. So for three days I will not badger you to send your leftover coins to my PayPal. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Man accused of shooting catalytic converter thief and dragging body with his truck ___________________________________________________ Today, June 16 in 1963 26-year-old Valentina Tereshkova went into orbit aboard the Vostok 6 spacecraft for three days. She was the first female space traveler. ____________________________________________________ No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in session. --- Judge Gideon J. Tucker ____________________________________________________ An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him: "Daddy, what is sex?" The Dad was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees'. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. "Why did you ask this question?" Her father asked her: The little girl replied, "Well mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs." ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ The teacher in Little Johnny's school asked the class what their mothers did for a living. One little girl said her mother was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer. When it was Little Johnny's turn, he stood up and said: "My mom's a streetwalker." Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. Then, 15 minutes later, he returned. So the teacher asked, "Did you tell the principal what you said in class?" Johnny said "Yes" "Well, what did the principal say?" "He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me an apple and asked for my phone number." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Campbell, Lakewood, Washington, USA Man accused of shooting catalytic converter thief and dragging body with his truck a lakewood, washington man who's reportedly been living in his truck for the past two years is accused of shooting a suspected catalytic converter thief, then dragging him with his truck before leaving him in a field to die. According to court documents, it happened around 3:45 a.M. Saturday in the parking lot of a business at the intersection of sharondale street sw and halcyon road sw in lakewood. A truck driver told police he witnessed a suspicious white ford f-150 dragging an unknown object through the rear parking lot, then saw the driver of the ford get out of his vehicle and drive away in a red truck. When police arrived, they found a man dead in the field with obvious signs of trauma and gunshot wounds. The suspect, later identified as michael campbell, told police he was sleeping in his truck when he woke up to find someone trying to steal the catalytic converter from under his vehicle. Campbell told police he opened the passenger side of his truck and saw legs sticking out from underneath. He admitted to shooting the person, then shooting two more times. The person he shot tried to get into his own vehicle, campbell said, but fell to the ground. That's when campbell reportedly tied the victim's hands above his head and attached them to the hitch on his ford truck. He said he dragged him through the field, then untied him and left him there. Campbell said the man was still alive and talking when he attached him to the truck and was still alive when he left him in the field, according to charging documents. Campbell, who has prior felony convictions, is charged with second-degree murder and first-degree kidnapping. dearwebby's tech support pits from: wendy re: how long do spiral lights really last? Dear webby the ads claim that the spiral lights last 10 to 25 years. One friend had one and it died after about five years. What is the real story? Wendy Dear wendy Nobody knows. They have not been around that long. I have had them last 5 - 6 years. That is better than the old-fashioned incandescent bulbs, but a long shot from 25 years. They are still a good deal, because they use less electricity than the incandescent bulbs. LEDlights use even less, but those are still very expensive. Give those another five years. Have FUN! DearWebby A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the blazes was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough. I want a divorce!" I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Lexus in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. "Ours is prettier," she replies. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A Classic: A 75 year old man went to his doctor's office for a sperm count test. The doctor gave the man a jar, told him to take it home and return the next day with a sample. The next day, the 75 year old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave the doctor the jar, which was as clean and empty as on previous day. The doctor asked what happened. "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then with my left... still nothing. Then, I asked my wife for help. She tried her right hand... but nothing. Then her left... still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, both with and without her teeth... and still nothing. We even called the lady next door and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but _still_ nothing." The doctor was shocked. "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the damn jar open!" ___________________________________________ As part of his parole agreement, Mike Tyson has to go back to school and finish grade five. This is Mike's Ebonics homework vocabulary assignment. He must use each new word in a sentence. 1. Catacomb I saw Don King at da fights the other night. Man, somebody get that cat a comb. 2. Foreclose If I pay alimony today, I got no money fore close. 3. Rectum I had two Cadillac's, but my bitch rectum both. 4. Disappointment My parole officer tol' me if I miss dis appointment, they gonna send me back to the joint. 5. Israel Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "man, it look fake." He say, "Bullshit, that watch is rael". 6. Undermine There's a fine lookin' ho living in the apartment undermine. 7. Acoustic When I was little, my uncle bought me a coustic and took me to the pool hall. 8. Iraq When we got to the pool hall, I tol' my uncle "i raq, you break." 9. Stain My mother-in-law stopped by and I axed her, "Do you plan on stain for dinner?" 10. Fortify I axed this ho on da street, "how much?" she say "forti fy." ____________________________________________ How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead." ****** An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "'Bout what?" ****** Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th' bag?" "Jes some chickens." "If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?" "Shoot, if ya guesses right, I'll give you both of 'em!" "OK. Ummmmm...five?" ****** An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here-muh house is on fahr!" "OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?" "Shucks, don't you fellers still have those big red trucks?" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, June 16, in 0455 Rome was sacked by the Vandal army. 1487 The War of the Roses ended with the Battle of Stoke. 1567 Mary, Queen of Scots, was imprisoned in Lochleven Castle in Scotland. 1815 Napoleon defeated the Prussians at the Battle of Ligny, Netherlands. 1858 In a speech in Springfield, IL, U.S. Senate candidate Abraham Lincoln said the slavery issue had to be resolved. He declared, "A house divided against itself cannot stand." 1884 At Coney Island, in Brooklyn, NY, the first roller coaster in America opened. 1897 The U.S. government signed a treaty of annexation with Hawaii. 1903 Ford Motor Company was incorporated. 1907 The Russian czar dissolved the Duma in St. Petersburg. 1909 Glenn Hammond Curtiss sold his first airplane, the "Gold Bug" to the New York Aeronautical Society for $5,000. 1922 Henry Berliner accomplished the first US helicopter flight at College Park, MD. 1925 France accepted a German proposal for a security pact. 1932 The ban on Nazi storm troopers was lifted by the von Papen government in Germany. 1940 Marshal Henri-Philippe Petain became the prime minister of the Vichy government of occupied France. 1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the closure of all German consulates in the United States. The deadline was set as July 10. 1952 "My Little Margie" debuted on CBS-TV. 1955 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to extend Selective Service until 1959. 1955 Pope Pius XII excommunicated Argentine President Juan Peron. The ban was lifted eight years later. 1955 Argentine naval officers launched an attack on President Juan Peron's headquarters. The revolt was suppressed by the army. 1961 Rudolf Nureyev defected from the Soviet Union while in Paris, traveling with the Leningrad Kirov Ballet. 1963 26-year-old Valentina Tereshkova went into orbit aboard the Vostok 6 spacecraft for three days. She was the first female space traveler. 1972 Ulrike Meinhof was captured by West German police in Hanover. She was co-founder of the Baader-Meinhof terrorist group and the Red Army Faction (Rote Armee Fraktion). 1975 The Simonstown agreement on naval cooperation between Britain and South Africa ended. The agreement was formally ended by mutual agreement after 169 years. 1976 In Soweto, thousands of school children revolted against the South African government's plan to enforce Afrikaans as the language for instruction in black schools. 1977 Leonid Brezhnev was named the first Soviet president of the USSR. He was the first person to hold the post of president and Communist Party General Secretary. He replaced Nikolai Podgorny. 1978 U.S. President Carter and Panamanian leader Omar Torrijos ratified the Panama Canal treaties. 1983 Yuri Andropov was elected chairman of the Presidium of the Supreme Soviet. The position was the equivalent of president. 1984 Wilson Ferreira Aldunate was arrested upon his return from an eleven year exile. Aldunate had been a popular Uruguayan opposition leader. 1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush welcomed Russian President Boris Yeltsin to a meeting in Washington, DC. The two agreed in principle to reduce strategic weapon arsenals by about two- thirds by the year 2003. 1996 Russian voters had their first independent presidential election. Boris Yeltsin was the winner after a run-off. 1999 The U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals said that a 1992 federal music piracy law does not prohibit a palm-sized device that can download high-quality digital music files from the Internet and play them at home. 2000 U.S. federal regulators approved the merger of Bell Atlantic and GTE Corp. The merger created the nation's largest local phone company. 2000 U.S. Secretary of Energy Bill Richardson reported that an employee at the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico had discovered that two computer hard drives were missing. 2008 California began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. 2017 Amazon announced plans to buy Whole Foods for $13.7 billion. 2021 Do smiled. |
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