Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, January 8 Thank you, Michael!! On Friday, Jan 10, I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs. Yeah, when it rains, it pours! That means no newsletters on Saturday, Sunday or Monday. By Monday hopefully the refurb will be here, and I can set it up, and work without having to reboot every 7 minutes. In my next life, I won't touch computers. ___________________________________________________ Today, January 8 in 1935 - The spectrophotometer was patented by A.C. Hardy. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Wichita killer waited for the victim, then executed him. __________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ I shall never be ashamed of citing a bad author if the line is good. --- Seneca (5 BC - 65 AD) Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats. --- Howard Aiken Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. --- John Kenneth Galbraith _______________________________________________ A young couple had a flat tire outside the fence of a mental institution. The wife was leery of the inmates wandering inside the compound, but there was a swift creek separating them and her husband said it was OK. He took off the four lug nuts and set them into the hubcap to keep them from rolling away. Well, when he rolled the spare tire along the car, he rolled it over the edge of the hubcap and the nuts went flying into the creek. He tried wrapping a coathanger around the lug bolts, but as soon as he lowered the car, the wheel popped off to the great amusement of the spectators behind the fence. After a few more similarly hilarious attempts, finally an inmate behind the fence told the young man to take one nut from each of the other tires and put them on the spare. It would be safe enough to get them to a service station a few miles away. "That's pretty smart for a guy in your place," the husband said. The inmate replied: "I may be carzy, but I'm not stupid." ________________________________________________` >From Lillemor ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Lee Gray, 45, Wichita, Kansas Wichita killer waited for the victim, then executed him. Wichita police have arrested a murder suspect in the drive-by shooting of a man who was leaving a club after playing pool. William Lee Gray, 45, was arrested Tuesday on suspicion of first-degree murder in the death of James Storey, 51, jail booking reports show. Police Capt. Brent Allred previously said Storey had played pool for several hours Nov. 17 at Southrock Billiards and Sports Bar, 2020 S. Rock Rd. He went outside to his truck to leave before he was shot at around 6:45 p.m. Storey's body was found inside the pickup riddled with bullet wounds, and he was pronounced dead at the scene. Investigators determined Gray was involved and police found him on Tuesday, Officer Charley Davidson said in a news release. Detectives found that a pickup driven by Gray parked next to Storey's truck, left for a short time, then returned. Gray then fired multiple shots at the driver's side window of Storey's truck, killing him, police said. Gray is being held in the Sedgwick County Jail in lieu of a $500,000 bond. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Great Granny Vi Re: How do you dispose of spiral lights Dear Webby, Could you give the link for the government office to find out how to dispose of these light bulbs. I called our city hall and we have to take them to Simi Valley,Ca. I heard that all of AR. has to take theres to Fort Worth/Dallas area. Could that be true? Great Granny Vi Dear Vi Yes, like all fluorescent lights, they ARE toxic waste, and you get fined if you get caught putting them into your regular garbage. And no, I haven't got a clue what or where those offices are in the US. Most areas have some misguided fanatics, who go around distributing those silly Chinese made spiral lights for use on porches. Find out from the town hall, who they are in your area, or their mailing address. Then gently drop them into their mailbox. Many municipal dumps have a box for those. Then, when nobody is watching, they crush them and dump them over the edge with the regular garbage. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. A man gets home early from work and catches his wife in bed with another man... The husband challenges the other man to an old fashioned duel with his hand guns, whoever manages to shoot first and kill the other gets his wife. The other man agrees, so they go into another room, so that the wife does not have to see it. Once in the other room, the husband says: "Why should either one of us die? We will both fire a shot in the air, and fall down as if we were dead. When she comes in, she will see our lifeless bodies and rush to one of us. Whoever she chooses, can have her. The other man agrees again and so they fire into the air and fall down. The wife throws open the door and peers down at the two 'corpses', backs out of the room and yells: Darling, you can come out. They are both dead." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?" The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler." "I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield." The general said, "Drive on!" The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker." The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!" The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Porcelain Sinks To clean kitchen and bathroom sinks, I mix half a wide mouthed mason jar of baking soda with a 1/4 cup of pickling salt (large grained). It works great, is very cheap and simply dissolves as you use it. No chemicals needed. I usually buy the baking soda in bulk or purchase several boxes when it's on sale. An old cotton tea towel dipped in the mixture makes it very easy to use. By Quiltmum from Ontario, Canada Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun ____________________________________________________ | | A Murano glass blower makes me the Ferrari logo |
___________________________________________________ A Congressman is awakened in the middle of the night by his wife who whispers, "I think there's a thief in the house." "Yes, they all are on the take, except me, of course." ___________________________________________________ Joe, John and Bob were moving furniture. While Joe and John were struggling with a particularly heavy oak wardrobe. Joe noticed that Bob was nowhere in sight. "John, where's Bob?" asked Joe. "He should be helping us with this thing." "He is helping," said John, "He's inside holding the clothes hangers in place!" ___________________________________________________ Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon. "Now then, I'm returning $5,000 to you, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!" __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today January 8 in 1642 - Astronomer Galileo Galilei died in Arcetri, Italy. 1675 - The first corporation was chartered in the United States. The company was the New York Fishing Company. 1815 - The Battle of New Orleans began. The War of 1812 had officially ended on December 24, 1814, with the signing of the Treaty of Ghent. The news of the signing had not reached British troops in time to prevent their attack on New Orleans. 1838 - Alfred Vail demonstrated a telegraph code he had devised using dots and dashes as letters. The code was the predecessor to Samuel Morse's code. 1856 - Borax (hydrated sodium borate) was discovered by Dr. John Veatch. 1877 - Crazy Horse (Tashunca-uitco) and his warriors fought their final battle against the U.S. Cavalry in Montana. 1889 - The tabulating machine was patented by Dr. Herman Hollerith. His firm, Tabulating Machine Company, later became International Business Machines Corporation (IBM). 1900 - U.S. President McKinley placed Alaska under military rule. 1900 - In South Africa, General White turned back the Boers attack of Ladysmith. 1908 - A catastrophic train collision occurred in the smoke- filled Park Avenue Tunnel in New York City. Seventeen were killed and thirty-eight were injured. The accident caused a public outcry and increased demand for electric trains. 1916 - During World War I, the final withdrawal of Allied troops from Gallipoli took place. 1918 - U.S. President Woodrow Wilson announced his Fourteen Points as the basis for peace upon the end of World War I. 1935 - The spectrophotometer was patented by A.C. Hardy. 1959 - Charles De Gaulle was inaugurated as president of France's Fifth Republic. 1962 - Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa was exhibited in America for the first time at the National Gallery of Art in Washington, DC. The next day the exhibit opened to the public. 1973 - Secret peace talks between the United States and North Vietnam resumed near Paris, France. 1982 - American Telephone & Telegraph (AT&T) settled the Justice Department's antitrust lawsuit against it by agreeing to divest itself of the 22 Bell System companies. 1982 - The U.S. Justice Department withdrew an antitrust suit against IBM. 1992 - U.S. President George H.W. Bush collapsed during a state dinner in Tokyo. White House officials said Bush was suffering from stomach flu. 1993 - Bosnian President Izetbegovic visited the U.S. to plead his government's case for Western military aid and intervention to halt Serbian aggression. 1994 - Tonya Harding won the ladies' U.S. Figure Skating Championship in Detroit, MI, a day after Nancy Kerrigan dropped out because of a clubbing attack that injured her right knee. The U.S. Figure Skating Association later took the title from Harding because of her involvement in the attack. 1998 - Ramzi Yousef was sentenced to life in prison for his role of mastermind behind the World Trade Center bombing in New York. 1998 - Scientists announced that they had discovered that galaxies were accelerating and moving apart and at faster speeds than previously calculated. 1999 - The top two executives of Salt Lake City's Olympic Organizing Committee resigned amid disclosures that civic boosters had given cash to members of the International Olympic Committee. 2009 - In Egypt, archeologists entered a 4,300 year old pyramid and discovered the mummy of Queen Sesheshet 2019 Do smiled. |
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